masturbation poll update

As of right now.. my masturbation poll got sixteen votes.. which in the span of several days has had almost two hundred hits… so not so great.  BUT out of the votes I did get I figured I’d do a little post to talk about the response.

I got one “other” vote, which I have no idea what that means.  My only thought is that other could mean… the person doesn’t masturbate at all?  That’s the only thing that makes sense to me.  If you’re the one that voted that way… please, I’d love to hear what it meant.

The bulk of the votes fell into the sometimes category (62.6%).  I would fall into that category.  I figured that most people would also vote this way.  It was cool to see my suspicions confirmed.  I would think generally that a great deal of people fantasize about their partner at least some of the time which is why it always seemed so odd to me about Ben.  I guess we are who we are, right?

The other two categories left are never and always… both extremes.  I got two votes for never.. and asked Ben if he had voted… he said no.  I knew there would be some votes for that since I myself, know two people in my little world that feel that way.  I don’t think I’ll ever understand it.  I guess we can’t control what turns us on when we get off… we are wired the way we are… and there isn’t much to be done about that.

The other extreme, always.. used to be me.  Up until about eight months ago I always had been in my fantasies.  It all came down to how much I loved (and still do) having sex with him.  He is the best sexual partner I’ve ever had.. and that still stand to this day.  I’m sure a lot of it has to do with the emotion and connection we share.

So to all of you who voted, thanks a lot.  It was fun to see what responses came in and have my own theories backed up.  So with that.. I wish you happy masturbating! 🙂

how do YOU masturbate?

Hello again boys and girls!  (heh) In today’s blog post we are going to talk about masturbation… say it with me… mas-tur-bation.  Very good!  The act of masturbation is not only fun but is good for you as well!  Everyone should do it!  Just sayin’.

I know that I personally do not get enough alone time for it.  If I’m lucky I will get to have a solo act once a week.  With kids and work… there is little time left for any Sierra alone time.  So when I do manage to get some, I don’t let it go to waste.  Before the recent rule changes, I’d have to ask for permission.  Sometimes I weighed the pros and cons… and if it was truly worth asking.  Getting a no would really suck.  Fortunately, 99% of the time Ben would say yes.

Since the change, I have to say that I have seen a difference in myself.  The very next day after we talked about it… I was insatiable.  It was something that I hadn’t felt in a very long time.. and it was a welcome change.  It was strange being able to touch my pussy without asking.. but nice at the same time.  I took full advantage.

So this lends itself to masturbation content.  For me personally my fantasies are filled with one of three people.  Ben, Issac, or the random faceless person(s).  My best friend and I have talked about this before and she thinks it’s weird that Ben is part of what I fantasize about.  She never uses her boyfriend in hers… she says she gets that.. why would she dream of that?  I say.. I love having sex so much with Ben.. that why on Earth would I not put him in my fantasies?

Ben is of the same thought… that I am not part of what he jerks off to.  It bothers me… and I try not to think about it.  Everyone is different and I try to understand and accept that.  I can handle it as long as it’s not shoved in my face.  I think the biggest reason why it bothers me is because it makes me feel like I’m not interesting enough or sexy enough to have a staring role in his fantasies.  This, of course, is silly because he chooses to be with me.. and have sex with me.  It’s one of the few insecurities I have.

In any event.. it doesn’t come up very often.  It’s a good thing… because if it came up all the time… I think I’d be a mess.  But it makes me wonder what others are like?  Are you more like me? Or more like Ben?  I inquired with Issac over the weekend to hear his answer.  His wife makes an appearance sometimes.  So he’s more like me.  🙂

So… I’m taking a poll… and the question is for partnered people be it that you’re married, have a boyfriend or girlfriend, or engaged.  OR anywhere in between.   Thanks in advance for your responses!

where did THAT come from?

I follow many blogs.. as well as many photo blogs on tumbler.  I find a great deal of many hot pictures that I forward Ben’s way.  He brags to the guys at work about how his wife sends him porn… every day.   I love finding things that speak to me… and that I know will speak to him.  One day a couple weeks ago I was going through said blogs… and stumbled across a picture that for the life of me, I cannot find again.  So I’ll try my best to describe the picture I found.

In the image there was a guy in a suit smoking a cigarette… which his woman kneeling at his side… arms extended holding an ash tray.  I stopped and stared at this image for several minutes.  I could feel a familiar twinge in my groin… and I was shocked by this.  I am not a smoker… and I am not a fan of smoking.  When I met Ben, he smoked.. and quit for me.  All on his own.. simply because he knew how much I hated it.  He occasionally has cigar at poker parties we have or in Vegas.  He always brushes his teeth when he is done so I don’t have to deal with what is left on his breath.  It’s a nice give and take for both of us I think.

So why was this image calling to me?  I saved it and sent it to Ben telling him about how it had oddly turned me on… and that I wanted to do this.  It wasn’t about the smoking… it was about serving him in any and every way possible.  It was about the power of him smoking when he wants… in front of me…. and me waiting on him to catch the ashes he would discard.

When he wrote back he said it would indeed be hot but wouldn’t want the house to smell like that.  Some how we ran with the idea… about being in the garage… him smoking a cigar… me sucking his cock while he did so.  It made me tingle all over… even if I was still shocked by it.  It all played out in my head and a longing for it grew.  So much of me wants to serve him in so many ways… from mundane to unorthodox.   Trying new things… serving him in those ways, titillates me.

I think it speaks volumes about my submission to him.. and how deep it has gone.  Will this little fantasy ever come to bear fruit?   And if it did, would it be as hot as I imagine it?  I have no idea.  Either way.. it is fun to think about… and still makes me wet between my thighs.

30 Days of Kink-Day 15

Day 15: Post a BDSM/kink activity you’re curious about and would like to try.

Most of the things I’ve been interested in.. we’ve tried.  There are a few exceptions to that… but I’m only going to talk about one of those here.  I think it would be interesting/fun to try kitty or puppy play.  It would be cool to be down to an animal mentality of just following direction and just being.

Plus.. I think having a tail butt plug would be really awesome.  🙂

I don’t really have a reasoning behind why it think it’s intriguing… but I do.  Maybe there is something a little degrading about being put on that level.  Like being told to hump his leg like a little bitch… yeah.. that’s kind of hot.  Oh and the collar… one that would be just for this specific play.  Sort of one of those things that gets me into the mindset of what we are doing.

This isn’t really a concrete thing… more of an abstract idea in my mind.  It finds it’s way into my thoughts from time to time.  I’ve written Ben erotica based off this… going to a pet store and buying the collar.  Yeah.. I was slightly wet after I was done writing it.  Fantasies are good. 🙂

30 Days of Kink- Day 14

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

There’s stories… erotica… novels that share the life of BDSM… or Gor.  It talks about slave girls and boys… kept as sex toys.  They are trained to serve and used at any moment of the day.  They are punished severely when they don’t do as they are told… and this… this is hot.  This turns us on.

This fantasy holds a special place… it has it’s own purpose.  It can be created a brief period of time… but cannot be done every moment of each day.  People can’t be kept naked.. chained at home until they are pulled out to be used.  It would drive a person mad and will decrease the value of said slave or submissive.  A valuable one is multifaceted.

The fact of the matter that most slaves or submissives are workers… are family members… are parents.  They have more than role.. and so have to learn to juggle their devotion to their Dom and all the other things that are required of them.  I think without these things… the fantasy of being an owned sex slave only looses it’s luster.. because it becomes everyday life.

Being a slave  is certainly not always something that makes me wet.  It is a challenge at times…. trying at times.  Sometimes I just plain don’t want to be that… because it’s easier not to be.  It doesn’t change though… even when I want to be just a wife, I’m still his slave.  I look forward to the times he uses me… when we play, but the reality of our life is that a very small portion is like that.  Most of my day is spent working… then coming home to cook and clean… take care of the children, and somewhere in there find time for a little me time while I take care of Ben’s needs.  It’s a busy life. It sounds unrewarding, but the truth of it is… it’s very rewarding.  I love my life… my life as his slave.    It may not be a thing of erotica novels… but it’s something special to me.

30 Days of Kink-Day 6

Day 6: Describe your weirdest/most interesting sexual fantasy.

This is tough… because fantasies bare one’s soul.  I know I do a lot of that here but I always leave a little bit for myself.  I don’t share it all for various reasons.  There’s stuff I’ve fantasized about… and we’ve done I don’t share.  It’s a bit silly really, as being judged by strangers shouldn’t matter, but the fact of the matter is it’s a bit scary.  So because of that… I’ll throw out a few different fantasies of mine that I have… that doesn’t really mean they are interesting or weird.  Just are what they are.

Elevators.  I have a thing for elevators… Ive written about it before.  I always size them up… always wonder if it would work.  This fantasy will probably never come true as the risk is way too high I think.  I had someone offer it to me once but the elevator in question was way too quick.  There’s no way it would’ve worked.  Still, I think it’s really hot to have that rushed feeling of urgency to pull up my skirt… bend over and be taken.  Yum.

FFF threesome.  I came close to this years ago with an old girlfriend of mine.  It didn’t pan out.  It doesn’t mean I wouldn’t like to do it… to be sandwiched between to two soft women.  I can imagine their hands on me… fingers tracing over my skin… their lips against mine… our breasts touching.  Oh yes… good stuff.  It’s been a long time since I’ve been with a woman that can make me feel like that… and to have two of them… yeah… awesome.

Puppy or kitty play.  This is a recent addition.  I don’t really know what it is about it that drives that desire.  It could very well be all about exploring new things that does it… or the objectification of it, being his thing of pleasure.  I have this fantasy that involves being taken to a pet store to buy a collar and leash specifically for this and the slight humiliation of this.  Yeah.. it makes me tingly.  I don’t really have anything other  to expand on this… it just is.

That’s really the only things that come to mind right now.  So much of the things I imagined I’ve had the opportunity to try…. and most have been just as good or better than I expected.  I think I’m pretty lucky that way.  🙂

the shade of green

I wasn’t sure I was going to talk about this.  It wasn’t the first time it’s been on my mind… though I am not all 100% how I feel about it.  To say I have mixed feelings about it… would be completely accurate.  Am I upset… no, I don’t think I am.  Uneasy… maybe a little.

Last night Ben and I were playing.  Friday nights have become some what of a worship my Owner night.  I look forward to those nights… where I focus on him… pleasing him.  I get a great sense of satisfaction and pleasure from worshiping his cock… its a win win situation.  Anyways… so last night.. we’re going about our thing.  He always watches porn when we do this.  This in itself has never bothered me.  Before I met him I had fantasies of pleasuring a man while he watched porn… to be merely a instrument of his pleasure.  A means to an ends… where he doesn’t have to actually do anything but find the porn that does it for him.  Now I get to live that out on a regular basis.

There has been times when we’ve had this setup… and he has been on his phone texting off and on.  Sometimes… it doesn’t bother me.  I go about what I’m doing and focus on him.  It’s his right to do as he pleases… however he pleases.  If he wants to be chatting to someone else while I blow him… he can.  I’m here for him.  But then there’s those nights it doesn’t sit right with me.  It’s those nights that makes me wonder who he’s talking to… what they are talking about.. and I get a distinct feeling he’s sending pictures or videos to them.  It makes me uneasy to some random person is seeing such a private moment shared between us two.

I, of course, never ask… as I think I’m happier not knowing.  It doesn’t hurt me… and I trust him.  I know he’d never do anything that would hurt me and I am sure that anyone he did share with he would trust.  Still, a part of me has a little twinge of jealousy.  He’s sharing a moment I am not a part of with someone else… using his situation to cause arousal in someone else.  It differs from the porn… porn is one sided.  The porn doesn’t get something from the viewer like the person on the other side of those texts do.  Don’t get me wrong.. I’m not mad… I have no issue with him talking to other people.  We came to that agreement a long time ago.  That doesn’t change that I am a person with emotions and sometimes that emotion  is jealousy.  Luckily… that doesn’t come out very often.

I think sometimes that when this happens I tend to detach myself a little.  I still do my best to do my job so to speak but it’s hard not to pull back a little out of self preservation.  There’s that thought in the back of my head that says if he’s not interested in just what I’m doing then I can shut myself off to that.  It may not be the right thought process… but it happens.  I work hard to keep myself from doing it… to stay in the now and stay focused on the task of giving him pleasure the way he wants it.  Not how I want it.  I have this inner battle… one that delights in giving him what he wants how he wants it… and the other that wants him to wallow in me.  I want him to be absorbed in me… what I am doing without needing the outside stimuli.  The fact is, it’s not going to change.  I am no worse for the wear.  I will always give him what he wants if it is within my power.  I want nothing more than to make him happy however I can.

But still.. I have mixed emotions.  I don’t know if it is something I need to work on… or if it’s just something that is.  I don’t think it’s unhealthy for me… I am not hurt by it.  I’m not up at all hours worrying over it.  I just think about it.. analyze it.  I love figuring out things… the way I work… the reason people do what they do.  Sometimes I think that we just have to experience stuff… its the way we learn things.  And so.. I experience this.. and will continue to experience it if he so wishes.  I’m sure there will be times I’m enjoying it.. and sometimes that aren’t as delightful to me.  Either way… it’s out there now.  Some of the darker inner most workings of our minds are the hardest to share.  Putting myself out there is hard… I just tell myself that not all of life is sunshine and daises… but it doesn’t make it any less exhilarating. It is life.. and we are living it to the fullest.

sometimes…

Sometimes I wish…

That he’d grab me by the collar and shove me against the wall…. that he’d shove his hands into my pants… and take what is his.

Sometimes I wish…

That when he is sitting down on the other side of the couch that he’d come to me… hand to my throat… and stare deeply into my eyes… as that panic sets in.

Sometimes I wish…

That I’d wake up with him deep inside of me… thrusting deep… jolting me awake.

Sometimes I wish…

That he’d grab me by the hair and shove me to the ground… just in time to have his cock rammed down my throat.

Sometimes I wish…

That as I walk by him… my ass exposed below my tshirt.. that he’d grab me.. pull me over his lap and spank me till my ass was red and throbbing.

Sometimes I wish…

That as we get back in the car from shopping he’d order me to make him cum.. right there in the parking lot.

Sometimes I wish…

 

 

 

a different sort of desire

Recently… I’ve really started to think about expanding our friends in the lifestyle. I’ve read a few blogs that talked about two Doms getting together with their slaves.  They share friendship and play.  I think that would be wonderful… to have friends we grow close to that we can be intimate with.  I know how hard this would probably be to pull off… to find people we both click with that also have a dynamic similar to ours.  It feels like a pipe dream… but a good one.

Ben and I have few friends… they are good ones though. We are particular about who we let into our lives… maybe too particular.  We have made a handful of lifestyle friends over the years but have since stopped going to munches. I think this limits our chances to making new friends to Fetlife… which seems impossible to make happen.  I think if we went to more events… perhaps we could find this dream of mine.  The thing is.. we aren’t big on events… though I can’t pin down exactly why. So maybe this isn’t really about the issue of making friends.. but more about why I think making friends of this nature would be nice.

Let’s face it… it would be totally hot to have two Dom’s plotting the demise of mine and my fellow submissive’s fate.  I have this vision… kneeling on the ground… next to an almost naked girl. The two of us on our knees… arms behind our backs… waiting for what is to come.  Ben and the other Dom would talk just low enough that we’d not be able to make out what they’re saying on the other side of the room. We’d feel alone and together all at the same time… anxious for something to happen.  Our elbows would brush as we grow tired of waiting… and yet we’d stay put… at the command of the men that own us.  When they finally advanced to us… they’d push us… share us… . push us to the brink of exhaustion and keep taking till they were done.  It would be a wonderful bonding moment for the four of us.  We’d share a unique tie to one another.  She and I would snooze curled up with each other on a spot picked out for us until it was time for us to part.

We would share vanilla stuff…. movie nights at each other’s places… darts… dinners out. Our dynamic would be there… and they’d love to remind us of that at any given moment. We’d be talking and out of the blue commanded to spread our legs at the dinner table.  We’d be cuddled up watching a movie.. then ordered on our knees to satisfy the bulge in their pants.  It would be fun… and it would be fulfilling.

Pipe dream.. maybe… but a fun pipe dream. I could come up with countless scenarios… and I’m sure that two Dom’s could come up with even more.  It makes me squirm to think about… and smile at the same time.

 

if the roles were reversed

The other day I told Ben that I had thought about what it would be like to be the one in charge. To be able to tell him what to do.  I know I’d never be able to do it (beside the obvious.. he’d never go for it reason) because it wouldn’t feel right. But there is the little part of me that thinks it would be so awesome. I’d be able to do whatever I wanted… and give him rules and see if he can keep up with them.

My biggest want… to be in charge of when he can get off.  However, that would backfire I think… as he is not nearly as sexual as me.  In the same line of thought… it could go completely different. I mean, the whole.. want what you can’t have kind of thing. That… my friends… is what I’d be after.  I would torment him… I’d make him painfully aware that he couldn’t cum when he wanted.  I’d have so many ideas prepared for him…

Oh the joys of being in charge even if only for a week… would be fun… because it’d be short enough that the weight of in the top position wouldn’t be too heavy. AND I’m sure it wouldn’t give me too much time to let it go to my head. It’d be ideal…. in theory. It’s like vacation… its fun for a little while but man is it nice to go home… to sleep in your own bed.

Alas.. this is only a fantasy.. because as Ben so eloquently put it… that’s never going to happen. That certainly makes me happy to hear… mostly because some dreams shouldn’t be lived.  But hey, a girl can dream.