Category: relationships


>The other morning I was on my way to work… at a stop light I opened up Facebook. As the updates came… there was my 18 year old niece…. saying she was engaged. I don’t know who else feels like this… but when you watch a kid grow into an adult… its hard to make that transition into thinking they truly are grown up. It was odd to see that she was in fact getting MARRIED.

I can’t help but worry that she is too young… that she’s see far too little of this world… and that she can’t possibly know who she is yet. I know I didn’t… even if I thought I did. I’m not saying that getting married at 18 doesn’t work. What I am saying is… that it takes a lot of work. Marriage is work even when you’re 40 let alone 18. I wonder if they truly know the gravity of what they are going into.

I know at 18 I thought I knew what the whole world was about… that I knew it all. The reality is that I am a different person now than I was then. This may not be the case for her… and for her sake… I truly hope this is true. I just really want her to be happy and have a wonderful and full life. I also hope that this works… and that twenty years from now… they are going to be going strong.

The truth is…. I do very much like her fiancee. He’s a great guy… and adores my niece. I have no problem with him at all. I just worry that’s all. I’ve always been a worrier… and I doubt that will stop anytime soon.

At any rate.. there has not been a date set. My niece is going into the Navy… and leaves for boot camp in May. She said they are going to wait till after that and some schooling she has to go through.. so at least the summer of 2011. I think that will give them time to let their very young (6ish months) relationship weather the test of time and distance. If they can make it through that… I’m fairly certain they can make it work.

Love is a strong thing…but it takes more than that to make a marriage work. I know all of you who are married totally understands that. And like I said… I just want her to be happy…. and him for that matter…. they are good people.

(And before I get attacked…. I hope that I didn’t come off as saying that getting married at 18 is wrong… I just think it brings some added weight. You have to grow up together essentially. I know it’s not impossible… many people have done it.)

>Ben and I were recently asked if we wanted to play with another couple and to go to a swingers party. It SOUNDS sooo exciting. I was bummed when we didn’t go (I got over it though). But of course.. there are a few things that keeps this from happening.

  1. Ben and I are both kinda possesive of each other. Let me clarify that… we don’t really want to share each other with someone else. Having friends.. and doing things outside of each other are A okay…. but as far as being intimate with another… I think this would be very traumatic for each of us. Sooo for us to join another couple… this is sharing… and well.. yeah.. probably end with some hurt feelings.
  2. Ben is not comfortable having sex in front of others… no pictures.. not in the same room… not on cam. The idea of it.. just is not appealing to him. Me on the other hand… I think this is incredibly exciting. I have really come into my own voyeurwise in the last few years. There is something very, very erotic about watching another person/couple in the midst of something sexual. But again.. that’s just me. We are a couple… and so we have to find a common ground to where both will be comfortable.
  3. Past experience…. I’ve been down this road. I trust Ben completely.. but those bad memories… still taint my mouth. In fact… I completely trust said couple as well. They are awesome. This is my hang up.. no one else’s.

Despite this stuff.. it doesn’t keep me from thinking about how fun it COULD be. I feel like we kinda missed out on a great experience.. but if he’s not in it all the way… then I’d rather not do it at all. Keeping our healthy, happy relationship is way more important to me than one night of craziness.

What I do get from this is…. really hot masturbation material! So its not a complete waste!

>I have always been hesitant to air our dirty laundry… I didn’t want to be THAT girl that bitched and moaned about her husband. The fact is… I adore him with my every being… I love him… and plan on spending our lives together. No matter if I am upset with him… or completely happy.. that does not change.

With that said.

Our only ongoing issue in our relationship.. has been sex. Sex is very important to me… always has been. Its part of how I identify myself. I am a very sexual person… period. Ben.. no so much. He is okay with having sex a couple times a week… and leave it at that. He’s not the type to spend time looking for new things to do.. or watch porn without me. It’s not at the front of his mind… almost ever.

For me.. that’s really not so true. I think about sex everyday… multiple times a day. I like thinking about new things… looking for new things. I could happily have sex almost everyday… and be good to go.

There is not a huge difference in the amount we want sex… but it is very noticeable to me sometimes. I am very touchy feely… in a sexual way sometimes…. even if I’m not necessarily trying to initiate sex. Sometimes… my goal is just for him to want me…. to have that want build till later. He doesn’t always get that… the point of it. And so this leads to my feelings being hurt.. because he pushes me away.

About every six to eight months… we do this dance… where it comes to a head… mainly because when it comes up.. we put a quick patch on it and move forward. We never really come to any answers to how to meet in the middle. And so things start back all hot and heavy… and slowly move to the other… and culminates in me being butt hurt and him feeling like he can’t perform to what I need.

I’m really tired of this dance… tired of it coming to that.. because honestly we’re better than that. We can work out our differences.. we are intelligent adults. So thats where we are. It will all work itself out.. its just trying to figure out how to get to that point.

We are both trying to figure out what exactly we need and what we want. When we do, we’ll sit down and talk.. compare.. and figure out the middle ground. It will be work to figure out something new.. and make it work… but I know we can.

>My father was a drunk.

As far back as I can remember… he drank… sometimes to excess… but certainly every single day of the end of his life.

Apparently… he was not always like this… my half brothers tell a story of a very different man. A man whom was the stand up type… someone you would look up to. A good family man… a preacher… and somewhere… somehow.. that all changed. No one has ever told me why… and perhaps… no one ever really knew why… except him. My Dad was tight lipped about all things in his past. Now that he is gone… all that is left is the questions… that will never have answers.

When I was born, my Dad was in his 50’s already… his life more than half over. I’m not sure why he felt the need to have another child… perhaps I was an opps… I would not doubt that for a moment. I don’t know if my parents married before or after the revelation of my impending birth… but either way… they married.

I remember being four. My Mom had went to the store to pick something up.. leaving me with him. He had been drinking… a poor choice in my opinion to leave a little girl with a drunken person.. parent or not. At the time my only friend was my very older cousin’s dog. He and I went everywhere together.

Dad went into the house to go to the bathroom… leaving me outside. I, of course, wandered off into the woods following my “friend” into the depths of the swamp. I remember being knee deep in water… scared and crying because the dog had taken off faster than I could keep up… and so.. I was lost.

At some point I was found… and of course… punished. This my friends… is my earliest memories.. having my ass beat by my drunken father… because he was too gone to make sure I followed him into the house. Nice. Granted, I shouldn’t have wandered off… but I was FOUR. I still hold a bit of resentment for that…. probably always will.

There are stories just like that littered throughout my childhood. When I became old enough to fight back… I did. My mother surely never stood up for me.. even when I was right. She just “wanted to stay out of it”. It was not a very fun environment to grow up in to say the least.

I remember when he moved out of the house and into a camper trailer on our land…. how he would never work… and how he would spend hours laying in bed doing crosswords and smoking with lines of empty beer cans against the bed. In all of my memories… few are good ones of him.

This man drank till the day he died.. literally. He had drank for so many years of his life.. that he could not go a day without at least one drink… it was sad really… I couldn’t help but feel sorry for him and resentful all in the same thought. I never really got why I deserved the father that was cut off from the world.. and why my brothers… had a Dad that was always there for them.

And now.. I’m an adult… shouldering the ghosts of my past… realizing the damage his drinking did in my life. How when Ben drinks… it upsets me… not because he’s an ass… or hurts me.. quite the opposite.. he is a funny drinker. But subconsciously… I feel this… I don’t know how to describe it… perhaps its bitterness… or maybe even fear. I know deep down that Ben is not going to be like my Dad…. he would never put me through having a drunk as a husband. However… I just hate when he drinks.. for no good reason. It is so far and few between…. and yet… it just eats me up inside. I’m fairly certain that is why I can only stomach one or two drinks now…. or why I was never really a partier.

It’s amazing the scars we leave on our children…. it makes me fearful of the ones I will leave on mine. No matter how wonderful a parent.. there is bound to be something… some impression that you leave on them… that is not a good one. One thing is for sure… I will never have them live through the horrors of a drunken parent… no way.

>sex rant

>Yesterday I was reading over the AOL news… and I opened a story that lead me to another link. It was asking… how much sex is enough? I, of course, being the curious girl that I am… began reading. For me.. I really don’t think there is a such thing as TOO much sex.. but that’s just me. We all know how sex crazed I can be.

I read along.. this short snippet.. and came across this little jewel….

“Ugh too much sex is when I just want to watch MTV reruns after working all day and my boyfriend is hounding me to get into bed with him. But I guess I’d say enough sex is two times a week, if I’m feeling generous.” — Sam, 26

Ok… ahem… just how do I be nice about about this.. without seeming like a complete bitch…. okay.. there isn’t a way….

IF I’M FEELING GENEROUS!?!? Are you freaking kidding me? I hate, hate women like this… that act as though they are doing their guy a favor. Please, by all means.. do him a REAL favor and LEAVE. Hopefully after that he will smarten up and find a real woman… that desires him.

I am just floored by this… I just cannot by any means figure out why anyone would feel this way. I mean, no, sex is not the only thing going on in a relationship.. but it is part of it… and if you think you’re going out of your way by having sex with said boyfriend… perhaps… my dear.. you have a problem.

I know that there are women that don’t care for sex. Something bad has happened to them or they just plain don’t enjoy it. I really think that a person that doesn’t enjoy sex.. ever… has some hold ups in their past… be it abuse… mental or physical. I am not trying to say I know every thing… and that allllll women can be fit into this… I know better than that. I’m just saying… sex is a wonderful thing… it is meant to be a good and fun thing… and to not enjoy it.. well… seems like a crime. It’s certainly a shame.

I know personally that I love sex… especially sex with my husband. I could have sex everyday.. and still want more of him. It’s how I am… I could not imagine feeling like he’s lucky that I allowed him to have sex with me. Please… give me a break. Most of the time he is the one beating me off with a stick… (heh.. something I might like lol).

I dunno.. but this just made me see red… that poor boyfriend of hers… he’s a sucker. Maybe I’m wrong here… but its how I feel… plain and simple.

>We celebrated Valentine’s Day early this year because I have to work all next weekend… so we figured this weekend would be the best. After all… it’s not about the day per say.. but about us.

I had been thinking and planning our night for about two weeks now. I am the planner of our relationship… Ben doesn’t plan anything- which is fine. This is how our day unfolded.

Last night.. I made up an excuse to go outside to my car… instead I went to his car and filled the front with balloons, Hershey’s kisses, and a note telling him I love him and to have a good day. This morning he called me after I got to work to thank me for it and tell me how much he loved it… that it brought a big smile to his face… and that “I was the best hunny ever”. So the morning started out really good.

After work, I came home and straightened the house. I was afraid I wasn’t actually going to get everything put together before he got home.. but I pulled it off. I cut up fruit for an appetizer.. blew up more balloons.. laid out rose petals on the ground and bed… lit candles… and started my playlist going that I had put together specifically for this.

When Ben got home… he gave me the cutest stuff bears.. its a couple.. one is dressed as a devil and the other as an angel.. very cute. I kissed him to thank him… very passionately I might add. From there we headed to the bathroom to shower.

While he was shaving afterward, I got into a red satin nighty. I went into our bedroom where I had laid out drinks for us… the fruit, crackers, and cheese…. as well as his card and truffles I made (we decided not to exchange gifts since we’re saving for vacation). I went around the room lighting candles then went and waited for him in the bathroom.

After he was done… I led him into our room where we exchanged cards… mine made him cry *grins*. I was pretty proud of it… I made it as well. There’s just something to be said about the hand made touch… even if it does cost more.

When we were done, we opened our drink and poured it into the glasses I laid out.. then I took a scarf and tied it around his head. He leaned up against the head board as I hand fed him fruit… it was fun to say the least… and erotic all at the same time. Every couple bits I’d give him the glass to drink and such…. it really turned out better than I had envisioned.

When we were full… I leaned up and kissed him.. working my way down his neck. Ben always makes me feel beautiful and wanted.. but something about tonight… I just felt very sexy. I felt… passionate… and raw… in the wonderful way… that way you can only feel with someone who loves every thing about you… even your flaws.

We had amazing sex… I came… well who knows how many times… on top of our bed covered in rose petals. Afterward, I laid there cuddled up in his arms… thinking how perfect it was… how it was just how Valentine’s Day should be… not about jewelry… or flowers.. but about sharing a day… or night with the one you love.

That is what it is to me at least.

>just because

>Sometimes we forget… or… actually sometimes we get lazy… and we quite doing the things we used to. For whatever reasons… they just stop happening… time.. money… or just plain being tired.. it just ceases. I can’t say I’ve always been the type of person to go out of my way to show someone how much I care for them… how special they are to me. I would do things.. but they were always for special occasions.

When I met Ben… he had a history of not feeling appreciated… and from there I made a promise to myself to never let him feel that again. Because of this… I would do special things… like leaving notes.. or having him come home to a massage… or even have him come home to me naked. I always (and still do) would make sure to tell him things I appreciated him doing.. or complimented him. It’s important to me.

Lately I found myself not doing it as much… mostly because he does not surprise me in the same manner. It is not that he loves me any less than I love him… its not that he doesn’t want to… it just comes down to the black and white of it… my dear beloved is not a planner. He doesn’t look at the world like I do. He does not spend all day at work planning a special evening.. its just not who he is.

I mean, I wish he were.. but he is just not. He has so many wonderful qualities about him and so this is not a big deal.. at least.. not always. After all.. I am a woman… and can be a bit crazy sometimes. Besides, I am the planner.. I love to do that… and so.. we fit together nicely.

Anyways.. my point. Like I said.. I kind of let it go… and realized today… that its silly. I enjoy surprising him… doing special things for him… because it makes me and him feel good. So… I decided… damn it… it doesn’t matter if he doesn’t show me the same way that I show him how much I love him. He shows me… every day. He doesn’t have to do special things for me.. because he is always doing something…. always there.. no matter what.

So… back on the horse.. 🙂 Ben is coming home to a nice relaxing shower.. followed by a body massage.. and a candlelit dinner. I can’t wait to spend the evening with him…. hope everyone else has as good of a Saturday that I’m going to have.

>my take on open relationships

>It amazes me how much I have changed in the last ten years… and this post will be a testament to that. Even as little back as three years I was very not so much against open relationships… but did not think it would work for me.

I felt this way because well…. the idea of the man I am with being with someone else… well it made me kind of said… and a wee bit jealous. I had no problem with others living this way… whatever works for the was my thoughts…. but it certainly was NOT for me.

It really was not till here recently that I really began to understand the beauty of this type of relationship. Now I will say this.. Ben and I are not going to try this. However.. I can see the good in this.. and it could benefit and hinder a couple.

With that said.. this is how I feel about it. Throughout time, most cultures did not live with monogamous relationships. Some did marry but would end up having lovers on the side. I honestly am starting to believe that it was not meant for humans to be with just one partner. I think this is something our society has raised up to be believe is true and have in ground it into us so that we feel any other way of living is bad.

I think that it’s just wrong to judge how someone lives their life. If you are not hurting anyone.. then how is it any of your business to tell someone that being gay is wrong.. or liking wearing women’s panties is wrong?

I blame the way our society is today on religion. Though, I guess that is wrong… it’s been this way for a while (but still stems from church and religion). I probably shouldn’t get on that soapbox today… I feel very strongly against organized religion. I think that their core morals have something to them… (be a good person) but yeah…

I’m losing my point. Let’s get back to business here. I think it’s really hard to live decades of your life having sex with just one person. It’s very, very difficult. I think it’s possible.. obviously it’s been done… but hard.

I can see lots of good things coming from this… I think in a way it could strengthen the relationship you have.. the emotional connection… because there would be complete honesty about what’s happening. Then again.. if you were to make an emotional connection with someone else… it could very well go south.

I think that its work… I think that logistics would be important here and of course rules… but if Ben and I agreed to try this… I certainly would not be against anymore. Just as long as I was always his most important person… and that no one else had his heart. That.. belongs to me.

(sorry if none of this made sense… I’m thinking I didn’t actually end up with a point…)

>I am so thankful that Ben does not want to have a threesome with me. I have had a few experiences that revolve around threesomes.. and some where good.. some were bad. I could not imagine seeing him with another woman… I would be insanely jealous… and even more so hurt. I know that some people can do this and not blink an eye at it… but not me.

When I was with my ex… very early on in our relationship.. like three or four months we had talked about it and eventually done it. It was with my best friend at the time. She and I had been friends for years… since we were in first grade. We grew up just down the road from each other… we had been through many good and bad times. Hell, she and I even had dated for several months when I was 18. This event proved to be the most taxing thing for our friendship and my relationship.

It was Memorial Day 2001. She had come over for swimming and bbq. I can’t remember if this was what we had preplanned or not… but nevertheless, it happened. Come to think about it, I’m sure it wasn’t planned because I was on my period.

Anyways… since I was with my monthly visitor… I didn’t actually have sex, but there was a lot of touching and such going on. I don’t remember a whole lot about it.. but what really stands out in my head was seeing her on top of him… seeing him fuck her. It was all too much to take… it upset me greatly. I know I had agreed to it… but it did not change the fact that it hurt me very much.

That one event really set the bar for the whole relationship. It lasted for almost five years.. and this one thing really caused 60% of our problems. He would later go on to cheat on me with her and in pregnant her only to miscarry. He kept this from me for years… and when I found out I was furious. I told him in order to make our relationship work.. he needed to quit talking to her. I, of course, cut her out of my life.

From there.. he just continued to lie to me and hide his friendship with her from me. Even to this day they are still friends.

One event in your life can teach you a valuable lesson. I learned that I cannot share… nor do I want to… nor should I have to. From that relationship I vowed never do this again… that if it was something they wanted… they would have to accept I wasn’t willing or they would have to move on.

Lucky for me… Ben has no interest in it at all… thankfully. He feels the same way as I do… he would never want to share me with another… and this makes me very, very happy. Sometimes lessons are hard to learn.. but sooner or later.. you learn…

>the lifestyle

>As you can probably tell, most of the blogs I read are ones written by slaves… but for sure all of them have a BDSM vibe to them. I have a deep respect for people who live that lifestyle 24/7. I think it takes a lot of commitment, strength, devotion… and so on. I honestly admire it for many reasons.

The level of communication that goes into this type of relationship is immense… and its such a wonderful thing to see. It’s a true testament to how strong it can make a bond. It takes a lot to be open and honest… completely and I think it’s no small task at all. I know personally its hard for me to completely open myself to another person.

There are very few things that Ben doesn’t know and the things he doesn’t know is just because its never been brought up. There is nothing I would not share with him.. even if I have a hard time actually voicing it.

I admire the fact that slaves so freely give themselves… that they have the confidence to give themselves over to another without knowing what the future will hold for them. I know a lot of people feel that its a lack of confidence, but after really reading about people’s lives… you can see that it is quite the opposite.

And lets not forget about all the work it takes to make the lifestyle actually work. It takes a lot to keep it up… to make sure you always follow through, on both slave and Master’s parts. Just thinking of it makes me drained and I really don’t know how they do it everyday. I know that when I come home from work, I just want to relax… and do what I want to do. It doesn’t always go that way, but that is what I want.

When slaves get home, they don’t have the choice of just relaxing.. its up to the whim of another. I just can’t fathom that. Like I said, an incredible amount of work and time. It just boggles my mind at times.

I know for me, being a slave would be hard. I’m not sure that I’m a strong enough person to do it. There are aspects that truly do appeal to me but when I get down to it.. I don’t think I could ever consider myself the property of my husband. I see us as equals… and I am sure that would never change. I know I could not give up my will… to give up my choices.

So we will continue our path… living our lives the way we do.. happily so… and I will continue to be happy for those who can make that life work. No matter what kind of relationship you live, its work no matter what if you want to make it last.