Tag Archive: dates


meeting Issac

When Ben and I started the journey into our open marriage… I had no idea what would await me.  There really was no way of telling what was out there.. what there was to experience.  I did know that I wanted to experience everything that life has to offer… and I wanted to do that with Ben next to me.  Admittedly.. our first experience with being open wasn’t the best it could be.  It ended rather horribly.. so much so we retracted into each other because it was what we needed to do at the time to make things better.

It would take many months for us to try again.  Our original attempt was far fetched in retrospect.  It’s hard enough to make a solid connection with one person, much less two.  I knew that us finding a girlfriend together was futile, and honestly not something I really wanted anymore.  My desires had changed.  I think Ashley made me realize that I like to play with women.. but most certainly don’t like dating them.  It’s just not for me.  And so for that I am thankful I learned that.

So when we decided to take a stab at this again, in a different way… we knew it would be separately.  In the beginning of this go round.. I put up an ad on a major BDSM dating site.  I knew that being with someone vanilla wasn’t an option for me.  Vanilla sex just doesn’t do it for me.. I need that extra edge… and I need someone that’s comfortable with not being the norm.  This was something I had to have.

My criteria was simple.  Someone that was respectful of my marriage, that makes me laugh, that could interact with me every day, could see me once a week, and wasn’t looking for a D/s relationship.  Well maybe that’s not so simple?  I don’t know.  My first two days I was bombarded with so many messages from people ranging from 21 to 61.  A good deal of them either didn’t read my ad or were just too dumb to talk to.  Though there were a few decent ones sprinkled in there.  I would eventually change my ad to put in an age range because lets get realistic here people, I’m 29 and have no interest in a 61 year old man.  Sorry.

I went out on two dates as a result and where as I had fun, I knew there wasn’t anything there to pursue.   And then.. out of the blue, I get this incredible message from this man.  He had such a way with words.. and I was instantly struck by it.  I was speechless to be honest, and that doesn’t happen often.  Next to never.  The only problem was… he was out of my age range by two years.  Suddenly, that didn’t matter at all to me.  I had to know this person.. I could just feel it.  I responded immediately.

We would share messages back and forth for several days… and I was taken by him and his words immediately.  We exchanged phone numbers to text one another less than a week later.  We actually talked on the phone less than a week after the initial contact.  We had this instant connection that was just.. yeah… it was intense… and awesome.  Lots of adjectives.  Time flew with him on the phone.  (Did I mention he is English and has the most wonderful accent? Yes… I love it.).

It wasn’t long before we made plans to meet.  I was pretty attached already… we talked everyday (in fact we’ve talked every day since we met).  For the first time, I was nervous about meeting him.  I didn’t want it to change and the reality is that sometimes its not the same in person.  I had something to lose here.  He knew how nervous I was… as we talk about most everything and don’t hold back.  It’s refreshing.

So the day came we’d meet.. and since we live 2 1/2 hours apart we agreed to meet in the middle.  I got there before him.. and had time to start panic.  I was so scared.  As soon as I saw him though.. and he hugged me.. it was all gone.  There he was.. right in front of me.. and it was exactly the same as it was.  I was so relieved.  We spent nine hours together the first day before we had to go home because we both worked the next day.  It was so hard to leave… for both of us.  I didn’t have a question in my mind that I wanted him in my life.

And so that was the beginning of what has become something special and wonderful with Issac.  He’s become so much a part of my life it’s crazy.  I didn’t know I could be so lucky to find two men that make me feel so intensely… that treat me wonderfully… that.. yeah.  I don’t have words for what I have.  I know it wont always be easy… it won’t always be perfect… but damn.  I am so very happy.  Happy, that’s an understatement.  I am one lucky woman.  Hell yes I am.

It makes me feel a bit selfish at times… that there are people in this world that are single and looking for someone to love them.. and here I have two.  I didn’t know it was possible to love two people so intensely.  No idea at all.  Like I said, I had no idea what I was going to get when we started.  I am so pleasantly surprised.  Sometimes I want to pinch myself because there is no way this isn’t a dream.  I am constantly surprised at what we as people are capable of feeling and doing.  It’s amazing.

We went out to dinner with another couple over the weekend.  It was another Master and slave… and it was kind of nice to be out with other people that live the same way that we do.  I liked watching them interact… the way she’d relent to him when she got close to pushing her luck.  I liked how he’d threaten to put her over the table that lay between the four of us and spank her right there.  I confused that such things would make me blush.  I have to say I’m really glad that Ben wouldn’t do that.  He may tease me about it.. but I know (atleast 98% sure) that he would never toss me over the table and spank me.

The night flowed well.. we’d all four talk then we’d break off in separate conversations between the guys and girls.  Ben and I get really animated when we get excited about stuff… and so this night was no different.  I’m not sure what he was talking about… but I soon found myself having a hard time hearing her over him.  I touched him arm and told him I couldn’t hear her and motioned for him to talk a little softer.  He laughed and acknowledged that he does tend to get boisterous.  Our conversations picked back up from there.

At the time… our interaction… my interjection seemed okay.  After all, that’s how he and I relate to each other.  But then, I got to thinking about it…. was my saying something to him about how loud he was talking wrong?  Was it wrong for me to tell my Owner to not talk so loud?  How did my saying something come off?  Did that seem very unsubbly of me?  I would hate to think anyone thought I was being disrespectful to Ben.  That was never my intention, I merely wanted to be able to carry on my own conversation.  If I can’t hear her, then I’m not being  an active part…. and I don’t want to be rude.  But in the same thought process.. could I not have been more tactful? Told him in a more respectful way?

I’ve mulled this over the last couple days.  Trying to make sense of it.. as it has been kind of bothering me since it happened.  I wish I could go back and done it a bit different…. how? I don’t know… just different.  In my thoughts though, I came to realize that if I Ben had thought I was being rude, he would have said something.  Maybe he wouldn’t have right then and there, but certainly after if it really bothered him.  And so what if the other couple didn’t think I was being sub like… or him not masterly for not correcting me.  We do things the way that works for us.  We’ve never been high protocol type people…. always been relaxed and so that shows in how we relate to each other.  It doesn’t matter if they think that I was rude or whatever they may have thought.  What matters is that my Owner wasn’t upset or take note of my possible poor behavior.

So many times I don’t care about what others think… but there are still times that it still creeps in and effects how I see the world.  I would never want anyone to think poorly of Ben.  He is a wonderful husband and Dom.  I have to learn to let go of my worries about other’s opinions sometimes… and focus on the opinion that matters… his and mine.

I do find it interesting the things I take note of, though.  Before the D/s it would have been no big deal.. but now it is a question of me trying to control the situation.  Maybe I was trying to control… I don’t know.  I think I’m still transitioning in social settings.  I fall back on my behavior before we made the change to D/s.  I’m not saying that was wrong… its just a different way of looking at the way I talk to Ben… the way I treat him.  I don’t think there is anything wrong with wanting to treat him with more respect. In fact, I think if more people thought about being respectful of one another… the world would be a much nicer place to live in.  I like to think that being a part of a D/s relationship helps me grow in many ways… this is just one of them.

coffee night for the girls

Friday night was my coffee date with Ashley. She picked me up at the house and we made our way to Starbucks. She had asked me earlier in the day if I wanted her to pick me up or meet her there and I told her I didn’t care either way. She said she’d pick me up because she was old fashioned. I teased her telling her, “says the girl who is going on a date with another girl”. We both got a good giggle out of it.

We chatted all the way there and walked idly into the coffee shop. As I walked in, someone I knew was there… a nice guy but not really aware of when to be quiet and remove himself from the conversation. I introduced them both.. and talked to him a few minutes. He had ordered his coffee and paid for ours as well apparently. It was very nice.

Once we ended that interaction we eyed the layout trying to find a place to sit that was away from everyone. We had hoped to get the cove by the door… she had thoughts of cuddling close together and talking to one another. This wasn’t going to happen. There was a guy with his computer firmly planted there. So I picked a two person table and settled down.

Our conversation was fluid.. it came very easily. We talked about old relationships, being teenagers, traveling, Ben, and so on. In my mind I wondered if she wanted me to hold her hand… I wasn’t really sure what to do. So I just sat there and talked… it just seemed like the best choice.  Honestly, I felt a little weird making such advances without Ben there. Before we knew it, almost two hours had passed. I was pretty hungry by then and asked her if she was ready to grab some food. When she agreed, I called Ben and asked him to join us.

We both headed over to the pizza place I had chose. On the way in the door I snapped a picture of us and sent it to Ben… he responded with “beautiful girls”. Inside we got in line.. it was pretty busy. We were still waiting when he walked up behind us.  I kissed him hello then came up to the counter and ordered our food. Ben took off and found us a table. She and I made our way over to the table as well and settled down… me next to her. I figured since I was on a date with her… its her I should sit next to.After dinner, Ben headed home and she and I piled back into her car to meet him there.

She left our house at 1:00 am…. we got very little sleep.

I had a really good time out with her actually. It was really nice to get time to just talk with her alone and form a sort of friendship just her and I.   The next day I felt so much better than the last time we had seen here. I didn’t feel that uneasiness I had felt before.  Going out alone with her really was just what I needed to feel good about the whole situation.

Ben and I had talked about what was going on and my feelings before she and I went out. I was feeling kind of left out in the sense she wasn’t really talking to me. Ben told me that Ashley doesn’t really text him first… and so that helped lay my worries to rest a bit. We had discussed me talking to her about my thoughts and feelings but after sleeping on that, I decided not to jump the gun. I didn’t want to cause issues where there really wasn’t any. Those feelings could really just all be in my head.

When we talked about this, I felt a lot better even just the next day. It was amazing just how communicating with Ben made things better. I know how important communicating is.. but this really drove this home for me.  Holding things in doesn’t do anyone any good. I’m really glad I didn’t say anything to her now.  It really would have been jumping the gun. I wouldn’t say I’m really excited about our blooming relationship but I am happy its evolving the way it is.

I really do like Ashley a lot. She’s a lot like we are. She shares a lot of our interests and fills in gaps in the ones that he and I don’t share. It’s a nice mix. We never run out of things to say and are really at ease around one another. I think the biggest thing that has been difficult for me is the change that has been taken place in our relationship.  It’s been an adjustment for me… for us to add someone else into the mix. I don’t regret it one bit and am happy we’re moving in this direction.  Most things new come without a few bumps.

So… I’d say the coffee date was successful.