Category: blog


>its been a while

>Short and sweet. Thats me. And… I’m back. I have missed blogging ever so dearly… and now its time to come back.. and try to pick up where I left off. So much has happened… little stuff and big stuff- so bare 🙂 with me as I try to recount what I think is important from the past six months.

I fear I have lost the few regulars I had… nevertheless…. I’ll write anyways. Because after all… this blog really is for me…. I just happen to enjoy having people read as well 🙂

So with that… I’m not sure at what pace I’ll be pumping out posts.. but I hope its somewhat regularly!

>how

>I often wonder how anyone finds my blog. I know that over time.. my obsession of blogs has formed that I’ve ran across many blogs. The thing about it is.. I really don’t remember how I found most of them. I wonder if that’s true for everyone… that they don’t remember how the stumbled across someone’s personal space on the world wide web.

I know that I generally only give only give a new blog one or two posts.. and if I can’t grab my attention.. I move on. I wonder how many would be readers I’ve missed because of few boring or bad posts between the ones I deem good. I’m sure I am not alone in that action… and I’m sure that most people will give it less than one post. But. I could be wrong.

Anyways.. the point… the point is… I just wonder how you found my blog. I would be interested in finding out.. IF you remember. 🙂

>baby steps

>Ive become comfortable with the current track of my blog. Not because that’s how I like it… but simply because that is how its morphed. I keep meaning to write something… and I wait for something blog worthy to come along… and before I know it.. it’s Thursday again. Time to post another picture.. and put my mind back to thoughts of writing.

And that is where that thought ends… where it is left. Tucked away in the corners of my mind.

I’m not sure when I stopped mulling stuff around in my brain.. and when I stopped actually writing. I guess I could go back and look in my archives, but frankly, that seems a little depressing.

So there’s the curser blinking in front of me once more… like so many times before… where I sat and stared at the empty screen. I sit and hope that something will come… if only I ponder long enough. I have two posts that are waiting to be finished.. things I’ve started that very unlikely to ever see the light of the internet.

Why you ask? Well… cause when something finally did come to me…. it took me some time to actually put it down. The words that actually came to me when I thought of them… somehow were blurred… it didn’t have that finesse that it had when it first came to mind.

And so they will probably find themselves in a trash pile.. forever lost to that void. It’s probably for the best… as I’ll never be able to grasp the mood.. or feeling it was originally intended to be written in.

SO… this is my effort to put down something. Here it is.. in all its glory.. just simply cause I felt like writing. Which… I think, is putting the right foot forward to get back on track of writing. Here’s to hoping!

>Blank

>A blank screen stares back at me….. and I have nothing to say.

I want to have something… anything… to say… and yet nothing flows from my brain through my fingers.

It’s maddening…

It is like somehow my mind is silent but yet there is a collision of thoughts… none of which are coherent…. nothing that even I can make sense of.

I have found myself here before. This wall of sorts. Somehow… I find a way to scale it and safely land on my feet… on the other side.

Hopefully.. it comes soon.

>here I be…

>There is a skip in my step… a smile where there was not one before… a laughter that fills my soul…. and a smile that graces my face. I tell you… vacation did wonders for me. I was really getting to a point where going to work was much more of a drag than usual. I just really needed some time away. Yes, I had taken a vacation six months ago.. but the holidays are particularly busy for me at work…. and so that six months felt more like a year.

I find that I’m much happier at work right now (for however that may actually last). It really is a nice feeling… to be somewhat happy about being where you work. I know there has been many times over the last year where I have just loathed being there for one reason or another. It seems that it may be turning around… and for that I am happy…. happy that I waited it out.

It really amazes me what a little extended time off can do for one’s demeanor. Now if I could only get time off each month…. how happy would I be then? *laughs* So for now… all is right with the world but with that comes a lack of stuff to write about…. I’m in that rut of writer’s block again. I really hate that too… because I really WANT to write.. I want the words to come rolling off my finger tips and into the computer… like a well sung song. And yet… here I sit.. blabbering about nothing…

Perhaps.. I can attribute this to so much going on in my head… I’m running head first into another busy time of year… filled with birthdays.. anniversaries…. and graduation *shudders* (what an evil thing that graduation time). I sit and I weigh what goes through my mind and wonder if it is really that blog worthy… I mean.. who really wants to hear about the new guy at work… that I can’t figure out if he’s gay.. or if he’s submissive (not that they go hand in hand by any means!). Or who wants to hear about Ben’s stupid car alarm going off in the middle of each night.. several times. I mean.. seriously.

So instead you get to read my rambling… about nothing.. just something to fill the page.. to get me to the next hopeful post… I’m sorry!

>March- the question month

>This didn’t work out so well for me last March… but I had a brand new blog then… this year… maybe that will change… maybe not.

Either way.. March is the question month… its really simple.. just leave me a question on here through a comment and I will be happy to answer it within reason. So all the way this month… ask away… I’d love to hear from ya!

>
So I’m a big retard…. and I knew it was coming and have been trying to keep a track of it… and some how.. I managed to miss it.

Yesterday.. my blog turned 1 year old!

I cannot believe I’ve been blogging this long… I really thought I’d have something more monumental to say, but I don’t. So yeah…

>blah.

>Honestly.. I feel like the worst blogger right now. If I can even be considered that anymore…

I’ve written… or should I say, started writing two different posts, but I just couldn’t finish them… they just started to annoy me and so I scrapped them. They are gone… never to be seen… which is probably for the best.

I’m having an emotional down swing at the moment… why you ask? Who the f knows… sometimes being a woman sucks.. all those hormones raging through your body… and let me tell ya… I’ve certainly had my share of hormonal ups and down since the IUD came out. I’m happy to report, however, the replacement is less than a week away… I just got to get to Thursday morning… and take a pg test.. and keep my fingers crossed (perhaps I should have kept my legs crossed as well- nah!).

I love my children.. I have two girls… they are wonderful… and I could not imagine my world without them. I just can’t see adding to that… I cannot see giving them a brother or sister. Things would change so much for us. I would have to get a different car… we’d have to move into a bigger house… we would never have just us time.. and that one is the hardest one for me.

I’ve grown so accustomed to our alone time… when the girls are gone to their father’s that to go from that would be rather difficult for me… and him. I know that probably seems very selfish.. but its the reality of it… its how I feel… right or wrong.

I went shopping yesterday for a baby shower I’m going to next weekend. It’s something I haven’t done in many years… it is fun no doubt… but enjoying shopping for a baby doesn’t mean we should rush out and have another child. Even so, there is that little question in the back of my head… that nagging… are you sure you don’t want one. We have weighed the pros and cons… and the pros are not even close to being sufficient enough to even consider having a child.

This is what makes this whole IUD issue so troubling. We have been careful to prevent getting pregnant but nothing is 100% except not having sex at all. And well… that really isn’t an option for me.. I would go nuts… really… I would.

I guess what this is all about.. I just want things to be like they were. With no worry in the back of my head… and not have to worry about using protection when we do have sex… there is nothing sexy about that.. at all. It’s made me realize.. that maybe we should take that leap… that it’s time to do something permanent so that we don’t have another issue like this. The thing about that is… it scares me. It scares me to not have that decision in my hands. Yes, we will decide to take that step… but then after that… there is no changing it. Its permanent… or at least, very expensive to change.

That is exactly why we haven’t yet…. because deep down inside, I’m not 100% sure… I’m like… 95% sure. And see… I had a friend do this… she got her tubes tied… and now, her and her boyfriend are wanting to have a child together at some point. It just seems to me.. that making the decision is tough… and it also seems to me that once its made…that I will regret it.

I hate feeling that way… the indecisiveness of it. It sucks.

Ya know, I’m really sorry that my blog has taken this turn. I really hope that I can steer it back to what I intended it to be…. but my life needs to co-operate in that sense… so that it can be sent back to where it was… we’ll see what happens I suppose.

>my addition

>So I was just going through random blogs today and stumbled across something really cool. Over on the left side of my blog you will see my little black box. Basically it starts and you choose between two options… such as… love or money.. which sends you to another and then another. In the end you are sent to a mystery blog.. its rather fun actually because you never know where you will end up!

Here is more details and how you can add it to your blog if you should so choose. 🙂