Tag Archive: Issac


so it’s been a while, huh?

SO I’ve been gone a while huh?  Things have been just crazy in my world.  I’m always so busy and on the go.  Sitting here and thinking about how long it’s been… it’s kind of shocking.  Months… my blog has been dark for months.

I figure I owe my blog an update.

The end of May I decided it was time a change personally.  I have been overweight my whole life.  I can’t ever remember being thin because honestly, I never was.  I always loved who I was but I knew that being heavy was going to lower my quality of life.  I think that turning 30 really changed me in so many ways.  It was like a light bulb went off.  I had tried to lose weight before  and was never able to stick with it.  My will power just wasn’t there.

I woke up one day and decided it was finally time.  I was there mentally and physically to make a change.  So I made a lifestyle change… and stepped up to the plate so to speak.  I had a lofty goal… 70 lbs.  I put my head and heart into it.. and off I went.

 

The first two months I had a bad day every week.  I stuck to my calorie intake but emotionally I would be drained.   I missed eating like everyone in my family… it was so hard.  As time passed… it got easier.  I found that I was starting not to have bad days at all.  In fact I haven’t had a bad day since Father’s Day.  I was probably three months in before I finally felt like it wasn’t a diet but a lifestyle change.  I can’t imagine going back to my old habits. It’s just disgusting to me.

Somewhere along the path I realized I wouldn’t be happy losing 70 lbs and changed my goal weight.  It upped my weight loss to 80 lbs.  I hit my half way point last Sunday.  I am currently down 40 lbs… and couldn’t be happier about it.  It’s weird going shopping for clothes now because I don’t really know where to look.  I will tell you though, with each smaller size… it feels amazing.

Along side my weight loss I have become quite active.  I work out five days a week.  I plan on doing a 10k in the Spring… and hopefully a full marathon by next Fall.  It’s a huge goal but honestly… I am so driven… I know I can do it.  I keep pushing myself further and further and amaze myself with what I am capable of. I feel amazing… I can’t really put it into words how it makes me feel.  I could go on and on about it.  I won’t though.  I will just say, I’m so proud of myself… because I did this.. all of it.  Even if I had support… I made this change all on my own.

And as if that isn’t enough… there is more change in my world.  I have received a promotion at work.  I am now the manager of the bakery I work in.  It’s been a whirlwind and I’ve worked so hard to earn it.  There has been lots of stress along the way but I feel like I’m finally settling into the position.  It’s weird being in charge that much is sure.  I kind of like it.  This doesn’t really surprise me though.  I think that being submissive is only something I like in my relationship.

I tell you, this year has been amazing.  So much in my world is right at the moment.  Of course, the thing that’s fallen to the side is our dynamic.  We both miss it so but have so much on our plate.  Ben has been super busy at work as well.  They had some changes at work and he had to pick up the slack.  He had weeks of sixty hour weeks.  It really drained him.  We just focused on being together when we were and loving each other.  That was what was important.

We are on the other side of this now and have intentions of trying to get back to where we were.  I truly hope we can.  It’s a good place for us to be… and we both know it.  It seems like we have been struggling for so long now with this.  I have to believe we can get back to where we were.  Time will tell.

On the Issac front, he and I have parted ways.  He just doesn’t have the time to devote to our relationship right now.  We hope that at some point this will change and we can reconnect.  It’s sad… and that’s all I want to say about it.
So there you have it… this is my world in a nutshell.  I’m going beautiful places.  I never though turning 30 would be so wonderful.  I feel so alive.  Being away hasn’t been so bad.

 

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that Christmas themed post

I’ve been feeling the pressure of the holidays and all the stuff that’s been going on with Ben.  It’s been weighing on me… and it was only a matter of time before I had a melt down.  We put up our tree about two weeks ago.  I had worked earlier that day and left in a really good mood.  I wasn’t grumpy in the least bit, which was quite surprising since I’m tired almost all the time right now.

I was making dinner and it was all ready six o’clock… and I was starting to feel the pressure to be able to get the tree up before the kids’ 8:30 pm bedtime.  I asked Ben to put up the tree so that we could jump right into decorating after dinner.  He didn’t feel like it… and so he didn’t.  Admittedly, it annoyed me.  Putting up the tree is always a source of stress for me.  I dunno why… I think it’s the perfectionist in me.    But every year it happens.. I get stressed and then cranky.  I was hoping that he would help ease some of that… this didn’t happen.  In his defense, I am not sure he realized (remembered?) that the tree decorating makes me feel that way.

In any case, after dinner… he and I set the tree up.  It was like night and day.  I went from relaxed… to super grumpy.  I knew I was being grumpy.. I just couldn’t stop myself.  I was utterly annoyed.  Once we got the tree standing I sat.. to wait for him to get the lights on… he didn’t.  I lost it.  It was ridiculous how I acted.. and I am not proud.. but yeah… there was my melt down.  I got really mad that he didn’t do the lights.  He said he didn’t know what I wanted him to do next… in which I replied in the tune of something snarky.  Sarcasm poured from my lips about how he’d never decorated a tree before.  This is where he stopped me.. and took me to our room before I really got of hand.

I argued with him.. lost in my anger… forgetting my place.  He finally had enough of my crap and left me in our room.  I didn’t bother to follow… I was pissed.  As soon as he left.. I felt terrible.  I knew what an ass I was being.  I felt terrible that I had treated him that way.. that I was ruining putting up the tree.  How could I not control myself?  It didn’t matter that I was under stress… I should still remember that he deserves my respect.  I laid down on the bed and cried.

He left me in our room for a bit before he came back in.  Ben came in and hugged me from behind.  I told him I was sorry… and I think he knew I really meant it.  I am sure he know why I was behaving that way too… which is probably why he was more understanding than he should have been.  I had hit my limit.  I knew I had.  Being the rock and working so much had finally taken it’s toll.  It was no surprise I cracked.

I pulled myself together and went to finish the tree with the kids.  I never found my good mood again… but I managed to get through the decorating.  I am sad that it went the way it did.  I wish so much that it hadn’t been how I melted down.  There is nothing I can do about it now but try to do things different next time.  I need to learn how to deal with my stress in other ways… and to go to Ben about it instead of taking it out on him.  In the end, I am only human and can only try to be the best version of myself.  He loves me no matter my flaws.  I am thankful to have such a loving and understanding Owner.  I don’t know how he puts up with me sometimes.

And so.. this is my Christmas story this year.  I think that so much of the world portrays the holidays as this happy time.. but the truth is.. sometimes there are bumps in the road.  Yes, there are good times.. but there are times that aren’t always pretty.  It’s taken some time for me to find my Christmas spirit this year but it has shown up.  I am excited for tomorrow and seeing the kids open their presents.  I love the holidays, but I am most certainly glad they are wrapping up.  I need some down time!

At any rate.. I am thankful to have my health… to have my family.. to have Issac.. to have a job- I am blessed.  Not everyone can say that this holiday season.  And so it’s with such happiness.. that I wish all of you a very happy holiday season, which ever one you celebrate.  I hope it’s the best one yet.. and filled with many good memories to cherish for the years to come.

Merry Christmas! XOXO

the end of something

Things have been pretty busy around our place this month.  It seems like the holidays are always like this.. never enough time to do anything.  It didn’t help that in this mix was thrown the death of Ben’s Mother.  So it seems like we have been scrambling to get everything done.   It’s been far too long since I’ve posted… I just honestly haven’t had the time.  I was excused from my posting till I could get a moment to do it in.

In this time.. some things have transpired for Ben.  He had been talking with this girl for some time.. and some strong feelings had grown between the two of them.  She had a few hang ups and it was causing the budding relationship not to move forward.  For me, I was anxious for him… wanting him so badly to have what I share with Issac.  I would occasionally ask if things were moving in the right direction but it always seemed it was stagnent.  She always wanted to get to know him better… there was always something going on with her.

To me… it seemed weird.  Why on Earth wouldn’t you want to make time for something good in your life… to have someone to lean on through the rough times.  Maybe I’m different, I don’t know.  What I do know is just tried to be supportive and understanding.  I was growing impatient for him though… and I think at times he was seriously growing tired of it as well.  He had invested a lot of time and effort into this girl.  They have known each other for over a year… and have been working towards a relationship since before I met Issac… so over three months.

So when we went to North Dakota and came home… things in our lives settled back into our normal routine.  We’d been home for a week when she told him that she had realized that she would never be his number one.  She didn’t know if that was what she wanted or needed out of her life.  She complained that she had never been anyone’s number one.  To me it seemed like an excuse…. but if it’s not.. that is fine.  I was very angry though… because to me… it felt like she had used him as an emotional crutch.  He was someone that filled her time… that would dote upon her.. give her attention and be there when she was down.  He filled the boyfriend role without actually getting the perks of being the boyfriend.  If it was true that she needed more than to be someone’s someone special… I am fairly certain she has always known that.  It makes me very upset that she led him on.  All this time, wasted.  He deserves better.

We didn’t talk about it much.. we were both at work when he showed me this.  I was pissed.  I fumed all day.. and into the evening as I was getting ready for playtime.  He wanted to go on like nothing had happened.. and in my eyes.. I didn’t see how that was possible.  How could he not be angry?  How could he go on… business as usual?  My mind was spinning… and I was trying to make sense of it… to reach out to him.. to protect him.  I kept thinking to myself she was lucky I am not a crazy person… because wanted to tell her just what I thought of her.  I didn’t- but I wanted to.

When he got home… the night spiraled out of control.  Somehow we started talking about what had happened.  He had decided he was going to still talk to her and be her friend, which I thought and still do think is a terrible idea.  How can wounds heal that way?  I don’t think they can.. but that is just my thoughts.  There were tears on both our parts.  I was still so angry for him.  I felt this intense wave over me that just screamed that I needed to protect him.  It was kind of surreal.  Who knew I’d have that sort of reaction? I certainly think its a good one.  He seemed to think so too… just by the look on his face as I poured my heart out about how I felt.

He told me he really liked her.. and I just wanted to make it all better for him.  He also said he missed his Mom.  Too much all at once… I could feel the weight on his shoulders… and I wanted to lighten the load.  I didn’t know how to.. but to hold him… be there for him.  I think it’s the only thing I can do.  Sometimes we just have to work these emotions out for ourselves.

The whole night there was a dark cloud over us.  It had ruined playtime for us.  It was another reason for me to be angry with her.  Yes, she has a right to bow out of this… she has a right for it not to be the thing for her, but she could have done it sooner… before he was so emotionally involved.   I know women… and I know how they think.. she knew.  She knew that this wasn’t going to work for her.  And it’s bullshit.   But you know, it is her loss.  She will not find a man very easily that will be as committed, patient, and caring as he was to her.  She never deserved him.

 

loss and the road trip

Where to start?  It has been one hell of a week.

Last Sunday I didn’t wake up thinking I would be on my way to North Dakota by that night.  I woke up thinking it was going to be just like any other day… that the next day I’d be going to see Issac.  The reality of that day would be very different than I had anticipated.

It was around 10 am when my phone rang.  It was Ben.. I thought he had just taken an early lunch.  I answered cheerfully… and was met by very distressing news.  Ben was crying.. and told me that his Mom had passed away.  My stomach flopped… how was this even possible.  He had just talked to her a few days before… on Thanksgiving and she was fine.  I mean, she had some medical issues but she was fine.

The phone call was short… he said he was coming home.  My mind swam… she was 1,200 miles away… what were we going to do?  I finished up what I needed to do and left work as well.  As it turns out we both pulled into the driveway at the same time.  I got out of the car immediately and went to him.  As soon as he got out of the car.. I hugged him.  I cannot describe how hard it is to see the person you love so completely devastated.  It tore me up to see him like that.

We got home at around 11 am.. and by 3 pm we were on our way to North Dakota.  The plan was to drive there.. clean up her place and settle any bills and such while were there… then head home.  We had a very short period of time to get it all done so we could get back and go back to work.  We left the kids with their grandparents to make this trip easier.   His Dad came along with us… we took his truck because it is a 4×4 which came in handy when it came to going over the passes and moving some of the stuff out of her place.

The trip over was terrible.  In fact, the whole trip was terrible.  His Dad drove us both nuts.  He’s a nice guy but has a lot of annoying character traits.  I was so ready to boot him out of the truck it was ridiculous.  I had earbuds in almost the whole time just so I wouldn’t have to listen to his voice or his poor choice of music.  When it came time to let him drive.. well lets say, I was scared for my life.  Imagine a little kid sitting in a car pretending to drive.  Well that’s his Dad.  He jerks the steering wheel back and forth which causes him to weave all over the place.  It is amazing to me that he hasn’t killed anyone.. or himself.. or had a wreck of any kind.  It was terribly scary… and we had him drive as little as possible.

We got to North Dakota around 10 pm on Monday.  It was a very long drive and we were really tired.  We met up with the neighbor who had found Ben’s Mom.  She let us into the apartment…. and when inside I realized what kind of task we had in front of us.  She was very much a pack rat… that collected all sorts of things.  Don’t get me wrong, she was a very clean person.. but the amount of stuff was overwhelming.

We hadn’t been there fifteen minutes when the first family member showed up.  Ben’s uncle and his crazy girlfriend.  They would end up following us to have dinner and invite themselves to sit with us.  It was all a bit much to take in for the driving ordeal we had just had.  The other brother and girlfriend would show up the next day.  Both thoroughly pissed Ben off very early on.

Over the next couple days there was all sorts of stuff going on… lots of emotions… lots of stress.  There is something interesting about becoming the rock for your Owner.  That is what he needed… and it was very taxing on me.  I had a few moments where I felt totally overwhelmed.  There was some tears on my part from all of this… that came and passed quickly.  I didn’t have time to wallow in my own shit.  I had to be the strong one.. and I had to be the driving force behind getting stuff done.  I’ve been through some really hard stuff… but this certainly topped the charts.  It was a hard situation all around.

All of this was done and over with by Thursday morning.. we pulled out of town by noon.  I cannot tell you how relieved I was to be back on the road… back on my way to home.  I missed my home.. missed my children.. missed my cats… missed Issac… I missed my phone having proper service.  I so wanted our lives to go back to normal.  I knew how tiring and terrible the trip home would be… but it was worth it to go home.  I was tired of all the crappy food… the hard beds… just yeah.. everything sucked.

The strain of the trip and how busy we were took it’s toll on all of us.  I could feel the space between Ben and I.. even though he was close enough to touch.  It was distressing to say the least.. but I knew as soon as we were home… we would reconnect and all would be well again.  And so, I didn’t dwell on this… just held onto the prize at the end of the journey.

We finally pulled into town last night at around 7 pm.  I was excited to see our cats… the kids were at their Dad’s.  We walked in… and we only saw two.  We searched the house over… only not to find the third one.  We searched outside for a hour… after tears had fallen and the worst was feared.  We didn’t find her.. and we were heartbroken.  After the week we’d had… hadn’t we endured enough? This was so not fair.  I’d take another week away if it meant she was home.

Then Ben went into our room and saw a flash of gray.  We had no idea where she was hiding… but there she was.  We were so relieved.  But we were spent.  It was all too much.  We had worked too hard… dealt with too much… and now it was time to finally just be.  It is amazing the amount of stuff a person can handle.  We are such resilient creatures.  I just hope we never have another experience like this.  Ever.

So today… I am still exhausted.  I could sleep another ten hours easily.  I am just simply worn out… but Ben and I have found one another again just as I thought.  I love him so… and I would do it all over again.. because that’s what you do for the people you love.  Sometimes you have to be someone’s rock and let the storm rage against you in order to protect them.  It just goes to show you how versatile our roles have to be.  He can’t always be the one that takes the lead… sometimes he needs me to.  It doesn’t make him any less in charge…. it just makes us a couple that loves one another… that doesn’t fit anyone’s mold but ours.

There is so much that happened… it would take me forever to share.  These were the major bits.  The rest will fade into the past… and stay there.  All we can do now is move forward.  Me? I am just happy to be home.

how do YOU masturbate?

Hello again boys and girls!  (heh) In today’s blog post we are going to talk about masturbation… say it with me… mas-tur-bation.  Very good!  The act of masturbation is not only fun but is good for you as well!  Everyone should do it!  Just sayin’.

I know that I personally do not get enough alone time for it.  If I’m lucky I will get to have a solo act once a week.  With kids and work… there is little time left for any Sierra alone time.  So when I do manage to get some, I don’t let it go to waste.  Before the recent rule changes, I’d have to ask for permission.  Sometimes I weighed the pros and cons… and if it was truly worth asking.  Getting a no would really suck.  Fortunately, 99% of the time Ben would say yes.

Since the change, I have to say that I have seen a difference in myself.  The very next day after we talked about it… I was insatiable.  It was something that I hadn’t felt in a very long time.. and it was a welcome change.  It was strange being able to touch my pussy without asking.. but nice at the same time.  I took full advantage.

So this lends itself to masturbation content.  For me personally my fantasies are filled with one of three people.  Ben, Issac, or the random faceless person(s).  My best friend and I have talked about this before and she thinks it’s weird that Ben is part of what I fantasize about.  She never uses her boyfriend in hers… she says she gets that.. why would she dream of that?  I say.. I love having sex so much with Ben.. that why on Earth would I not put him in my fantasies?

Ben is of the same thought… that I am not part of what he jerks off to.  It bothers me… and I try not to think about it.  Everyone is different and I try to understand and accept that.  I can handle it as long as it’s not shoved in my face.  I think the biggest reason why it bothers me is because it makes me feel like I’m not interesting enough or sexy enough to have a staring role in his fantasies.  This, of course, is silly because he chooses to be with me.. and have sex with me.  It’s one of the few insecurities I have.

In any event.. it doesn’t come up very often.  It’s a good thing… because if it came up all the time… I think I’d be a mess.  But it makes me wonder what others are like?  Are you more like me? Or more like Ben?  I inquired with Issac over the weekend to hear his answer.  His wife makes an appearance sometimes.  So he’s more like me.  🙂

So… I’m taking a poll… and the question is for partnered people be it that you’re married, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or engaged.  OR anywhere in between.   Thanks in advance for your responses!

rule revisions 2

So Ben and I have been at this well over a year now.  Over this time we’ve started with a set of rules and added a few along the way.  It’s been an interesting  journey with lots of good times and an occasional bump in the road.  Since we came home from our vacation in July things haven’t really gotten back on course.  It seems like there has been one thing after another.  I was sick for one… for far too long.  Then I had some stuff going on at work that were pretty upsetting… followed by some relationship changes… then my daughters birthday.  To say we’ve been busy… well that is an understatement.  So what falls to the side?  The D/s of course.

It was still there, obviously.  I still had things I had to do everyday like wear my Njoy plug, meeting him at the back door, doing the bank book, and so on.  But, there was this distinct feeling of not being completely owned.  After so long of building that feeling.. I had got to a point that I didn’t need an outward show of his ownership… I just felt it.  Somehow that went away.  It left me feeling a little off… but not enough to really notice at first.  It took months of building to slap me in the face and feel really down about it.  I felt disjointed.

It finally came to a head last night.  It took some courage but finally I shared with Ben what was going on in my head… but he already knew something was up.  It always amazes me that he can tell something is wrong so quickly.  He really does know me inside and out.  It started out as the lack of feeling owned and then some other things surfaced… that I didn’t know had affected me so deeply.

I used to be a very horny and insatiable girl.  It was a source of issue with Ben and I back in the day.  My sex drive was always too much for him… and it caused so many issues and hurt feelings on both sides.  I never understood why he didn’t want more sex and he felt guilty for not wanting it more and put off because I was so pawy.  It made him feel like a piece of meat… which was never my intention.  Somewhere over the course of our D/s relationship, my sex drive adjusted to his… and then slowly became next to nothing.  I’d enjoy having sex with him… but I’d get to where I didn’t long for it between.  It was so different than I’d always been.  A part of me was sad to lose that part of me… a large part of me.  I missed being who I was…. like I’d become a muted version of who I was.

I explained this to Ben…. which of course, he felt terrible about.  He loves me for who I am.. and realized that somewhere along the way he had made a mistake in the rules he had given me.  Yes, he admitted that I had been too much for him… and maybe in a way.. his orgasm rule was his way of reigning me in.  It had never been meant to change me… but it had.  He didn’t see how it would affect me and my libido and realized in doing this.. he loved how I was.  He loved how he made me that worked up.. and longing.  He said for a while now he was thinking about the orgasm rule and how it may not be the best one for us.  He also thought that maybe the rules in general were getting in the way.  Ben had saw a rule when he was coming up with mine in the beginning that was just simple… honor and serve.  It’s all encompassing.

Ben and I know each other well… we know what works for us… and I know what I need to do in order to make sure he is seen to.  He doesn’t think I need rules that tell me how to behave… because I know how to.  It was all very.. different.  He wanted to know how that all made me feel… and to be honest it made me a bit anxious.  It’s been over a year that I’ve had the orgasm rule and to think I’d be touching myself without permission.. yeah it was weird.

We talked about that too… and I suggested to solve that uneasiness that we continue having me ask to cum when we are together.  I like having to ask to cum.. I really do.  The good part of not having to ask when we are apart is that I can foster my lost libido.  I can get off without having to worry about hearing no when I ask.  I don’t know if it will fix the low libido issue.. but we will never know till we try.

And so, today is a new day.  It’ll take some time to get used to taking liberties with my body again, but I am sure I will get used to it.  I am so glad that I can go to him about anything.. from easy to very difficult.  It’s comforting and wonderful that I have such an amazing husband and Owner.  I couldn’t ask for anything more.  Hopefully these changes will serve to put us back on track D/s wise and if not, we will keep trying to find the right combination of what works.

meeting Issac

When Ben and I started the journey into our open marriage… I had no idea what would await me.  There really was no way of telling what was out there.. what there was to experience.  I did know that I wanted to experience everything that life has to offer… and I wanted to do that with Ben next to me.  Admittedly.. our first experience with being open wasn’t the best it could be.  It ended rather horribly.. so much so we retracted into each other because it was what we needed to do at the time to make things better.

It would take many months for us to try again.  Our original attempt was far fetched in retrospect.  It’s hard enough to make a solid connection with one person, much less two.  I knew that us finding a girlfriend together was futile, and honestly not something I really wanted anymore.  My desires had changed.  I think Ashley made me realize that I like to play with women.. but most certainly don’t like dating them.  It’s just not for me.  And so for that I am thankful I learned that.

So when we decided to take a stab at this again, in a different way… we knew it would be separately.  In the beginning of this go round.. I put up an ad on a major BDSM dating site.  I knew that being with someone vanilla wasn’t an option for me.  Vanilla sex just doesn’t do it for me.. I need that extra edge… and I need someone that’s comfortable with not being the norm.  This was something I had to have.

My criteria was simple.  Someone that was respectful of my marriage, that makes me laugh, that could interact with me every day, could see me once a week, and wasn’t looking for a D/s relationship.  Well maybe that’s not so simple?  I don’t know.  My first two days I was bombarded with so many messages from people ranging from 21 to 61.  A good deal of them either didn’t read my ad or were just too dumb to talk to.  Though there were a few decent ones sprinkled in there.  I would eventually change my ad to put in an age range because lets get realistic here people, I’m 29 and have no interest in a 61 year old man.  Sorry.

I went out on two dates as a result and where as I had fun, I knew there wasn’t anything there to pursue.   And then.. out of the blue, I get this incredible message from this man.  He had such a way with words.. and I was instantly struck by it.  I was speechless to be honest, and that doesn’t happen often.  Next to never.  The only problem was… he was out of my age range by two years.  Suddenly, that didn’t matter at all to me.  I had to know this person.. I could just feel it.  I responded immediately.

We would share messages back and forth for several days… and I was taken by him and his words immediately.  We exchanged phone numbers to text one another less than a week later.  We actually talked on the phone less than a week after the initial contact.  We had this instant connection that was just.. yeah… it was intense… and awesome.  Lots of adjectives.  Time flew with him on the phone.  (Did I mention he is English and has the most wonderful accent? Yes… I love it.).

It wasn’t long before we made plans to meet.  I was pretty attached already… we talked everyday (in fact we’ve talked every day since we met).  For the first time, I was nervous about meeting him.  I didn’t want it to change and the reality is that sometimes its not the same in person.  I had something to lose here.  He knew how nervous I was… as we talk about most everything and don’t hold back.  It’s refreshing.

So the day came we’d meet.. and since we live 2 1/2 hours apart we agreed to meet in the middle.  I got there before him.. and had time to start panic.  I was so scared.  As soon as I saw him though.. and he hugged me.. it was all gone.  There he was.. right in front of me.. and it was exactly the same as it was.  I was so relieved.  We spent nine hours together the first day before we had to go home because we both worked the next day.  It was so hard to leave… for both of us.  I didn’t have a question in my mind that I wanted him in my life.

And so that was the beginning of what has become something special and wonderful with Issac.  He’s become so much a part of my life it’s crazy.  I didn’t know I could be so lucky to find two men that make me feel so intensely… that treat me wonderfully… that.. yeah.  I don’t have words for what I have.  I know it wont always be easy… it won’t always be perfect… but damn.  I am so very happy.  Happy, that’s an understatement.  I am one lucky woman.  Hell yes I am.

It makes me feel a bit selfish at times… that there are people in this world that are single and looking for someone to love them.. and here I have two.  I didn’t know it was possible to love two people so intensely.  No idea at all.  Like I said, I had no idea what I was going to get when we started.  I am so pleasantly surprised.  Sometimes I want to pinch myself because there is no way this isn’t a dream.  I am constantly surprised at what we as people are capable of feeling and doing.  It’s amazing.

randomness

So another week has passed.. and always.. I am shocked it’s time to post something else.  It seems like only four days has passed when it’s always been seven.  I find myself suffering with writers block.. simply cause the things that are going on in our world… I don’t think are blog worthy.  They aren’t related to our dynamic.. at least not directly.  I guess one could argue that if it has anything to do with us, then it’s about our dynamic.

So I guess I can talk about the shaft I got at my job a couple weeks ago… I can talk about the stress it caused and the tears I shed.  At the time I felt like I got a raw deal.  It was retaliation, no doubt… but what I didn’t realize then was it was a blessing in disguise.  Being transferred to a new shop was the best thing that’s actually happened to me at work in a long time.  I didn’t realize how stressed that place was making me.  I didn’t realize how unhappy I was to be there. Suddenly after three days at the new shop, I felt this weight lifted off me.  I was free of it.  It’s true… things really do happen for a reason.  And all along.. Ben was beside me.. seeing me through.. keeping me strong.

I could talk about the changes our house has seen in the last couple months.  I could talk about how Ben and I finally made the step to fully opening our relationship.  Yes.. it’s unorthodox in a Owner/slave relationship.. but it works for us.  Nothing has changed on that front… at all.  He will always own me.  That isn’t likely to change… it’s just how we interact with one another.

Ben has been talking with someone that is special to him.. and I have to say I’m really excited for him.  Things are moving slowly but he’s much more patient than I am.  I hope it works out.. he deserves all the happiness the world has to offer.  It’s funny how opening up things have brought us closer.  All of this has proven to me more than ever that he is my best friend.  It is so bizarre to sit and be able to share things about other people in our lives.  There isn’t any weirdness… and it amazes me that when you open your mind to new things.. you can accomplish anything.  It’s refreshing.

I have met someone as well… his name is Issac.  I don’t know how to describe him that doesn’t sound like gushing.  Simply put… he’s amazing.  He will be around for some time… I don’t know how much face time he will be having on this blog.  He’s around nevertheless.. whether it affects what goes on  here.. I don’t know.  He makes me happy.. that’s all that is important there.  Sometimes I think I’m super lucky… I have such a blessed life.  How did this become my life?

So yeah, I could talk about about all those things.  Both are big events… but none of them feel right to talk about it.  They’re out there now, though.  I don’t think it cured my writers block… but it serves as my weekly post.  🙂 And that my friends is… two birds with one stone!