Category: birth control


>I feel like I’m caught up in a whirlwind… that somehow in the last nine months my life has become something unfamiliar. I need a break from my life. I need for one day to wake up and not wonder whats the birth control of choice today? Am I even needing that birth control… ie… am I actually getting laid? And really… I wanna wake up and not hate that I have to go to work.

It’s just been one thing after another… and I’m just not sure what to do with anymore. I wanna breathe freely… and not feel like something else could happen at any minute. Dramatic much? Yes… yes it is… but it’s how I feel this very moment. It’s maddening… and I hate it.

I realize that tons of other people have their own issues to deal with… that are far worse than mine… but that doesn’t make me enjoy mine any more. I mean really… if I never had to take birth control again… I’d be the happiest girl. I never in my life thought I’d have so many issues. It really makes no sense to me at all…. I mean… it wasn’t till this year that I even had the slightest problem.

So that lends to… why now? What has changed in me that makes it impossible to actually it work? The ups and downs of all of it have drained me. I mean the Nuvaring incident has left me reeling… and the effects didn’t fully go away till probably a week ago.

I never went into details about it all… but it actually affected my libido. I was at a point where in my mind I knew I wanted sex… but no other part of me did. It scared the shit out of me… because I’ve always been someone with a really high sex drive. For that not to be the case… I didn’t know what to do with that. I was terrified that it wouldn’t come back… and if I didn’t I wasn’t sure how that would reflect on my life.

I pride myself on my sexual side… always have. Without that… I wouldn’t be complete. That sounds weird… but that’s how I see myself. I am a sexual creature…. plain and simple. And so for that need not to be there… it was hard to handle.

So here I am… exhausted from it all. It’s time to make a tough decision… one that scare me.

I’ve decided to go ahead and get a tubal ligation. I want this done and over with… I don’t ever want to go through this again… and this seems like the best way. My body… my problem (even though Ben is always with me every step of the way). I can’t expect out of him what I am not willing to do myself. And so with that… I made my decision.

I’m scared shitless….. to say the least. But I can’t keep depending on some medication to keep me from having babies. Apparently that just isn’t going to work. My consult is on October 5…. wish me luck… cause I’m certainly going to need it.

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>And the fun continues…

>My body hates me.

No more IUD… didn’t even last two weeks…

Birth control sucks.

NFT.

>the plan

>So.. here’s the 4-1-1.

I went to my appointment yesterday.. and it was realllly hot in that damn room (though.. it really could have just been me). I got in pretty quickly.. which was nice. That doesn’t happen very often. When the doctor came in… she looked at me… and said “I’ve never met anyone with so many birth control issues… you poor thing.”.

Yep. Poor me indeed… poor Ben too.

I gave her an update to where we are now. Trying to figure out what to do next was pretty hard. I’m really running myself out of options.

The Pill- I got pregnant with my youngest daughter
Depo- I really REALLY don’t wanna gain weight (and with recent issues… I don’t want to stick hormones in my body that I cannot take out.. riding that out could be very bad)
IUD- well.. apparently my body hates them now
Nuvaring- yeah… we wont go there
the patch- significant chance of blood clots… um yeah

She asked if we wanted more children.. I said no. She then asked if I had considered getting my tubes tied. Honestly.. I have… and well it scares the shit out of me. So that’s a no go. She asked about other permanent option where they place a spring in each tube.. and have scar tissue seal them. I had a friend that went that route and said it was terribly painful.. that she wished she had the tubal. So that isn’t an option either.

Ben and I have planned for him to get the snip… we have different insurance… and his sucks. So we have to save up for it.. so that doesn’t help us right now. So in reality we just have to get something to get us through the first of the year.

This led me to decide.. maybe I should get another IUD. I mean.. the only problems I had with it was that they don’t want to stay in. They do, however, stay in a few months at least…which should get me through.

The doctors concern is that it can be up to a month before I can have another placed and prescribed the pill to take up the down time. So… I start that tonight and hope that it works till I get another IUD.

I cannot tell you how worried I am about trying a new BC that I haven’t tried… after what has happened. I really don’t want to have another week like I had.. it was horrible. I can’t wait till this is over and I don’t have to deal with hormones… that are not ones I already had that is.

I just have to remember there is an end in sight… this time next year ideally I won’t have this problem.