Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

Well, I think deep down I’ve always known… just never realized it I guess.  Before I met Ben.. I had an old school friend out visiting me.  The day he was scheduled to go home.. he was messing around on his laptop and so I was passing the time chatting on Yahoo.  I was messaged by someone that lived two hours north of me and we hit it off.

He had this thing for dominating women.. more about tying them up and such than anything.  From that first meeting we chatted quite a bit and when I felt comfortable we met up.  The first time we played… he hogtied me and made me make him cum before he’d let me loose.  I was hooked.

I remember driving home from that experience looking at the indention on my wrists from the rope and being in awe.    We would end up playing some more from there… trying out different things but always sticking with the bondage theme.  It would come out through our interactions online that he was a switch.  I topped him twice in the course of our relationship of sorts.  I found out rather quickly it wasn’t the right thing for me.  I did it because I felt like he deserved to have the favor returned so to speak.

It didn’t take me long to realize that any long term partner I would have needed to be kinky as well.  It was a need that I couldn’t go without.  Lucky for me, Ben fit that bill.  He knew about that stuff pretty early on… I always had a sense of safety and trust with him.  However, by the time Ben and I became a couple my taste for submission changed to something less forced.  I preferred to give my submission to him freely without being bound.  It was fun every now and then but I began leaning to the pain side of things more.  It seemed more powerful to me if I was sitting there accepting what he gave me of my own will.

And so, a new me was born… it was like I was set free.  I found something new that gave me a sense of self.  It has become one of those things I can’t live without (happily that is) and that I can’t remember what it was like before I discovered it.   I wonder if I hadn’t met the first guy if I would’ve ever realized this about myself.  Most of me thinks I would have sooner or later…. I’m just glad I found it.  It certainly has enriched my life… our life.