We went out to dinner with another couple over the weekend.  It was another Master and slave… and it was kind of nice to be out with other people that live the same way that we do.  I liked watching them interact… the way she’d relent to him when she got close to pushing her luck.  I liked how he’d threaten to put her over the table that lay between the four of us and spank her right there.  I confused that such things would make me blush.  I have to say I’m really glad that Ben wouldn’t do that.  He may tease me about it.. but I know (atleast 98% sure) that he would never toss me over the table and spank me.

The night flowed well.. we’d all four talk then we’d break off in separate conversations between the guys and girls.  Ben and I get really animated when we get excited about stuff… and so this night was no different.  I’m not sure what he was talking about… but I soon found myself having a hard time hearing her over him.  I touched him arm and told him I couldn’t hear her and motioned for him to talk a little softer.  He laughed and acknowledged that he does tend to get boisterous.  Our conversations picked back up from there.

At the time… our interaction… my interjection seemed okay.  After all, that’s how he and I relate to each other.  But then, I got to thinking about it…. was my saying something to him about how loud he was talking wrong?  Was it wrong for me to tell my Owner to not talk so loud?  How did my saying something come off?  Did that seem very unsubbly of me?  I would hate to think anyone thought I was being disrespectful to Ben.  That was never my intention, I merely wanted to be able to carry on my own conversation.  If I can’t hear her, then I’m not being  an active part…. and I don’t want to be rude.  But in the same thought process.. could I not have been more tactful? Told him in a more respectful way?

I’ve mulled this over the last couple days.  Trying to make sense of it.. as it has been kind of bothering me since it happened.  I wish I could go back and done it a bit different…. how? I don’t know… just different.  In my thoughts though, I came to realize that if I Ben had thought I was being rude, he would have said something.  Maybe he wouldn’t have right then and there, but certainly after if it really bothered him.  And so what if the other couple didn’t think I was being sub like… or him not masterly for not correcting me.  We do things the way that works for us.  We’ve never been high protocol type people…. always been relaxed and so that shows in how we relate to each other.  It doesn’t matter if they think that I was rude or whatever they may have thought.  What matters is that my Owner wasn’t upset or take note of my possible poor behavior.

So many times I don’t care about what others think… but there are still times that it still creeps in and effects how I see the world.  I would never want anyone to think poorly of Ben.  He is a wonderful husband and Dom.  I have to learn to let go of my worries about other’s opinions sometimes… and focus on the opinion that matters… his and mine.

I do find it interesting the things I take note of, though.  Before the D/s it would have been no big deal.. but now it is a question of me trying to control the situation.  Maybe I was trying to control… I don’t know.  I think I’m still transitioning in social settings.  I fall back on my behavior before we made the change to D/s.  I’m not saying that was wrong… its just a different way of looking at the way I talk to Ben… the way I treat him.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to treat him with more respect. In fact, I think if more people thought about being respectful of one another… the world would be a much nicer place to live in.  I like to think that being a part of a D/s relationship helps me grow in many ways… this is just one of them.

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