meeting Issac

When Ben and I started the journey into our open marriage… I had no idea what would await me.  There really was no way of telling what was out there.. what there was to experience.  I did know that I wanted to experience everything that life has to offer… and I wanted to do that with Ben next to me.  Admittedly.. our first experience with being open wasn’t the best it could be.  It ended rather horribly.. so much so we retracted into each other because it was what we needed to do at the time to make things better.

It would take many months for us to try again.  Our original attempt was far fetched in retrospect.  It’s hard enough to make a solid connection with one person, much less two.  I knew that us finding a girlfriend together was futile, and honestly not something I really wanted anymore.  My desires had changed.  I think Ashley made me realize that I like to play with women.. but most certainly don’t like dating them.  It’s just not for me.  And so for that I am thankful I learned that.

So when we decided to take a stab at this again, in a different way… we knew it would be separately.  In the beginning of this go round.. I put up an ad on a major BDSM dating site.  I knew that being with someone vanilla wasn’t an option for me.  Vanilla sex just doesn’t do it for me.. I need that extra edge… and I need someone that’s comfortable with not being the norm.  This was something I had to have.

My criteria was simple.  Someone that was respectful of my marriage, that makes me laugh, that could interact with me every day, could see me once a week, and wasn’t looking for a D/s relationship.  Well maybe that’s not so simple?  I don’t know.  My first two days I was bombarded with so many messages from people ranging from 21 to 61.  A good deal of them either didn’t read my ad or were just too dumb to talk to.  Though there were a few decent ones sprinkled in there.  I would eventually change my ad to put in an age range because lets get realistic here people, I’m 29 and have no interest in a 61 year old man.  Sorry.

I went out on two dates as a result and where as I had fun, I knew there wasn’t anything there to pursue.   And then.. out of the blue, I get this incredible message from this man.  He had such a way with words.. and I was instantly struck by it.  I was speechless to be honest, and that doesn’t happen often.  Next to never.  The only problem was… he was out of my age range by two years.  Suddenly, that didn’t matter at all to me.  I had to know this person.. I could just feel it.  I responded immediately.

We would share messages back and forth for several days… and I was taken by him and his words immediately.  We exchanged phone numbers to text one another less than a week later.  We actually talked on the phone less than a week after the initial contact.  We had this instant connection that was just.. yeah… it was intense… and awesome.  Lots of adjectives.  Time flew with him on the phone.  (Did I mention he is English and has the most wonderful accent? Yes… I love it.).

It wasn’t long before we made plans to meet.  I was pretty attached already… we talked everyday (in fact we’ve talked every day since we met).  For the first time, I was nervous about meeting him.  I didn’t want it to change and the reality is that sometimes its not the same in person.  I had something to lose here.  He knew how nervous I was… as we talk about most everything and don’t hold back.  It’s refreshing.

So the day came we’d meet.. and since we live 2 1/2 hours apart we agreed to meet in the middle.  I got there before him.. and had time to start panic.  I was so scared.  As soon as I saw him though.. and he hugged me.. it was all gone.  There he was.. right in front of me.. and it was exactly the same as it was.  I was so relieved.  We spent nine hours together the first day before we had to go home because we both worked the next day.  It was so hard to leave… for both of us.  I didn’t have a question in my mind that I wanted him in my life.

And so that was the beginning of what has become something special and wonderful with Issac.  He’s become so much a part of my life it’s crazy.  I didn’t know I could be so lucky to find two men that make me feel so intensely… that treat me wonderfully… that.. yeah.  I don’t have words for what I have.  I know it wont always be easy… it won’t always be perfect… but damn.  I am so very happy.  Happy, that’s an understatement.  I am one lucky woman.  Hell yes I am.

It makes me feel a bit selfish at times… that there are people in this world that are single and looking for someone to love them.. and here I have two.  I didn’t know it was possible to love two people so intensely.  No idea at all.  Like I said, I had no idea what I was going to get when we started.  I am so pleasantly surprised.  Sometimes I want to pinch myself because there is no way this isn’t a dream.  I am constantly surprised at what we as people are capable of feeling and doing.  It’s amazing.

randomness

So another week has passed.. and always.. I am shocked it’s time to post something else.  It seems like only four days has passed when it’s always been seven.  I find myself suffering with writers block.. simply cause the things that are going on in our world… I don’t think are blog worthy.  They aren’t related to our dynamic.. at least not directly.  I guess one could argue that if it has anything to do with us, then it’s about our dynamic.

So I guess I can talk about the shaft I got at my job a couple weeks ago… I can talk about the stress it caused and the tears I shed.  At the time I felt like I got a raw deal.  It was retaliation, no doubt… but what I didn’t realize then was it was a blessing in disguise.  Being transferred to a new shop was the best thing that’s actually happened to me at work in a long time.  I didn’t realize how stressed that place was making me.  I didn’t realize how unhappy I was to be there. Suddenly after three days at the new shop, I felt this weight lifted off me.  I was free of it.  It’s true… things really do happen for a reason.  And all along.. Ben was beside me.. seeing me through.. keeping me strong.

I could talk about the changes our house has seen in the last couple months.  I could talk about how Ben and I finally made the step to fully opening our relationship.  Yes.. it’s unorthodox in a Owner/slave relationship.. but it works for us.  Nothing has changed on that front… at all.  He will always own me.  That isn’t likely to change… it’s just how we interact with one another.

Ben has been talking with someone that is special to him.. and I have to say I’m really excited for him.  Things are moving slowly but he’s much more patient than I am.  I hope it works out.. he deserves all the happiness the world has to offer.  It’s funny how opening up things have brought us closer.  All of this has proven to me more than ever that he is my best friend.  It is so bizarre to sit and be able to share things about other people in our lives.  There isn’t any weirdness… and it amazes me that when you open your mind to new things.. you can accomplish anything.  It’s refreshing.

I have met someone as well… his name is Issac.  I don’t know how to describe him that doesn’t sound like gushing.  Simply put… he’s amazing.  He will be around for some time… I don’t know how much face time he will be having on this blog.  He’s around nevertheless.. whether it affects what goes on  here.. I don’t know.  He makes me happy.. that’s all that is important there.  Sometimes I think I’m super lucky… I have such a blessed life.  How did this become my life?

So yeah, I could talk about about all those things.  Both are big events… but none of them feel right to talk about it.  They’re out there now, though.  I don’t think it cured my writers block… but it serves as my weekly post.  🙂 And that my friends is… two birds with one stone!

the roads we take

I was on Facebook last night and an old school friend of mine had posted a link to something I thought was genius! I followed it and read it (linking back to it now made me see that its a family site which is funny since this is the total opposite) and thought it would make for a great blog post.  Basically… its about thinking about (or writing) 100 ways the events in your life has shaped you.  Now I do not have the time to list out the things that the article talks about… so I decided to focus on one and write about it.

I think that out of all the decisions I’ve made in my life… all the things that has happened to me, the one thing that shaped my life the most was moving to Washington.  I was 19… it was the middle of November when my ex and I decided to pack our life up and move.  I was at the end of the worst part of my life thus far… I was dealing with the emotional wreckage of it all.  I hated Alabama… I’d spent my whole life there.  I didn’t feel tied to what was supposed to be home.

All I had there was my Mother (who was the large driving force to get away) and a few close friends.  It wasn’t enough to keep me there by any means.  I needed a fresh start.. some place I could shape myself into who I wanted to be… not who I had become.  And so the decision was easy… my ex wanted to come home to Washington.. and I wanted out.  We packed up our little apartment, the cat, and the kiddo and trekked across the country.  We made it in three days… driving through snow and ice storms.  Looking back.. I wonder why I wasn’t more scared.  I was leaving behind the only life I ever knew… to go some place I’d never been.  Who knew it would turn out to be the best decision I ever made?

This even set in action all sorts of things…. these ripples would become my life…. that would put me smack dab in the middle of right now.  Other than the obvious changes… my road wasn’t apparent then.  I still lived the way I had before… still settled for less than what I wanted.  I had no clue really about my submissive side.  In the back of my head I knew I wanted rough sex.. but it was less than clear.  It would take the course of five years before that came to light.  Its funny how such a major decision can impact world so slowly.

See.. the thing is.. had I not moved, I woudn’t have met my first Dom.  Which makes me wonder if that would have happened at all… would the even still take place even if I lived somewhere else?  I most certainly wouldn’t have met Ben… and that thought… is terrible.  Life is just a string of events isn’t it?  One melts into another and before you know it… you’ve lived your life.  It’s funny to me that one decision can impact the rest of my life so much.  I can’t imagine I would be where I am had I not moved.  I am almost for certain I wouldn’t be in a wonderful relationship that fulfills me.  I could very well still be living a vanilla life… miserable with how things were.  I don’t want to even begin to think about that.

At the end of the day.. I am thankful I had the courage to change my world.  It forever shaped the path my life would take… the road that would lead me to the man I would one day marry… and subsequently be collared by.  We live in a funny little world… I’m just glad that this funny little world makes me every so happy.

where did THAT come from?

I follow many blogs.. as well as many photo blogs on tumbler.  I find a great deal of many hot pictures that I forward Ben’s way.  He brags to the guys at work about how his wife sends him porn… every day.   I love finding things that speak to me… and that I know will speak to him.  One day a couple weeks ago I was going through said blogs… and stumbled across a picture that for the life of me, I cannot find again.  So I’ll try my best to describe the picture I found.

In the image there was a guy in a suit smoking a cigarette… which his woman kneeling at his side… arms extended holding an ash tray.  I stopped and stared at this image for several minutes.  I could feel a familiar twinge in my groin… and I was shocked by this.  I am not a smoker… and I am not a fan of smoking.  When I met Ben, he smoked.. and quit for me.  All on his own.. simply because he knew how much I hated it.  He occasionally has cigar at poker parties we have or in Vegas.  He always brushes his teeth when he is done so I don’t have to deal with what is left on his breath.  It’s a nice give and take for both of us I think.

So why was this image calling to me?  I saved it and sent it to Ben telling him about how it had oddly turned me on… and that I wanted to do this.  It wasn’t about the smoking… it was about serving him in any and every way possible.  It was about the power of him smoking when he wants… in front of me…. and me waiting on him to catch the ashes he would discard.

When he wrote back he said it would indeed be hot but wouldn’t want the house to smell like that.  Some how we ran with the idea… about being in the garage… him smoking a cigar… me sucking his cock while he did so.  It made me tingle all over… even if I was still shocked by it.  It all played out in my head and a longing for it grew.  So much of me wants to serve him in so many ways… from mundane to unorthodox.   Trying new things… serving him in those ways, titillates me.

I think it speaks volumes about my submission to him.. and how deep it has gone.  Will this little fantasy ever come to bear fruit?   And if it did, would it be as hot as I imagine it?  I have no idea.  Either way.. it is fun to think about… and still makes me wet between my thighs.

Punished-9 The vacation edition

We just returned from vacation last night… and it was certainly a good one.  We visited the Redwood forest, the Oregon Caves, and Crater Lake in Oregon.  It was a whirlwind vacation… were were always on the go and packed in so much.  We had a whole lot of firsts which was really awesome to experience as a family.  The kids ranked this vacation as their second favorite… only bested by Disneyland.  Who’d have known a camping trip would rank so closely to the happiest place on Earth?  In any case, it makes me smile to know they had an amazing time.

If you read my last post… you will know how stressed and cranky I was going into this vacation.  Unfortunately, that didn’t fade with the 1,221 miles we traveled.  There were many instances I was a real pain in the ass.  I let my stress and my need to control things get in the way.  At home it’s easy.. things stay the same… they are predictable.   On vacation… nothing is predictable other than the things we planned to do and see.

Then there was Ben’s crankiness… which I feed off of.  Some how we kept getting each other wrong… I’d say something that he would hear the wrong way… and we’d end up snapping at each other.  It was a horrible feeling.  I felt like he just criticizing here and there… and it was wearing me thin.  Don’t get me wrong, we had a good time and lots of wonderful moments.. but I will always remember those moments where I wasn’t very slave-like… where I disrespected my Owner… and I have to say… I’m pretty ashamed of my actions.

The worst moment was when we were packing up camp… and I just lost it.  I was super cranky… and disrespectful.  I could see myself doing it.. and couldn’t stop myself.  I let it get the best of me.   There I was…. being scolded… being told to knock it off and I couldn’t shake that defiant feeling.  I couldn’t let go of my annoyance… my crankiness, try as I might.

I didn’t know what awaited me when I got home… I knew I had been way out of line.  I knew that he understood why I had behaved the way I had, but that didn’t excuse it… it was no reason.  I am his slave and he demands respect.  If I won’t give him that.. there is a price to pay.  Deep down I hoped that he would punish me.  I needed that correction… that guidance to get back on track.  After we unpacked and showered… by the time it was bed time I did my nightly devotion.  When he came to me, I was bowing before him and he talked to me… asking me stuff.. about my behavior on our trip.

He told me that I would be punished and then I would pleasure him after- not severely.. but punished nonetheless.  I knew I had it coming… and I still dreaded it.  I knew that meant I’d be spanked with the hanger… and I hate it.  I took it with grace though.  I had accepted the punishment before he even said anything about it… I knew I had earned it.

Once each blows were administered… I served my owner… and swallowed every last drop of his cum.  And like that, my sins were washed away.  We would move on from this point.  There is no need to dwell on it… but learn from my actions.  I can’t say it won’t happen again, but I certainly will try for it not to happen.  I like being his well behaved slave.. one he can count on to remember her place, not a bratty, unruly slave.  Now that we are home.. things will settle down and I can go back to being more like myself.  This is a good thing.

Review 3: Wartenburg Wheel

This is a long overdue review!  Things have been pretty busy around here as of late and getting a chance to sit down to share about this month’s toy has been hard.  I made myself make time for it today 🙂

This month my toy came… and when it arrived, as always, I immediately opened it.  Inside laid my new Wartenburg Wheel.  I pulled it out and the accompanied blindfold.  If I have to describe this toy… I’d say it’s a good beginners item.  It isn’t on the high end of Wartenburg Wheels (nicer ones are stainless steel and have pokier wheels).  I hadn’t ever experienced one before… and I’m always down for trying new things.  The blindfold is kind of flimsy.. butttt the good part of it is that the thin material makes for complete coverage over your eyes.  I liked how it conformed to the contours of my face. 

The actual experience of the toy was fun.  It wasn’t the intense play that Ben and I usually engage in.   I think it was nice to actually experience something a little different.. a little more sensual.  Sensation play isn’t typical for us.  We’ve probably done it only a handful of times in the years we’ve been together.

Ben set the tone by lighting candles… that I wouldn’t be seeing long.  He covered my face with the blindfold and had me lay on my stomach to start.  He started by running his fingers over my skin then would randomly add in the wheel.  What a difference in sensations!  Going from the softness of skin to the cold, pokeyness of the wheel startled me the first time.

After a bit he had me flip over and teased the front side of my body.  When he used the wheel on the more sensitive parts of my body.. I was fully aware of it.  By the time he was ready to move onto other things… I was more than eager.  Every inch of my body was on high alert from the sensory deprivation mixed with the Ben’s teasing.

So my over all experience… it was fun.  I liked changing things up… I think variety is the spice of life.  I love trying new types of bondage toys.. as we are big fans of S&M play.. even if this was on the lower end of the spectrum.  If you ever get the chance to try one out… definitely try it out.  I was amazed at the heightened senses I experienced… yes.. it was fun.

If you’re in the market for any new sex toys, be sure to swing by Eden Fantasys… they have a wide variety of toys to browse through.  You never know what will peak your curiosity!

Happy 1 Year to My Blog!

It’s hard to be believe that it’s been a year since I started blogging here.  So much has happened and time has passed so quickly.  It’s been a good year of growth though!  I know at times I go for days on end without blogging, but I’ve learned that I simply just don’t have enough to say to blog every or every other day.  Hell, I don’t have the time to fit that in.  Luckily Ben makes sure I keep this place updated once a week.  So it works out well.

I blogged for almost three years on my old blog… and there was a different tone there.  It started out purely a sex blog.  It was a place I shared our hotter (IMO) encounters.  It morphed into something entirely different.  I hit a place where birth control became an issue.. and so sex became an issue.  I’m sure a lot of people would think that’s crazy, but Ben isn’t too keen on condoms and so we weren’t really having much sex.  It became a big thorn in my side and made it harder and harder to share what was going on in my head.  I pulled into myself and wasn’t able to put words to anything.  I felt neglectful of my blog.

By the end I took a six month hiatus and came back.  It wasn’t for long, though.  After the good stories from my time away dried up.. I was back in the same spot.  I loved to blog…. still do.  I was just struggling to share what was going on with us.  So when we entered into a power exchange relationship…. I didn’t feel I could share that there.  It was different than I had shared there before.  Yes, it was about submission, but it was a completely different version of what I was now living.

When Ben told me that he was going to have me blog because he knew how much it meant to me, the only option was to start anew.  So I trucked my ass over to WordPress… and well… here we are a year later.  I have to say it feels good to be able to write again.  It feels good to be able to share my mind more than I was able to towards the end on TGL.  It’s nice to feel safe in sharing my life.

And so…. have some cake…. and I hope that to see all my regulars a year from now with the addition of new faces.  No matter what, I’ll be here sharing our story.  🙂

30 Days of Kink-Day 7 (and birthday spankings?)

Day 7: What’s your favorite toy?

Back when I first started dabbling with pain.. I became a big fan of floggers.  I loved how they felt hitting my back… the way they reddened my skin… the rhythm of the swings.  To say it’s intoxicating is an understating.  I being the person I am sexually.. wanted more.. to try new things.  And so we looked for new things to bring into our collection.

From there Ben decided he wanted to try something edgier… and thus the birth of the wire hanger.  The sting of it was incredible and very hard to take.  I had a love/hate relationship with it.  I loved the marks… but I struggled so much with the sharpness of the hits.  I loved how deep into subspace it would take me.. but hated how out of control I felt… how scared it would make me.  Funny how I still felt safe.. because he would wield it.  It has become something only used for punishments now.  It makes for a perfect implement for correction.

We decided to look for something more… I bought him a cane next.  I had always been afraid of it.. the terrible bite I had heard of scared me beyond belief.  I figured it couldn’t be worse than the hanger… and was ready to conquer my fears.  I was excited and nervous.  It would only take one session before I fell completely in love with it.  It was suddenly my favorite implement… and was the one I wanted him to use every time.  Who knew?   In all the new toys we’ve added to our collection… nothing has taken it’s place.

As far as other toys.. I had a favorite vibrator for a long time.  It was a yellow Doc Johnson… and I called it Sunshine.. cause it always made me smile.  It was one of the most perfect vibes I’ve ever encountered and aided in many orgasms before it met its untimely demise.  I wish now I had stocked up.  The only one that has come close was an anal vibe we bought last year.  It’s intense…. and I’m quite fond of it.  Then, of course, there is my njoy.  It is hands down the best butt plug out there.

So there you have it.. a run down of my favorite toys in our collection.  I’m sure it will continue to grow over the years. 🙂

Now maybe Ben will use one of our toys to give me birthday spankings today!  If that’s the case… I have 29 plus one to grow on coming!

30 Days of Kink-Day 6

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

This is tough… because fantasies bare one’s soul.  I know I do a lot of that here but I always leave a little bit for myself.  I don’t share it all for various reasons.  There’s stuff I’ve fantasized about… and we’ve done I don’t share.  It’s a bit silly really, as being judged by strangers shouldn’t matter, but the fact of the matter is it’s a bit scary.  So because of that… I’ll throw out a few different fantasies of mine that I have… that doesn’t really mean they are interesting or weird.  Just are what they are.

Elevators.  I have a thing for elevators… Ive written about it before.  I always size them up… always wonder if it would work.  This fantasy will probably never come true as the risk is way too high I think.  I had someone offer it to me once but the elevator in question was way too quick.  There’s no way it would’ve worked.  Still, I think it’s really hot to have that rushed feeling of urgency to pull up my skirt… bend over and be taken.  Yum.

FFF threesome.  I came close to this years ago with an old girlfriend of mine.  It didn’t pan out.  It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to do it… to be sandwiched between to two soft women.  I can imagine their hands on me… fingers tracing over my skin… their lips against mine… our breasts touching.  Oh yes… good stuff.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a woman that can make me feel like that… and to have two of them… yeah… awesome.

Puppy or kitty play.  This is a recent addition.  I don’t really know what it is about it that drives that desire.  It could very well be all about exploring new things that does it… or the objectification of it, being his thing of pleasure.  I have this fantasy that involves being taken to a pet store to buy a collar and leash specifically for this and the slight humiliation of this.  Yeah.. it makes me tingly.  I don’t really have anything other  to expand on this… it just is.

That’s really the only things that come to mind right now.  So much of the things I imagined I’ve had the opportunity to try…. and most have been just as good or better than I expected.  I think I’m pretty lucky that way.  🙂

30 Days of Kink-Day 5

Day 5: What was your first kinky sexual experience? If you haven’t had one yet, talk about what you hope to have happen.

I feel like I am repeating myself a lot in this 30 day challenge!  I think I should have read all the questions a few times before I set to actually answering them.  I’ll try to expand on this.

I don’t remember my first kinky experience blow by blow… so this will probably be pretty short and sweet.  I remember driving to meet him with a few things he had me bring.  I remember us going to Fred Meyer together to pick up a few other things.  I went after condoms… he went after rope and duct tape.

We drove to a secluded parking lot and backed into a parking spot.  We climbed into the backseat (not the most convenient of places to do a scene.  He had me get on my stomach… then hogtied me.  He was good with words…. with dominating with words.  He told me to make him cum and he’d let me loose.  In retrospect, maybe I should have been more careful?  Anyways, I did my best… struggling to suck his cock to completion.  He was quite impressed by my abilities and eagerness.

He let me loose after that… then we talked for a little bit to give him time to re-coop.  It wasn’t long before he had me riding him with my mouth gagged and my hands behind my back.  I remember the burning in my muscles as I worked hard to make him cum again.  It was fun… but I don’t remember cumming.  I found a lot of satisfaction in pleasing him.  I was hooked by the domination of it all.

Looking back… it pales in comparison to some of the scenes Ben and I have had.  It seems so tame.  I like how our scenes have evolved into us… how we’ve made them our own.  Both of us have what we want.. which is what it is all about.  I think the thing about this first experience was that it was new for me… and I embraced it.  I like how far I’ve come since that first time.