RESPECT… find out what it means to me

We went out to dinner with another couple over the weekend.  It was another Master and slave… and it was kind of nice to be out with other people that live the same way that we do.  I liked watching them interact… the way she’d relent to him when she got close to pushing her luck.  I liked how he’d threaten to put her over the table that lay between the four of us and spank her right there.  I confused that such things would make me blush.  I have to say I’m really glad that Ben wouldn’t do that.  He may tease me about it.. but I know (atleast 98% sure) that he would never toss me over the table and spank me.

The night flowed well.. we’d all four talk then we’d break off in separate conversations between the guys and girls.  Ben and I get really animated when we get excited about stuff… and so this night was no different.  I’m not sure what he was talking about… but I soon found myself having a hard time hearing her over him.  I touched him arm and told him I couldn’t hear her and motioned for him to talk a little softer.  He laughed and acknowledged that he does tend to get boisterous.  Our conversations picked back up from there.

At the time… our interaction… my interjection seemed okay.  After all, that’s how he and I relate to each other.  But then, I got to thinking about it…. was my saying something to him about how loud he was talking wrong?  Was it wrong for me to tell my Owner to not talk so loud?  How did my saying something come off?  Did that seem very unsubbly of me?  I would hate to think anyone thought I was being disrespectful to Ben.  That was never my intention, I merely wanted to be able to carry on my own conversation.  If I can’t hear her, then I’m not being  an active part…. and I don’t want to be rude.  But in the same thought process.. could I not have been more tactful? Told him in a more respectful way?

I’ve mulled this over the last couple days.  Trying to make sense of it.. as it has been kind of bothering me since it happened.  I wish I could go back and done it a bit different…. how? I don’t know… just different.  In my thoughts though, I came to realize that if I Ben had thought I was being rude, he would have said something.  Maybe he wouldn’t have right then and there, but certainly after if it really bothered him.  And so what if the other couple didn’t think I was being sub like… or him not masterly for not correcting me.  We do things the way that works for us.  We’ve never been high protocol type people…. always been relaxed and so that shows in how we relate to each other.  It doesn’t matter if they think that I was rude or whatever they may have thought.  What matters is that my Owner wasn’t upset or take note of my possible poor behavior.

So many times I don’t care about what others think… but there are still times that it still creeps in and effects how I see the world.  I would never want anyone to think poorly of Ben.  He is a wonderful husband and Dom.  I have to learn to let go of my worries about other’s opinions sometimes… and focus on the opinion that matters… his and mine.

I do find it interesting the things I take note of, though.  Before the D/s it would have been no big deal.. but now it is a question of me trying to control the situation.  Maybe I was trying to control… I don’t know.  I think I’m still transitioning in social settings.  I fall back on my behavior before we made the change to D/s.  I’m not saying that was wrong… its just a different way of looking at the way I talk to Ben… the way I treat him.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to treat him with more respect. In fact, I think if more people thought about being respectful of one another… the world would be a much nicer place to live in.  I like to think that being a part of a D/s relationship helps me grow in many ways… this is just one of them.

processing thoughts and feelings

So. My husband topped and had sex with another woman and I’m still processing this.

I had a good time… he had a good time… apparently she had a good time… and yet my mind is still trying to get a grasp on it. I don’t feel jealous… but I’m not excited either.

I don’t know what to make of it all… no, I don’t regret it. I would do it again. We will do it again… I just want to get my thoughts in my head straight.   Ben asked if I was okay, and I am.

So here’s what I have so far.

Being with a woman again after four years was interesting. It wasn’t quite what I remembered it like… or maybe it was. Maybe I don’t really remember what it was like.

She stayed the night with us and didn’t leave till later in the afternoon. Now I didn’t mind her being here… but there came a point where I just wanted to be with him.  I wanted to be able to talk to him… to process last night and this morning together.  When she left… we didn’t really even talk about it.  I think that kind of bothers me. I know we’ll talk about it at some point… but I feel kind of reluctant now… especially since I’m trying to pin down my feelings on it.

It’s strange sharing a bed with two other people. It was fun, but I don’t think it is something I would want to do every night.

I think this experience made me realize at this point I wouldn’t want to share our home with another woman. I am special in this house… call me selfish but I like it being that way. I’m not saying I won’t ever want that… just right now.. I think baby steps are good.

I’m looking forward to reconnecting as husband and wife again without someone else in the mix. Our relationship is special to me obviously… and I like the focus of that importance. If that makes sense.

Seeing Ben get off with someone else… kind of surreal. Maybe that’s the one thing I am hung up on. Who knows. I’m sure I’ll be able to sort it all out.   In the moment it was fun and was nice to see him having a good time. Now, it kind of makes me sad… but that could be the selfish part of me wanting to be the source of his pleasure.

We humans are complicated, crazy beings. You never know how you’ll feel about something until you actually experience it. Putting it out there… seeing it on the screen makes me feel purged in a way.  Like I am not holding my thoughts in my head.. letting them circle around like a demon haunting me. It happened.. I don’t regret it. No one is the problem… I don’t really think there is a problem. I just need to process.

Ben sammich

Last night we made our way to the swingers club again. Marilynn came with us once more…. Ben had a feeling she was hoping to see Robert again. Nevertheless… we figured it’d be good times no matter the outcome. I pretty much assumed that it would be Ben and I doing our own thing… which I am more than okay with. It’s nice to go out and just mix things up from time to time I think.

When we got to the club our first stop was the bar… we ordered up our drinks and made our way to a table. We drank.. and talked.. and people watched. It was nice to be out together as a group. We wondered how people made the progression from meeting at the club to actually being in a room fucking. We joked about how there must be a secret handshake that you only learn by watching others.

After downing my first drink… I was feeling pretty good. I danced in my chair to the music pumping through the club thoroughly enjoying myself. Ben sent me off to fetch him another drink.. and so I took it upon myself to get one as well. When I returned to the table I sat facing him.. his knee between my legs. I started drinking my other drink as his fingers wandered… finding my clit through the crotchless panties that are attached to my garter belt. He teased me… making my legs spread apart further… exposing the top of my thigh high fishnets.

After a bit… I readjusted.. standing to fix my skirt. I finished off my second drink. Marilynn proposed that we go check out what was going on upstairs or in the couples lounge. We thought that sounded like a plan and so we made our way there… the two of them trailing behind me. When we made it to the couples lounge… I parted the red curtain and stepped in. I was feeling quite a happy buzz that had settled in as I soaked in the vision in front of me. Off to the left was a woman straddling a man… his hands on her ass. To my right was a couple laying down… his spooned up behind her…. his fingers trailing up her side to her nipples. Sprinkled about was people clothed… talking… or making their way to their own state of undress.

There was an empty bed/lounge area… I plopped down onto it before remembering I needed to lay out a sheet. I stood back up and Ben helped me spread one out. When I laid back down I motioned for him to join me. Marilynn asked if she could join us… and so we had to figure out who would be in the middle. Knowing her sexual preference only swings towards the male gender… I let Ben be in middle.

As soon as we settled in.. I curled up to him… kissing him.. and letting my hands roam. Part of me didn’t want to make her uncomfortable… but she had asked to lay with us… so I let my horny buzz guide me. We made out for a bit before he asked if I’d be okay with his hands wandering on her… I was fine. And so after he had okayed it with her… his hands went promptly down her corset to her tits. I let my focus be on him… he was what mattered to me right then and there.

More touching more kissing… and he asked if I was okay with her hands wandering… I was.  I’m not totally sure what all was touched and so forth as I was preoccupied with my own exploration. It didn’t matter.. we were all having a good time, and that’s what mattered. Soon his hands were up under both our skirts… and his pants undone.

He tag teamed us with his hands like a pro… making us both moan in unison… it was quite the experience. We switched up between him pleasuring us… and then pleasuring him. It wasn’t long before his cock was in my mouth.. all out for display for anyone that walked in. Never did I think my husband was an exhibitionist… apparently he is.

Things were heating up in there… and I know that he doesn’t handle heat well… and so I suggested that we go find a cooler, private room.  Ben zipped up.. and we readjusted our skirts… then headed to a room. I laid out another sheet with Ben’s help. I lost my heels as did she.. then my garter and stockings. Ben’s lost his clothes… and ordered me to my knees. Marilynn was on a chair next to him when he reached down and started rubbing her clit and sliding his fingers deep in her cunt.

There were moans from another room…. and smacks… a tell tale sign someone was being spanked. How delicious. We stayed like this a bit before he told us to switch up. And so I found myself on the chair.. legs spread wide… feeling my wetness gush from my own pussy onto the chair.

We switched up some more… onto the bed… him taking turns eating both our pussies. Kissing him with a foreign pussy on his lips was definitely a different experience. Not a bad one mind you… just very different. Even tasting her lips on his cock was different. More changing.. different positions and so forth.. keeping it fresh…. and certainly lots of moaning was had.

He decided he wanted to spank us both. And so one of us would suck his cock as he spanked the other.. making sure neither of us was left out. When it was my turn to be spanked.. he was on his back and told me to lay on my stomach. My head was facing away when he told me to look at him. I turned to him…

“Someone else is sucking my cock while I spank you”, the words dripping from his mouth… so full of lust.  It was weird to me that didn’t shake me… it was very hot.

This all went on for a while… taking turns sharing Ben until she was exhausted and it was too warm to go on. We decided it was time to get cleaned up and find some food. We joked about how we didn’t know what time it was… since no cell phones are allowed. And so we cleaned up and put ourselves back together. I decided not to put on my stockings or garter again… instead I carried them around.  We left the room… sexually charged and in good spirits.

Looking back it was such a fun night. I was still pretty horny when we got home at three am. I think the thing that stood out to me most was how much of my own pleasure was derived from his pleasure. I have never experienced this before. Any threesome I have ever took part in.. was for my own benefit. It was always about me being pleasured in the process of the act. This time I did indeed get to cum and so forth but my true enjoyment came from looking at his face while her lips were wrapped around his cock. I hadn’t anticipated ever feeling this way. I always was a bit uneasy about that possibility. I still get a tingle between my legs talking about this… about some other woman sucking my husbands cock.

Emotions wise.. I felt pretty good… I had no twinge of jealousy. The only thing that did go on in my head was wondering if she was better than me. I am not niave enough to think that I am the best at everything… I just want to be the best he’s ever had.  I don’t want us to come across anyone that surpasses my abilities… selfish? Maybe. I mean, shouldn’t I want him to be satisfied completely? I do want that… but I want that to come from me.

He asked me repeatedly if I was okay with everything.  I was just fine… happy that he got to experience something different. I like knowing he is sated. This is what that whole thing was about for me. It was about him.. and his needs being taken care of.  The whole thing kind of makes me feel very submissive… putting his desires ahead of my own. I think it’s very cool that my own were gratified on the way to that.  And so I leave this experience feeling very good… with no regrets. It was fun to say the least.. even if I didn’t get to play with a girly. (Oh and btw… there was no previous plans for us to all play together… it just sort of.. happened. Go figure 🙂 )

Stepping out of the box- part 4

After leaving the room.. we tossed our sheet into the dirty laundry and headed down stairs. Ben and I checked out the dance floor to see if Marilynn was down there… she wasn’t. Since we wasn’t, we decided we were hungry.

We found the buffet area  and saw that they’d changed over to breakfast. We sat down at the table and he sent me to get him a plate of food. I went and gathered two plates for us to share and we sat to eat. We were surprised at how good the food really was. Usually buffet style food isn’t all that good… so that was nice.

After we were done eating.. we just sat, talked, and continued people watching. It wasn’t long after we were done that Marilynn and Robert walked by draped in sheets and towels.. heading to the shower.  We stayed at our table till she finished up.

She grabbed a slice of cake and sat down with us. Robert came up soon and chatted us all up. He asked if we had a good time… and of course we did.  He hung around a bit then decided to head off to socialize some more.  We decided we were all tired… and that it was time to head home. We walked out of the club with a bounce in our step after a great night out… even if us girls’ feet hurt.

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I would say that our night out was really fun. It would have been nice to dip our toe in the swinger ways… but I kind of think that we have a don’t approach us look about us. That’s something we’ll have to figure out. We will definitely be going back. I think this was the best way to ease us in… to be comfortable. I’m really glad that Marilynn had a good time… and got her groove on hehe.

Highlights from my night:

There was this chick with a g string on… she had a great ass… oh my lord did she! I wanted to touch it lol.

There was also this guy walking around with just boots on… it was kind of amusing. I’m not sure I could walk around like that.. I’m confident.. but not that confident.

Ben sent me to get water and food for him… I love that! I love doing as he asks… it makes me feel very kept.  Its hard to describe the feeling of serving him like that.. but its a good one.

The kissing when Ben grabbed my collar… hot hot hot… I’ll remember that for a long, long time. It makes me all lusty for him… makes me feel so much at his whim… makes me feel so owned.

And obviously.. the sex is the biggest highlight of my night. Ben is the best lover I have ever had… hands down. No one has ever came close to how amazing the sex with him is. I am a lucky girl.

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So that’s my night in a nutshell. It was nice to try something new… and add it to my list of things I’ve done. It was an experience for sure… and I look forward to having more nights there. There is a twisted night where they transform the place into a dungeon. We want to go to that one really bad…. that just means I’ll have to buy some fetish wear… and apparently some new fishnets!

Stepping out of the box- part 3

We headed back towards the food area… I ducked into the couples lounge to see if we could find a more comfy spot there. It was pretty packed.. all the beds were taken so instead we found an empty spot and started making out again.  Between the intoxication of alcohol (and no I wasn’t drunk) and lust… I was pretty entranced by Ben. We didn’t stay long in there and decided to find some where more our speed.

We made our way upstairs… we kissed some more…. only aware of each other at this point. We’d break for a few minutes to look around….. at the orgy bar there was a guy with a violet wand. I so wanted to try it out but it was wayyy too crowded to get to it.  We went back to focusing on each other… hands roaming still. It wasn’t long till we found an open room… and made it ours.

Ben went about shutting the door and curtain once we got in. He’s not much on being watched. Once he was done we found each other immediately.. our bodies pressed against each other… the sound of the club still thumping in the background. You could still hear the voices of the people standing just outside the room… to say it was a different experience… puts it lightly.

I started to unbutton his shirt, but he stopped me. I stood there waiting for what he wanted… he took off his pants and pushed me to the floor. I took his cock into my mouth… the thrill of the moment intensifying my senses. I slipped off my shoes as my feet were killing me… then my hands found their way back to his thighs.  Time passed… we stayed like this… me giving him pleasure. I do so very much love it… making him feel good… it in itself turns me on so much.

When he had his fill of my mouth.. he stripped me of my pants. I was turned and bent over the mattress on the floor. His cock slid into me with such ease… eliciting a moan of pleasure.  I could feel each thrust with such intensity… it was just so surreal. Here we were fucking with such passion… and there were tons of people only feet away… going on with their night as if nothing else was going on. You’d think I’d be concerned about making noises… but I didn’t care about that. He said something… something I couldn’t make out.. and when I asked him what it was… he told me to touch my clit. I rubbed between my legs… feeling him fucking me as I did so.

We switched it up a bit… I climbed onto the bed… allowing him access back inside of me. My hands found his chest.. but only stayed there momentarily till he ordered me to make myself cum. He bucked deep inside of me.. hitting bottom.. moans randomly escaping my lips. My fingers went to work on my clit… making circles.. feeling that familiar build grow inside of me. When my orgasm cum.. my legs tightened around him… and I was suddenly even more wet… flooded around his cock.

He kept thrusting into me… my free hand running against his chest… brushing his nipples. His movements were becoming more hurried… more needy. I could feel his lust for me… his need to fill me with his cum. And when he finally did… it was like a wave of endorphins rushed over me.. this feel of satisfaction… my lover was sated.

We lay next to each other after… feeling that afterglow of amazing sex. We talked back and forth for a few minutes before he got up to clean up (they provide wipes and such… very handy). I laid there and cleaned up…. not ready to stand. In the next room we could hear a woman’s moan… and I imagined someone going down on her… the way her body was arching… the build of her orgasm. Ben sat down… and we joked that it was Marilynn. After all.. it could have been.. she could have been in any of those rooms.

Even after that I wasn’t ready to move.. I still was horny… I still needed the release of cumming again. He laid next to me… and I reached for my pussy… my fingers finding my clit. He rolled towards me… running his fingers up and down my thigh… telling me to cum for him. I rubbed… and stimulated myself… but I needed more… I needed him.

I nudged him… till he moved… till he was between my legs… sliding his fingers in me. I so love that… the way they fill me… how his fingertips curve up… how it makes me feel almost over stimulated. I continued working myself over… building to that coveted high. I was so close.. I could feel it… I just had to have it. It crept up on me… it built slow… and then the peak hit hard… like the winds of an unexpected tornado.

After I composed myself… it was time to clean up our mess… and leave our little haven.  We left our room… well fucked… and floating.

Stepping out of the box- part 2

When we made it down stairs we sat at a table… listening to music and sipping on drinks. We’d point out someone or something (shoes in my case lol) and talk about it. The visual was quite fun. One of the people that stood out was a guy with a brown cowboy hat on… and floaties on  his arms and around his waist. They had a pre-party at the nude beach in town earlier in the day… and that was welcome to be carried into the club… obviously he took it very seriously.

At some point the floaty guy made his way over to us. He asked if it was our first time and if we were having a good time. He commented about how we were lucky to have Marilynn with us.. and we chuckled. Told him that she was only our friend… not with us.  He seemed pretty pleased with that and started chatting her up closely. I’m fairly sure he asked if he could touch her because soon her was very much in her bubble… hands on her legs and such. We were pretty happy for her.. we were concerned that she’d have a bad time.. and feel like a third wheel.

Soon floaty guy aka Robert made his way back into the sea of people to socialize some more. I had kept seeing this one single guy floating around the room. He was fairly attractive and no one was really talking to him. I’m sure its hard to be a single guy in a place like that… takes some balls to come there I think.  I pointed him out to Ben… who pointed him out to Marilynn. He suggested she go ask him to dance. She said no way.

At some point she and I went and shook our asses on the floor for a bit. The dance floor would fill and empty based off the song that was playing… and so at any given time.. it would be full.. or almost empty. I personally don’t like dancing when there isn’t people on the floor. So, when it emptied… I decided it was time to sit back down. We continued watching… seeing some groping going on.. and various body parts making their presence seen. It was a sight to be seen… Ben and I were having quite a good time. We’d kiss each other… my hands would wander between his legs… and his fingers found their way in my shirt till his fingers were teasing my nipples.

Marilynn headed back to the bar to get a new drink… and Ben took this chance to approach the single guy to suggest he ask her to dance. By the time she made it back to the table and settled back in…. the single guy disappeared. I figured that he just wasn’t interested and chalked it up to his loss. Barely any time passed before Robert made his way back to the table. This time he was more hands on… if that was possible lol. Ben and I smiled at each other and went off into our own world… of watching and touching each other.

When Robert departed again… the single swooped in. We were impressed at how smooth he was. Marilynn went off to the dance floor with him… dancing close and chatting a little. The problem with the single guy was that he wasn’t aggressive enough… he didn’t take the initiative that was staring him in the face. And so… in the end… he missed out on his lack of action. She came back to the table after she danced for a bit looking quite toasted… and quite horny. I mean, who wouldn’t be after dancing up against someone.. and being felt up by another.

I saw Robert up on the balcony eying our table. When he saw Marilynn sit back down.. he disappeared… I leaned into Ben saying I knew that he’d be down where we were again. I was right. Only a minute or two had passed before he appeared at the table again. This time… so much more touchy…. it was kind of surreal. Next thing we knew… she was telling us that she was going to a room.

When she left…. we felt the weight of needing to entertain her lift off our shoulders… it was our time to have fun. We started focusing more on just us… kissing each other. My fingers roamed to between his legs.. rubbing up and down his cock. His fingers copied… rubbing me through the fabric of pants. He mentioned he wished I had my skirt on… so did I! His other hand found my collar… wrapping his fingers around it… I felt drunk with arousal. I needed him… needed to feel him inside of me. It was time to find our own room.

Stepping out of the box- part 1

Last night was a first for us. I do very much enjoy trying new things.. the excitement of the unknown… its just awesome. We went to a swingers club with a friend of ours last night… and it truly was an experience. We really stepped out of little comfort box (but didn’t completely smash it).

I had planned out my outfit… it was pink night there… so I had a pink and black top… black form fitting skirt.. fishnets and black heels. When I went to go get ready… one of my stockings were MIA… which dismayed me beyond all belief. I didn’t have another pair of stockings and my legs are in need of some sun… and so I nixed the skirt and tossed on a pair of black dress pants. I was still disappointed about it though.

I had asked Ben earlier in the day if he wanted me to wear my plug before we left because he had mentioned something about maybe wearing it to the club. I really didn’t want to mainly because sometimes it becomes uncomfortable and wouldn’t have anywhere to store it if I had to take it out. Ultimately, this wasn’t my choice… and I ended up putting it as I was getting dressed.

We headed down… a 45 minute drive away from out house. I drove down… and surprisingly I wasn’t nervous. The last time we did something like this… I wasn’t either. Perhaps I’m evolving.  We parked and headed in. There’s no sign outside… other than the street number and a doorman there waiting to let people in. He saw us coming.. greeted us.. then opened the door for us. We stepped into this small dark room with a desk. We were met by someone else at the desk… who pointed us in the direction of a blond woman who was going to give us a tour of the club.

She shook all our hands and walked us through the doorway into the first room. To the left was the bar and in front of us was the dance floor with a few tables off to the right. The music was already going.. and staff was walking around… attending to their pre-opening duties. She told us some of the basic rules and such before we headed back through another doorway into the buffet area. She explained that they served dinner till 12:30… cookies came out then… and was followed up by breakfast.

Off to the right was a little cove they call the couples room with curtains and beds with cushions… it looked quite cozy. She said this room tended to be very popular since it was a couples and single women area only. We carried on back out and to the back of the first floor to the private rooms. These rooms had windows and doors or the option of pulling the curtains. You can be as open or closed as you want… and no one can enter if the curtain is drawn or the door is closed. She explained the clean up process and such. It was nice to see how clean they were… a big plus of course.

From there we headed up the stairs… they are kind of narrow.. and for this reason there’s no sex on the stairs. That made us laugh. At the top of the stairs is another grouping of private rooms. One of which has a sex swing (that we are so going to try next time!). Off to the right is what they call the orgy bar. The whole area is one big mattress with a sheet on it with a tv playing porn. It was something to behold. Further through was the balcony area with seats and a lit up stripper pole. Our friend, Marilynn, tried it out.. apparently she was a stripper in her past life… when she was going to college. You learn something new everyday.

After the tour she took us down stairs to do our membership paperwork and pay. It was a fairly quick process. We were banded with party bracelets and set loose to explore at our whim. We started at the bar. I ordered a strawberry daiquiri… Marilynn followed suit…  and Ben had a whiskey sour (the best he’s had in a long time… he said that several times through the night). We wandered back upstairs… things were still fairly slow as it was still early in the night. We hung around… not ready to hit the empty dance floor yet… drinking and chatting with each other.

We people watched as other started to trickle in. We were pleasantly surprised at the array of individuals that came in. We felt very comfortable… which is very important. Once there was a fair amount of bodies down by the dance floor we decided to head down and see what the night lay in store for us.