Day 4: Any early experiences that, in retrospect, hint at your kinks?

This particular question is difficult for me.  I don’t know quite how to answer this one.  I feel like I keep repeating myself.. and we’re only 4 days in.  I can only think of one thing really.. it happened almost exactly a year ago.. like just shy of two days.

It was my birthday weekend… we had friends over.  We had drank.. and then ended up getting naked.  It was the first time we had played with anyone but us.  It was certainly a milestone.  After they went home just after midnight, Ben wanted to keep drinking… and I was all too happy to oblige him.

We spent the next several hours on the couch… watching porn.  It was fun to say the least.  There was an air to the room… to that night, that was different.  I had this sense of deep submission… all I wanted to do was please him.  While he watched porn… I was sucking his cock.. only coming up when he pointed out something he wanted me to see.  I was insanely wet.  My lust for him was so raw… so needy.  It felt like a drug.

As the wee hours of the morning pressed on… we found ourselves in the kitchen.  I don’t remember why.. or how… but he had me on my knees.  I remember it vividly… looking up into his face.  He had this look… it was pure dominance.  I was addicted immediately.  He was calm, cool, and collected.  He spoke softly… but there was no question he was in complete control.  He asked me for the very first time… what I was.  I was his.  Simply his.  He asked me if I would do anything he wanted.. and of course my answer was yes. His hand went around my neck… my breathing was heavy.  My thighs hurt from being in one spot for too long… I could feel myself weaving.   He could see how uncomfortable I was… but told me to say where I was.  I felt a twitch throughout me that was like lightening. In that moment, I knew I wanted… needed to be owned.  I need him to own me.  It was monumental.  It was the first time I truly admitted to myself this truth… and realized that one of my kinks was indeed control.  Simply amazing.

I will always look back on that night with a fondness of sorts.  It was special.. and not something we’ve been able to duplicate.  It’s not something you can just make happen… it was one of those perfect moments that happen just by chance.  It was the beginning for me…. of acceptance and understanding on many levels.  It would be a month later almost to the day that I told Ben of my desire to be owned by him.. controlled by him.  Who would have known that night last May what it would help give birth to.  I know I didn’t.

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