Two weeks ago… my issue with Ashley came to a head. I can’t remember how it actually came about… but we finally talked to each other. She admitted that she is intimidated by me. I can’t really see it.. but who really can see such things about themselves? She says I come off so cool and collected… that I know what I want.. and have my life figured out. I make her feel like a giggly little girl.

I told her the only way to get around that is if we talk more and such. How do you get rid of a leg cramp? You walk it off. And so I told her I thought we should text each other every day no matter what. Keeping the lines of communication open will make her feelings of nervousness go away sooner or later.

This seemed to work well… and by the time she came over and spent two nights with us on Halloween weekend… we seemed to have found a new comfort with each other. We had a great weekend together including an awesome Halloween party. It was a good time… and I was glad she got to spend some extra time with us.

We planned on her staying two nights again this past weekend when my kids decided they wanted to stay the night with Grandma and Papa after they went to their Dad’s. This sounded good to me… we’d get our time in with Ashley and still leave a night for he and I to play. We hadn’t played in almost two weeks and I was anxious. Having her over two nights the previous weekend had kept me from getting my needs met. I seem to be doing that lot lately… giving up stuff to allow her to be in our life. I don’t mind it… she’s a great girl… and its worth it… when she’s being herself.

As Friday morning rolled around, I had big plans for that night for Ashley. This weekend would be all about her… it was going to be a lot of fun for everyone. Only as Friday arrived, my ex had texted me saying that he got mugged and his bike stolen so he wouldn’t be able to take the kids. Ben and I discussed what we should do.  I called my parents and explained what was going on and asked if the girls could stay with them Friday and Saturday since they hadn’t seen them a lot lately. Dad said sure and I told him I’d be there to get them on Sunday.

With that solved we had an issue… do we tell Ashley what happened and ask her to change plans to only one night? Do we tell her to come over later on Friday night so Ben and I can get our play taken care of? Do we just stick with the original plan of two nights? In the end I told him that it’s not her fault that she shouldn’t be punished… and with that… I was giving up yet another weekend where we wouldn’t get our play time. I was feeling the toll of it… and feeling a bit emotional about it all. I sucked it up though… and focused on the fun we’d still have.

That night went off without a hitch. We had sensation night where we used all sorts of things on her.. teasing her… candles, marbles, massage oil, gloves, and so on. It was a lot of fun showing her something she’d never done before. It ended with her getting a good beating from Ben… but no sex. We all went to bed in good spirits.

The next day I got off early and so she and I went grocery shopping. When Ben got home, we went to dinner and spent a nice time out just talking and being together. Back at home I was starting to feel very crampy… I knew that Ben had promised Ashley sex that night.. and I wasn’t going to take that away. So when we went to bed and he initiated things… I really wasn’t into it. I tried to be.. but I just couldn’t get there. I told Ben he could still carry on while she was in the bathroom but I guess he felt weird about it. He made her cum… and we all went to sleep.

The next day after breakfast, Ashley headed home and I was left to spend a day on the couch watching movies and relaxing while Ben was at work. What I didn’t know is that Ashley was super pissed that she didn’t get sex. She had told Ben that I get him all the time and if she wanted sex.. then she should get it… that she should get one on one time. This, of course, did not set right with me. We have always spent so much energy and time making her feel special.  I know I personally go out of my to make sure her needs are taken care of. I was not happy about this.

By Monday morning when she blogged about it… I was furious. Who does she think she is? Her needs are not more important than the group. Yes, it sucks she didn’t get sex… but her not getting that doesn’t come in front of how others feel.  She would have been pissed the positions had been reversed. I mean, there have been two times that come to mind that I didn’t get sex because she was there… and I didn’t go about throwing a tantrum.

I texted her. I told her I respected her feelings. I also told her about all that I give up for her to be with us… I told her that the weekend was all about her… and yes she didn’t get sex but she did get to cum and there was a lot of intimacy. Yes, plans were made.. promises made.. but life got in the way… and it happens. We spent the better part of the morning texting back and forth until she decided she didn’t know what else to say. A little after she was done with me… she was texting with Ben.

It was obvious she was trying to push us away… that she’d always been treated badly, so why would we be any different. The whole thing was a crazy. I couldn’t believe she was making so much out of not having sex. I can see her being bummed but she was blowing it way out of proportion. Every time she has a issue she then brings in… well I don’t know what I am to you guys and what you want from me. Over and over we tell her the same thing… a relationship.. bumps and all. Not just sex… not just companionship… the whole deal. And she just doesn’t get it.. or at least, won’t let herself understand it. We pointed out it sounded more and more like she just wanted sex… and that was not what we had signed up for. We’ve always been upfront and honest with her about how we feel and what we want.

By the time I got home at 3:00 pm… both Ben and I were exhausted. We were emotionally worn out. It seems like every couple weeks something flairs up and its a big drama. And let me tell you… I hate drama. I don’t need or want that in our life. I just don’t know. I care about Ashley a lot and like having her in our lives.. it’s just so much work. She seems so griped with fear… with a lack of self esteem… that I’m not sure she knows what a healthy relationship looks like. I don’t know if we can be what she needs. I do hope that we are… but I don’t know how many times we have to go through this before we have to make some decisions. I truly don’t want it to come to that but I like having a smooth, happy life.

As we stand.. she’s apologized for making such a big deal of things. We’ve told her that we want her to open and communicate with us with pushing us away and creating another big thing like this again.  I’m trying to move forward from it. It was a difficult day Monday… but of us were just at wits end. I know no matter what happens though… Ben and I have each others backs… that I have my best friend no matter what. If that’s all we end up with… we are still very lucky to have one another.

I always knew adding someone into the mix of things would be difficult… but I don’t think I anticipated this. In fact, I know I didn’t. Relationships are complicated enough… but then we had to go and throw a whole different person in the mix. Specifically one with some skeletons in her closet. There are bound to be bumps in the road…. I just can’t handle mountains being in our path. Maybe I’m just so used to how well Ben and I communicate and interact with one another that I’m not used to dysfunction anymore.

Sigh.. I dunno. I just want things to go smoothly. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. Or maybe it is.