Category: dominance

>HNT: symbols

>symbol (sim-buhl)-noun: something used for or regarded as representing something else; a material object representing something, often something immaterial; emblem, token, or sign.

There are many symbols in our world.
When a person wears a ring on their left hand… generally it means that that person is spoken for… married or intent. Sometimes it’s just a sign of commitment. Either way there is a heavy weight put behind this outward statement of such an inner feeling.

For me… my wedding and engagement rings are a sign that I am married. It means that I have promised myself to my husband for the rest of my time on this Earth. I wear my rings everyday… all day. They are special to me… a part of who I am now.

When a person wears a collar… generally it means a person is owned in some form or another. The depth of such ownership is decided upon the couple. A collar is also equally as heavily weighted as a ring as it is not something that should be taken upon lightly. It’s a commitment all of its own… to be in a relationship that is ran by one partner sexually and/or in everyday life.

For me… my collar is a sign that Ben is my dominant… sexually. We are equal partners in all other things. It means that I agree to submit to him… to meet a sexual need we both have. I wear my collar everday… all day. It is special to me… a part of who I am.


>When it’s been a while between our more aggressive sexual adventures…. it’s funny the emotions I go through. It ranges from uneasiness (over reconditioning my mind and body to accept intense pain) to pure excitement. This was the case Saturday night.

I hadn’t been sleeping well and so after the third night of this.. I decided it was time we rotated the mattress. Ben came into the room… I had already pulled the blanket, sheet, and pillows onto the floor. I was only wearing a thsirt… my ass barely peeking out. As I bent I felt his hand rub against my exposed skin. I let out a sigh… making sure he knew I liked it.

His fingers traced the line of my ass… giving way to the soft skin of my pussy. I gasped when I felt his fingers rub my clit somewhat roughly. He gave it a few strokes before moving his fingers back.. and plunging into me. I pushed back against his hand… and whimpered when they left after only a minute.

We went about turning the bed… and as we were putting the stuff back on… I was bent over the bed again fixing the covers. I didn’t even notice him coming up behind me… and planting a firm smack on my ass. His hand hand up on my back… holding me down…. then applied several more swats to each cheek.

He let me up after… saying it was shower time. The shower was uneventful…. each of us showering in silence only glancing up at each other here and there exchanging a smile or a knowing look. When I finally exited.. I did my after shower routine… as Ben had already left the bathroom. I listened as I brushed my teeth… hearing the tell tale sounds of our toy drawer. I felt the fear somewhat grow in my stomach. It had been weeks since I had endured any sort of prolonged pain. I also felt the excitement of the impending treatment…

I couldn’t draw it out anymore… and walked out of the bathroom only to be met by Ben.. holding two of my vibrators. He handed them to and told me to make sure they were clean (apparently they hadn’t been used in a while…who knew that drawers got so dusty). As I washed them… he came in for a towel.

I followed him into the bedroom.. and this is where my memory gets hazy. Its funny how more intense something is.. the harder it is to remember.

I was pushed over the corner of the bed…. no warm ups… just powerful blows from the flogger… over and over. The first ones had no rhythm to them… so hard to stay focused and not cry out. Soon, though, his assault had a steadiness to it.. that allowed me to sink into a quiet enjoyment.

He wouldn’t allow that for long… dragging me to my knees… slamming his cock down my throat. He fucked my face while he continued working on my back and ass. As he did so…. he told me that he wanted me to present parts of my body for him to whip… which made me shudder. There is something about choosing your fate so to speak that makes it all the more hard to endure.

He pulled away… and instructed me to go ahead and show him where to spank. I thought for a second… and turned… getting on my hands and knees. I arched my back and stuck my ass in the air. He did not hesitate.. and just as quickly as I had got into position… the first blow fell across my ass. Over and over the flogger falls made contact with my skin.. sometimes making me scream… other times making me moan.

Soon he was ready for a new target… and urged me to pick something else. I sat up a bit laying across the bed… pointing to my back. There was a confidence in that choice… as it’s my favorite place to be flogged. He moved onto my newly selected spot. Strike after strike… I laid there enduring what he dished out.

After a bit.. I was told to pick a new spot. I pointed to the backs of my thighs this time. He only got a few hits in on this spot. One blow hit the side of my thigh… wrapping around… that brought forth such pain. I gasped… and screamed.. and felt my chest tighten trying to find air…. and the tears filling my eyes. I begged him to stop…

“Why?”, he said… dripping with condescension.

“Because it hurts”, I choked out.

“But it’s supposed to hurt, isn’t it? And you like it, don’t you?”, he was all smiles… I could tell without even looking.

“Yes”, was all I could respond with… between deep breaths trying to keep from completely falling apart.

He knew I didn’t want him to stop.. and pressed forward to picking another spot. For whatever crazy reason (maybe because I know how much he likes it), I picked my pussy. I rolled over.. spreading my legs for him. He offered up his cock to help distract me from the attack I was about to feel.

I took him deep into my mouth… and his soothing words rolled from his lips… asking if I was ready. And so… he began…. getting in a few good hits before I couldn’t take more. The tears came back to my eyes. I could feel panic filling me… but he has a way of calming me… bringing me back to where he needs me to be.

Soon I was laying there.. legs spread… willing to accept more. He was going to give me one more…. one more good one. The fear grew in me…. waiting.. wondering when it’d come… my mouth full of his cock again. Then out of no where.. the last stinging blow hit my tender flesh. I pulled my legs up to me… laying in a ball. There was no stopping the tears this time.. as they streamed down my face.

He told me to breathe… to calm myself… as he moved around to the other side of the bed. He got me off the bed… I leaned in to suck his cock again… but was met with resistance. The wood handle of the flogger was at my throat.. causing me to struggle to reach even the tip. I struggled.. pushing harder.. digging the wood into my throat to finally reach my prize.

Satisfied with my struggle…. he removed the flogger. I moved my head up and down… fucking him with my mouth. Words flowed from his mouth as I did as I was expected.

“So I guess I should tell you what I have planned for you tonight. Those two vibrators you cleaned are going into your pussy…. and I’m going to fuck your ass. Like that idea?”, he asked… as if he was talking about what he had for lunch.

I could feel the dread coming over me. I don’t prefer being fucked in the ass when we play harder… my body isn’t as relaxed as it needs to be to allow him to do so without hurting me. So.. yeah, I wasn’t looking forward to it.

He pulled away from me… and told me to get onto the bed on my back. I did so…as hee pulled me to him… my legs spreading again. There wasn’t pain.. but pure pleasure as he slid deep into my pussy.. filling me. I cooed…. enjoying the reward I had earned.

His arms wrapped around my thighs… fucking me… my fingers wandered down… and started rubbing my clit. My eyes shut and went with it… fully enjoying all the sensations that flowed through my body. This wouldn’t be all I’d get though…. soon I found myself void of his cock…. and had my cunt filled with the first of two vibrators.

I took the first one with ease. One is no problem by any means. He fucked me vigorously with it…. making sure I was nice and wet (like that’s any problem). He only stopped to slid the other in… stretching my pussy out. I felt so full…. words escape me in how to accurately describe it.

He pushed my knees up further.. getting better access to my ass. Normally I would put up some resistance… but honestly I was pretty far gone by then… so I laid there… letting him do whatever he wanted.

With one hand.. he held the vibrators in place.. and the other.. he squeezed a ton of lube into the slit of my ass. I heard him set the bottle down… then felt the tip of his cock press against me. I had very little fight in my body.. which was probably a good thing… and worked in my favor.

I felt him slip inside of me… pressing further and further… not giving me much time to adjust to the stretching of my ass. I reached down again… rubbing my clit.. trying to keep the focus on something more enjoyable. Finally when he was all the way in… he begin pumping in and out… more forceful than he’d normally be.

After a few more minutes of his cock and the vibrators fucking me… I asked him for more lube as my body was tensing and it was starting to hurt. He obliged me… then went back to the task at hand.. sliding back in and not giving any adjustment time.

By then I was so far gone… the sensations were overwhelming.. and I could feel myself deep in subspace.. where very little could touch me. I’m not even sure how much time passed…. or how many times my body trembled with orgasms. Though, at some point.. his seed spilled into my ass. When his orgasm subsided he pulled out… then pulled the vibrators out.

I pulled away… curling into a ball… as he slipped into bed up behind me enveloping me in his arms. This is when the whole experience washed over me…. and tears poured from my eyes.. like this wonderful release of anything bad that I felt. In that very second… I was wonderful… and felt just.. well good.

Moments like that are probably hard to describe or understand unless you’ve experienced them. I’ve had very few experiences like that… and I wouldn’t trade them for the world…. they are simply amazing.

It took me almost a hour to full snap out of it… and be completely normal… but it was so totally worth it. It was good stuff indeed.

>a glimpse

>………was inside of me… deep to the hilt.. filling me full. I was on top of him.. facing away… and slowly started to grind against him.. making circles with my hips. His hand moved up my spine to my shoulder… grasping it with his hand. I love when he grabs my neck or shoulders firmly…. there is something so dominant about it…. I love how my body reacts.

Before I knew it his other hand came up… and both wrapped around my neck. He pulled me back…. till I was almost laying against his chest. I laid perfectly still… as did he. I focused on staying calm… trying to conserve what air I had in my lungs. Every few seconds I’d gasp for air a little…. only he didn’t let up. It was… hot.

We laid like this for a few minutes… before I couldn’t take it anymore. I moved my hips up and down… his hands still about my throat. The silent room was penetrated by the sounds of my wet pussy…. soon he joined me… fucking me with such vigor that….

>Ben and I rarely get a Saturday afternoon together… he always works late. So.. when he gets to come home earlier than usual…. I like to spend as much time with him as I can. Im a greedy girl like that :-).

We had grabbed a shower not long after he got home… we didn’t really have any plans but knew we were going to grab something to eat- I had a really long, hard day at work. He always gets out before me… and so when I finally dried off and did all my after shower rituals… he was on the couch with the laptop.

I looked at him kinda funny… kinda taken back that he wanted to be on the computer instead of being with him. We said something to each other, I can’t remember what… and then I think I said “hmph” (playfully of course) and walked into our room.

I laid down on the bed… there was no sheets or blankets… as we had stripped them to wash. I curled up next to one of our cats and began petting him as I could hear Ben calling out to me. I didn’t answer… but was grinning ear to ear knowing he would come to me.

And he did… within minutes he was in the bedroom asking me what I was doing… in which I answered, “petting the cat”. He sat on the bed and laid he his head against me… I love it when he does that. I readjusted… so that I was on my back and his head was on my stomach. He laid there and talked for a bit.

Soon I felt his hand wandering up my thigh to my sleeping pussy. His fingers slid up the lips.. bringing it alive and alert. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his touch. Minutes passed and I warned him that if he didn’t stop… I might rape him. He laughed and said okay.. that we needed to get some dinner.

“We can watch a lil’ somthin’ somethin’… and then maybe later.. we can watch a lil somethin’ somethin’“, he said… I was all smiles.

I rolled over onto my stomach and asked where he wanted to get something to eat. He didn’t know. Then.. out of no where… his palm made contact with my ass. It wasn’t the hard, get your attention type… just a playful… slap on the ass.

From there… there was a barrage of spankings… in which I loved. They were soft at first… working up to the ones that sends every inch of your body into alert. From side to side… and sometimes in the same spot a couple times before moving on… he worked my ass over. I was loving it.

Soon his fingers found their way to my very wet hole… he commented on how wet I was ( he loves the way my body responds to him). He kept spanking me.. making me yelp as he slid his fingers inside. I was in overload… I knew at any moment I was going to cum. I could feel that tell tale build… but was riding the wave slowly to the shore.

I felt his hand pop into my cunt… I tried staying relaxed but every nerve ending in my body was awake. He assault didn’t stop.. he kept working my ass and pussy over… knowing he had me just where he wanted me. Seconds passed…. and the words fell from my mouth.. asking to cum… then answered with a hissing yes.

The orgasm ripped through me… although Ben was not letting up… and so it felt like it lasted forever. All my muscles grasped his hand…. till it was over…. atleast from my end. He was in no way done with me.

Soon he broke out the wire hanger (which seems to be his toy of choice lately.. and I am notttttt complaining). I saw it out the corner of my eye, and where as I love it… my body tensed. The swats began…. I wasn’t ready… I felt panicy… and my breathing became erratic. I rose up… in which I was ordered to breath and get back down.

I lowered my body and tried to regain my breathing… his hands never left my cunt. This happened several times… and we transversed a lot of the bed. It amazes me how much you can move when you’re having sex. I could feel the heat radiating off my back and ass.

A while passed of this dance… and finally Ben wanted some attention for himself. He had been very giving… it was all about me up until then… something that doesn’t usually happen… for that.. I am thankful. He told me to suck his cock. I climbed off the bed eagerly.. as I had been wanting to feel it in my mouth… it was weird to go so long without his flesh hitting the back of my throat.

When I got to the floor, I took his cock into my mouth eagerly…. sucking with vigor. I slid my tongue against it with every bob of my head. Then I stopped… took his wet fingers into my hands… then began sucking my juices off them. When they were clean.. I went back to the job at hand.

Ben took up swating me with the hanger again while I sucked him. It’s far easier to be composed this way.. I have something to focus on.. to keep me from feeling scared of the sensations. Some time passed again… and I was told to get on the bed and lean my head over the side. I obeyed… and he straddled my face. I took his balls into my mouth… recieving moans from him.

“You want me to spank your pussy don’t you?”, he asked… and of course the answer was a resounding no. “Yes you do… you want me to spank it.. I know. Open your legs…. open them… “, and I did as I was told.. reluctantly.

I felt the cold metal make contact.. I cried out a little but still kept sucking his balls gently. Over and over it hit my skin… getting harder with each blow till I couldn’t take it anymore. I snapped my legs shut…. and again, Ben’s cool words fell from him mouth telling me to open my legs.

I reopened them… and he went back to work… till the same thing happened. This time.. he had another idea…. he was going to spank my pussy while he fucked me. That idea, I was down with. I turned on the bed… letting my ass hang off the bed a little and spread my legs for him.

He entered me…. and oh my did it feel good. He stroked himself in and out a few times then went about the business of spanking my pussy again. He fucked me hard.. and swatted me hard too…. but I was loving every second of it. I couldnt’ take it much longer and begged for him to just fuck me. Ask and ye shall recieve.

He dropped the hanger… and grabbed my legs. He began pouding me with force I don’t see that often. It lasted for a while too… much to much delited surprise. When he finally came….. I pulled him to me…. wrapping my legs and arms around him… and kissed him with all the passion I could muster. Our lips seperated…. and I whispered to him.. our faces so very close…. that I loved him.


We cuddled for a bit.. then I felt like I could actually stand. So we got up… I went and hugged him.. and did as I always do after we play. I spun around and checked out my ass in the mirror. It was all red and welty. On th side of my ass… there was a pattern… I giggled and told Ben it looked like fish scales. How I do love my marks. I will marvel at them for days to come 🙂

>Sometimes I think that the frustration builds up… so much that no matter how many times you notch away at it…. it continues it’s upward climb. Sometimes I think the only way to actually bring it to it’s knees is to bring the GIRL to her knees…. till she’s a puddle of tears… but somehow- it frees her.

I think I’m kinda at that point. The point where I just need to be reduced to a pile of flesh. I can tell… because I’m sensitive to everything. Things that wouldn’t normally irritate me… have been. I need a healthy dose of Ben beating my ass to bring balance back to me.

I need him to… beat me… push me… take from me… and then.. put me back together… all fresh…. and free.

>Life is constantly moving forward. The sun will always rise…. just as sure as it will set… this has always been a constant.

Ten years ago.. you could have never convinced me that I would get off on pain… no way, no how. But, then again…. there are lots of things that you could not have convinced me of then. Hell, FIVE years ago… I probably wouldn’t have believed it either- yet here I am… craving that sensation. The drug I will never get enough of…

I love spankings… this I’m sure you know by now. I am fascinated by it…. the feel of it… the mind set it puts me in. So when Ben asked last night if I wanted him to get something that would hurt more than his hand… who was I to say no?

He left me bent over our bed… ass out… and walked past me to our closet. Instantly… I knew. I knew what he was going for. My heart felt like it sunk down between my knees with panic…. strange… since I have wanted to up the intensity. This is what I had been wanting.. what I had asked for. It was playing out in front of me.

My head raced… excited… scared… nervous…. thinking what he was going to produce was a plastic hanger. What I forgot about was the metal ones that still hung in there from his work uniforms. I tried to get a glimpse from out of the corner of my eye… but I didn’t even see so much as a tip.

He ran the cold metal over my back and skin. I shivered a bit… from the temperature of it… and the anticipation of feeling it make contact with my back side. I feared (or maybe hoped) for the worst. He asked if I was ready….. and even though I wasn’t sure I was… I said yes. Leading up to the first blow was worse in my mind than the actual event.

He tapped my ass a few times.. gently…. my body was full attention… waiting. Finally… the first real assault came… taking my breath away. It stung… bad. Just as I had imagined…. yet I still wanted more. It came as no real shock to me. While he started working me over.. my mind wandered… from the thoughts of wanting more… to not being sure I could take more…. to wondering if THIS is what a cane felt like.

Before he was done, Ben striped my ass… had a little fun with my breasts… and even managed to get me to spread my legs far apart to get one good swat on my cunt. I am fairly sure I could have taken more… that it could have went on for quite a bit longer. I’m not exactly sure why I let it end… I kind of was kicking myself as we laid there… quietly content in our post sex haze.

Once we pryed ourselves out of bed… I checked out my “war wounds” in the mirror. A sly grin came across my face to see the product of his love. (Because in my eyes…. he does this because I ask him to…. because he knows it’s what I need…. and so that it love.. to me amongst other things). There is something about when he marks me…. that brings me such joy. I wonder do all people that play so to speak enjoy their marks as much? Do they wear them like a badge of honor?

Even as I was in the bathroom at my father-in-laws (look for another post coming soon to a blog near you!)…. I turned to admire the red lines… and faint bruises in the mirror. Sigh. What more can a girl ask for?

>I woke up earlier than I would have liked (no… this is not a repeat post lol). My allergies were not letting me sleep.. ie… I couldn’t breathe well.. and well… Ben was snoring. So I got up and read some blogs till I heard our alarm go off in the distance.

“Happy Birthday!”, I heard my barely away husband call out. I replied with a thank you… then was told a few more times… happy birthday…. which made me giggle a bit. I put the computer down and climbed back into bed with him. Cuddling up close to him, I closed my eyes and smiled.

Not long after sliding into bed with him again, did my hand slide up his chest. My fingers glided over his nipple… barely grazing it… but extracting a reaction from him. I took the nub in between my fingers and pulled gently. I worked it over for a minute or two the moved to the next.

By the time I was done teasing his upper body.. his lower was more than ready for some attention. My hand went south… bumping into his cock… full and hard. I slid my hand over it… all warm and firm… feeling the lust grow between my own legs. Wrapping my fingers around it… I slowly started to stroke… slow and deliberate movements.

I played for a bit before decided to move back to his nipples. My hand left its new companion and my mouth went to work on his nipple… taking it in between my lips… kissing it… nibbling it… flicking it with my tongue.

Ben’s hand took over…. something I love. There is something about him stroking his cock in front of me that drives me mad… something no other man has ever been able to do. I positioned myself so that I could watch him pleasure himself. I could feel his body tense at the double attention- a duet of sorts.

It wasn’t long before I could not take it anymore. My mouth made a move… from nipple to cock. I parted my lips and took him deep into my mouth.. to my throat. He groaned… a sign of his approval. I made no waste of our time… and began servicing his cock. Moving up and down at different speeds… sometimes with my tongue pressed hard against… sometimes all the way to the hilt. Any way.. it made no difference.. time has a way of teaching you the things your lover likes.

When I could take no more, I climbed on top of him… a leg on each side… and took him into me. I started bouncing up and down- slowly at first then building in speed. I could feel the steady rise of my orgasm…. it was coming slowly.. but still coming.

My movements were deliberate.. just as my blow job had been… it was not even paced… I would go slow.. then fast… just to switch it up a little. A bit passed… this dance of sorts… before he had me switch it up. He turned me around.. facing away from him… and I went back to work.

This did the trick for me.. I could feel myself on the edge of release. Playing this game of chicken… running to the edge then backing off…. I wasn’t ready to cum just yet. I kept riding him though… so close to erupting… but not letting go. I needed something to push me off.

I climbed off.. getting onto my hands and knees… Ben followed suit. He wasted no time to get behind me. I felt one of his hands touch my waste then pushed down into my back… and the other on my shoulder and neck.. grasping. He went to work on my cunt.. fucking me like there was no tomorrow.

That was all I needed… that little bit of dominance… so simple… and I was falling. My orgasm surged through my body… riding that wave of pleasure. Ben followed again… exploding into my hungry pussy.

We collapsed into each others arms… and soon drifted between sleep and wakefulness.

We dozed for a bit.. before I woke again… feeling horny once more. I laid there for a few.. debating what I wanted to do. Finally, I slid my hands down between my legs… finding a nice warm, wet pussy waiting to be violated. I slid my fingers in between the lips… finding my clit. I worked circles slowly. The sensation made my back bow a little… waking the sleeping man next to me.

His hands began to work me over…. inching over my skin… pinching my nipples… down between my legs to my thighs… cupping his hand over my face.. taking my breath away. All the while I kept working my pussy… rubbing my clit and dipping my fingers inside.

The build to my next orgasm was intense… I could barely handle it. I finally took his hand and shoved it to my cunt… hoping he’d get the hint. He did.. moving between my legs then sliding his fingers deep inside of me.

It was right there.. I could feel it… I was teetering. I moaned and deepened my resolve to cum… rubbing faster. My breathing labored… my legs tensed… my eyes squeezed tight… and finally.. the sweet release came.

When I came down off the high…. and my breathing came back to normal… we cuddled into each others arms again… knowing that this would not last… it was time to get up and get our day started.

>It has been a week since we last had sex… because the dreaded aunt had come to visit. We were both frustrated.. missing our coupling. I received a phone call from my nephew saying he was on his way over to mow our lawn. We pay him to mow our lawn each week so that he can earn some cash and well… because we don’t really like mowing the lawn.

We laid there in a groggy state after I got off the phone… but there is no way I was going pass up a chance to feel him inside of me. I slide my hands under the sheets to his hip moving it over to awaken his cock. I rubbed gently getting a sigh of pleasure from him. I worked a few minutes on him before he was fully awake.

Before I knew it Ben’s hands were on my clit… rubbing rough circles. My body reacted immediately… back arched… enjoying the much missed attention. All the while I kept my hand on his cock.. stroking up and down .

After a bit of this.. I could not take it… I needed to feel full…. and so I shoved his hands lower… urging him to plunge his fingers into my wet hole. And he did… deep… sliding them in and out quickly… making my muscles tighten around his appendages. I was almost over powered by the sensations… but not quite.

Soon I was being turned onto my side… slightly lifting my leg to allow him access to my most tender of places. He slid in with ease… me gasping as he did so. A satisfied moan escaped my lips… almost as to say finally!

He started pumping his hips. His fingers inched up my torso till they found their home on my nipple. His initial touches were gentle… kneading them between two fingers. The gentlness soon melted into something more primal… more aggressive. He started tugging on my bud… pull and pinching making me cry out.

Then his assault changed…. he released me… then slapped his palm down on my breast…. I winced in pain. I loved every minute of it. Next came his fingers… raking over my chest. They went from one side to the other… leaving red lines in their wake.

He would spend the next bit alternating till they were screaming for relief. I pulled away a little… needing the break… needing a change. A change was what I got… his hand found a new place to attack… my ass…. there in front of him… begging to be spanked.

This, however, was no nice warm up spanking… this was harsh… take your breath away spankings. One after another… in a nice little row… sharp and to the point. My hands left my chest to cover my ass…. only for him to find my breasts again… slapping them again.

I squirmed… wanting the attack to end in one way… but not wanting it to end in other ways. I recovered my chest…. and as before… he found another target. He lifted my leg into the air… and made contact with my inner thigh. I yelped.

I decided it was time to give my body a break and wiggled out of his clutches onto my back. I moved my fingers to his nipple… taking it between my fingers and rolling it… all the while he kept fucking me.

“Make yourself cum”, he ordered… and so my free hand found itself rubbing my clit… bringing myself quickly to orgasm at his command- my cunt tightening around him.

“Pinch your clit now… until I cum”, he once more directed. I made no point of protesting… I knew that I had no fight in me. So I took the tiny bud in between my fingers and pinched. I could feel my muscles tighten around his cock again… all the while he moved in and out. His finish was not far off… and I was right… moments later his body shuddered… his seed spilling into me.

I hooked my leg aroud his back… pulling him deep inside as he pulsed into me… then let go of my clit… enjoying the product of our desire. Soon he slid out of me… and I curled into him… smiling.

>Where does the need for pain come from? How does one recognize that need inside themselves?

I can honestly say… I do not know where my need comes from.. or if there is even a reason why I am the way I am. I know a lot of people tend to say that devious wants come from a history of some sort of abuse…. but for me.. I had wanted that (just maybe not realized it) before I ever had an abusive relationship.

Growing up.. I can honestly only remember a handful of times I was spanked. I was a willful child… and generally got whatever I wanted. There was few to no rules in my house.. and I frequently boasted about this… that “I could do whatever I wanted”. I ruled my house.. and I knew it. No was really not something I was told.

Whether or not that was a good thing… well.. I know it wasn’t a good thing, but had I been in an environment in which there was structure… would I be who I am now? Probably not. I mean.. I did not turn out that bad, but I certainly could have.

I went from that life.. to a life filled with a lot of pain… not a good pain. My first real relationship was with a man that felt the need to hit me. Usually when we would fight. I am a strong willed girl… and easily am angered by some people. This, of course, lead to a lot of very unpleasant… tear filled moments.

But even though I endured physical abuse.. I still longed to feel a man’s dominance over me sexually. It seems kind of weird to me.. that the idea of it would send me screaming in the other direction. Deep down I guess I know that being dominated I’m not being hurt in a negative way.. and perhaps that is the key here.

Still though, that does not answer where it began… what moment began that addiction? Or maybe.. just maybe it was not environmental induced. Perhaps it is just the way my mind and body are wired… that it is just as much a part of me as my eyes being brown.

Whatever the origin…. it is highly enriching… and brings me much pleasure. So…. it cannot be a bad thing.

>Yesterday was a particularly horny day for me… not that I’m not horny everyday but some days are worse than other. That was yesterday without any doubt… I could barely stand it. I knew I didn’t have a shot in hell, though, because Ben had called on his lunch and said his back was really sore. I let that dream of sex go and gave into self fulfillment.

By the time we went to bed, I still wanted sex, of course…. but like I said, gave up on that idea. We laid next to each other talking as we always do… when the comfort of each other engulfed the room. We cuddled in silence… just enjoying being together. Out of no where Ben reached over and started gently stroking my face.

His fingers brushed my lips sending a jolt of electricity through my body. I was not sure if he was being tender or if he was initiating something. I tried to hold back.. not let the lust get the better of me.. but when he continued… I could no longer reign it in.

Soon his fingers worked their way down to my nipples… giving them hard, short tugs….. pain rushed through them. I let out a whimper and then a sigh. He got up off the bed to his knees… one hand cupped my mouth and nose.. the other…. still tweaked my nipples. He was rough… and it was hard not to scream.

At some point I got on all fours and took his cock deep into my mouth. He grabbed my ass and pulled me closer to him… getting better access to my pussy. He took handfuls of my ass and pussy and induced agony on my sex. It was almost too much to take… I went between gasping for air, whining, and working his cock over.

Finally he pulls away… satisfied with his abuse and climbed off the bed. He called me to him… so I followed and got to my knees. His cock fit perfectly back into my mouth…. he went back and forth between gentle and forceful… ordering me to not breathe until I came over and over. After I would cum, I would pull back and gasp for breath.

Satisfied with my many orgasms he asked if I was ready for him to fuck me… I let out a desperate yes. He had me get on the bed on my back and spread my legs…. then pulled me closer to where he wanted me. The tip of his cock touched my awaiting cunt…. and I let out a sigh. He glided in with ease all the way to the bottom. I reached my hands above my head.. letting him take my body however he wanted…. enjoying feeling him filling me up.

After a few strokes.. I reached down… and started making tiny circles on my clit.

“I want to feel you cum on my cock.. cum for me”, he ordered.

“Hurt me”, I begged… in which he happily obliged.

He took the tender folds of my pussy in his fingers… yanking on them… pinching them… making me writhe in pain. Minutes passed and I came again…. but he did not let up. Before I knew it… this sting of pain ripped through me…. and I panicked. It hurt in a different way and I tried to get away. My breathing labored…. and I wiggled… but he grabbed my arm and pushed it into my chest, calming me.

He went back to the business of fucking me… and leaving my pussy alone. It was not long after that he came… and I laid there…. feeling weak. When I gathered myself we crawled up and laid next to each other… warm from all the exercise.

We cuddled some more before he decided I had not came enough. He moved into between my legs and drove his fingers deep inside of my much used sex. I moaned happily…. knowing that it would not be long before his expert fingers worked me into a frenzy. When I got close… my fingers rushed down… to aid him in his work.

I circled the little nub quickly.. my body rigid with the impending orgasm. It was intense… I knew that it was going to be a strong one. Ben was telling me to cum over and over… and finally…. I hit my breaking point. My body shook… hard…. my breathe was ragged… intense does not describe this one. Tears came to my eyes and my chest heaved with fierce breathes.

Ben climbed up beside me.. pulling me into his chest.. comforting me… holding me close to help me compose myself. It was minutes before my labored breathing went back to normal and my trembling stopped.

Soon… and this is where we enter the TMI part… so be forewarned…. we got up to get cleaned up. He had glanced at his hand… which was coated in blood… I am not on my period. While I was doing so… the sharp pain returned. I tried hard not to cry. When we got back to the bathroom I asked Ben to look at it. I laid back, spreading my legs… fearful of what he was going to find.

He pulled the fold back.. looking deep inside…. he found a sizable cut that was bleeding. He felt terrible… and I reassured him that it was okay.. even if I was a bit freaked out. I was not made… I was more upset that the healing would take a couple days which meant… no sex.

I also had him take a picture so that I could see the laceration . It doesn’t look terrible.. but it I am going to have to stay on top of keeping it clean so it doesn’t get infected. Needless to say.. it is slightly painful. Having rough sex can be hazardous!