Category: first times

>The big D.

>SO… its vacation time again.. is upon us.. in count them… ten days! I cannot wait to get the heck out of here and not have to work! We are doing something that I’ve always wanted to do with the kids but wanted to make sure they were old enough to enjoy and hopefully remember some of it.

We. Are. Going. To…… Disneyland!

I have to tell you… I’m not quite as excited as the girls are… but damn near it. I’ve been to Disneyworld when I was a kid.. but never Disneyland.. so it will be a first for us all. We’re bringing along our niece and nephew again… which should be pretty fun.

The only thing I’m worried about is my sanity… we’re driving. It’s a seventeen hour drive. We are paying for the niece and nephew’s way and so plane tickets for six people add up real quick… so we made a decision to use that money for spending instead and just drive… we may later regret that decision.

This will be the first really long road trip we’ve went on as a family. The beach trip from the summer was a three hour drive. So it was a mini road trip… this will be something all together different. I’ve put a lot of thought into it… and hopefully I have enough activities and such to keep them busy… along with the DVD player. And even though they will have all this stuff… I know I will hear.. “Are we there yet?” about a million times. BUT… that’s okay.. I am prepared for it.. or as prepared as I’m going to be.

So this trip has been eight months in the making… and I’m so excited that it’s here. I wish we were leaving now! What I’m hoping for is nice weather.. like warm.. feel the sun on my face…wear shorts weather. I keep checking the extended forecast and it changes everyday. I want to be able to go swimming in the house’s pool damn it! I don’t think that is too much to ask for!

See… I am cursed when it comes to weather and traveling.. and I will break it down for you. (Granted, there have been trips to Vegas and Canada in between that have not had this issue… but still)

June 2005- I went on a cruise…. Baja Mexico area… out of LA. No one bothered to tell me that they have June gloom…. it was overcast, windy, and chilly the whole time. So much for swimming.
August 2008- Our beach trip…we picked August hoping to get the best weather of the year… the week before we went.. it was beautiful, hot weather… we go… and we get winter storm type weather.. overcast, rainy, and extreme winds.
October 2008- I go to Hawaii…. its overcast practically the whole time… I think the sun came out for like five hours the whole six days I was there… talk about being bummed… its supposed to be sunny in Hawaii!

So I check everyday… and hope as we get closer.. that the numbers will be high and that there will be sun. I just hope that the nasty cold, rainy weather doesn’t follow… please….

I’ve been a good girl 🙂


>Sooooo Ben apparently felt the need to bring back out BDSM with fury. We haven’t really done much extreme stuff lately.. something that I was really missing.. as it does help keep me grounded. But what can you do? Life happens… you just have to make the effort to keep it up. I mean, I couldn’t really remember the last time he flogged me. I guess I could go back through my archieves and see.. but I think that may have made me sad. I think that this whole IUD really put a big strain on us both… but anyways!

Last night… one word to describe it… WOW. It was intense and moving and grounding… well I could go on and on trying to describe it.

We had went to take a shower early in the evening… around sevenish. I had went into the bathroom to do my preshower ritual. I always make sure there are no stray hairs around my eye brows and such… so I was doing this.. when Ben came up beside me. He wrapped his arm around my neck pulling me close to him then began spanking me over and over.

Honestly, I’ve become soft…my tolerance for pain is not what it once was. It is amazing to me how quickly it goes away. So the blows to my ass were not comfortable to say the least, but I will tell you this…. I was wet… instantly.

Before he finished he leaned into me… growling into my ear…

“After our shower.. I’m going to whip you… hard. Now go start the shower”.

I did as I was told and got into the shower. I helped wash his body.. completely turned and aching to feel him inside me. After he was done washing, he shoved me to my knees and fucked my face. When he got his fill, he left me wanting more.

I finished showering and got out.. dried off and did my after shower stuff.. hurrying so that I could actually finish before he came to drag me into the bedroom. When I entered the bedroom I went to my knees again…. taking him deep into my mouth… though this didn’t last long.

He pulled me to my feet and shoved me over the bed. I felt the flogger slap against my back… hard… unforgiving. His assualt was the same.. never letting up… and for the first time ever… brought tears to my eyes. Not just the watery, welling up of tears… this was full on sobbing… and all I could think was that it hurt… and that I hoped that he would not stop.

He switched up a little and had me suck his cock while he flogged me… this time he spoke… mostly to amuse himself I’m sure.

“Know what my goals are tonight?…. Well do you?… HMMM??”

All I could say was I dunno in between having my face fucked.

“Well one is that I’m going to have you begging for more and the other is… I’m going to bruise you tonight”.

This of course made me even more wet. He didn’t let up… he flogged me.. my back.. my legs.. my ass… and fucked my face.. forced me to make myself cum over and over to the pain he inflicted on me. I may have been crying.. but I was in pure bliss.

Then. He stopped.. leaving the flogger on my back… and told me not to move. I made sure not to move an inch. I heard him leave the room and go into the kitchen in which he was rattling around in the drawer… I felt a sense of panic come over me… knowing that that must only mean he was after a spoon.

I was right…. he smacked me with it over and over.. which made me cry more. He later told me that he wasn’t actually hitting me that hard… but it sure as hell felt like it. He hit my ass then began moving down my legs till he got to my feet. I freaked and pulled away.. falling to the ground and pulling my legs into me. Not a good idea.

He yanked me up and tossed me onto the bed again and spanked my ass hard. I wasn’t going to move again. He went back to work on me with the spoon.. me crying out in agony…. it was not pleasant… but…. I would so do it again. Funny how that works.

Finally he decided to fuck me… and kept flogging me. Before I knew it… fucking my ass came into play… and he was deep inside my ass… claiming my body.

So yeah.. it was freaking amazing… and seriously.. its a good thing I don’t sit at work.. that would have been interesting. I have this amazing bruise on my ass with stripes from the spoon. I do like the way it feels to have to sit.. but doing it all day would have been hard I’m sure.

Ben has never bruised me before… only left red marks… and let me tell ya…. I’m all for it!


>The mind is a tricky thing…. funny because of what it allows you to remember. I seem to have things where I dont really remember first times very well. Its kind of odd… and I wish I could remember them… though, in some cases… this is a good thing.

Take the night I lost my virginity for instance. I was 15 and it was Valentine’s Day. My boyfriend at the time was much older than me and looking back now… it was so obviously a mistake, but you can’t tell a lovestruck teenager anything. They do as they please because they think they are in love.

Needless to say…. I was ready for my virginity to be taken. I remember walking down my dirt driveway hand in hand… staring up at the stars with a nervousness that I cannot describe. I knew something was going to happen…. and that scared and thrilled me in the same moment.

I remember stopping our stroll and him kissing me deeply. We made out for a bit then ended up going behind the house for a bit more privacy. We sat under a pine tree… his hands roaming. I know at some point they managed their way into my my pants to my willing pussy.

From there I know we went into the house, my mother was out for the night. We ended up on my bed. It was dark. I remember it hurt… and I remember laying there afterward… but not really what I felt or thought. And that is it… thats all I remember.

I chalk my loss of memory up to my loathing of this particular ex and all the horrible things he would later do to me. I spent many nights wishing I could erase him from my past, yet I am who I am now because of this moment in my life- just as any moments in my life. So, I live and learn from the path I choose…. mistakes and all.

On that same level, I don’t really remember my bondage experience. I remember Joe asking me if I was sure I wanted to do that and to make sure that I was only hooking up with him for just sex. I did just that… and always did. It would be him that would later betray that…. and develop feelings for me. They weren’t the typle of feelings that make you get together, but the ones that make you wonder what it would be like if you did.

Nothing about that night are in my mind… and I have no idea why that is. I wish I could remember. All of our escapades were always so fun and exciting.. and I don’t doubt one minute that it was as well. It hadn’t really occurred to me that I had forgotten this until I really started thinking about all the firsts I’ve ever had.

The most important first, was that of the one with my husband that I made sure to embed into my mind, so that I never loose that moment. It was so powerful and wonderful…. I would be devastated if I was to loose it.

Other firsts I don’t remember… first day of school…. the first whole day I moved to the town I live in now….. my first day at my current job… oh what a bad memory I have. I guess it doesn’t matter unless I forget the important things.