We were in the middle of playing- my weekly beating as we like to call it.  I was on my hands and knees… ass high in the air.. or at least trying to keep my ass in the position I’m supposed to.  He was wailing on my ass with a wooden spatula (I think)… words spewing from his lips.  I had asked for this… I had to remind myself.

Before we had started.. I all ready regretted asking being pushed.  I wasn’t ready… I wanted him to stay in his sweet mode.  I wanted him to keep touching me and looking at me with such love… I didn’t want that to melt away.  He eased me in… but it didn’t take long for things to get intense.  So when he slapped my face a few times with his cock deep in my throat and the tears flowed… I had asked for this… I had to remind myself.

I hadn’t cried in a while… that cleansing type of crying.  Oh sure we had played but we really hadn’t walked on that dark edge in a few weeks.  It left me a bit anxious…. I needed for him to take from me what he wanted…. I needed to be pushed past my comfort zone.  This I needed… to feel free.  It’s so strange to want something so bad… but kind of fear it.  That sort of conflict is very complex.  So pushing… he was doing.. with each swat of the wooden implement.  I hated it… but loved it…. I had asked for this… I had to remind myself.

A sea of phrases were surrounding me… questions designed to elicit a reaction.. the reaction he wanted.  He wanted me to feel owned… from the top of my head… to the tips of my toes… and everything in between.  And then he asked me.. what I would do if he told me I was never going to cum again.  A sort of panic washed over me… that irrational part of me that believed that he would actually do it.  My mind raced… I needed that… that release… I couldn’t carry on as his property if he so blatantly didn’t allow me to cum.  I had asked for this… I had to remind myself.

And then… it became so very clear… it wasn’t a threat.  It was meant to make me think.. to vocalize what I’ve already given… my everything.  Ben loves me… and looks after me.  He gives me everything I need… and then some.  He is wonderful.. kind… giving.  He knows how much I need sexual release… and in knowing that he knows that if I don’t get it, I feel off my game.  The way one can see off in the distance on a clear, sunny day… I could see what he was doing.  He wouldn’t take that take that away from me.  The fear of the threat washed away.. and I trusted in him to take care of his beloved property.  It’s not for me to worry about such things.. he’s got it all taken care of.  I had asked for this… I had to remind myself.