Day 22: What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

If you’ve been around the BDSM community.. you will have heard this before.  I think the most important part of a BDSM relationship is communication.  Be it just a play relationship or deeper… it cannot work without communication.  The thing is though.. I don’t think that BDSM relationships differ from vanilla ones.  If you aren’t talking and expressing yourself…. it’s not going to work- be it a friendship or a marriage.

I think one of the biggest problems long term relationships run into is lack of talking.  People take advantage of the fact that their partner is there everyday.  They forget that they still need to talk about what is going on in their head and heart.  Over the years, we all change…. and a couple can change together or grow apart.  It’s a decision.   That doesn’t mean that will guarantee that the relationship will stand the test of time, but it will be easier if you’re sharing with each other inside of living separate lives… together.

Ben and I talk about everything… even when it’s hard.  Sometimes I can’t tell him to his face what is going on… and I am so glad there are other forms of expressing myself so that I can convey to him what’s going on with me.  Sometimes it’s easier for me to write it all out than actually saying anything.  Whatever way I do bring up stuff… it ends the same way…. we communicate how we feel and come up with a solution if there is an issue.  We’ve always been this way.. and because of it.. we have a great relationship.  He is my best friend.  I’d rather be with him than anyone in the world… he’s always my first choice to hang out with.  I’ve had my share of crappy relationships where there was no communication… and I can see the vast difference.

I feel really confident that as long as we continue talking… we will make it through anything.  I make the choice everyday to choose him… to choose us.  That’s the difference between a bad relationship.. and a good one.  Choosing to talk it out… and make the couple a priority.