Lately things have been super busy for us. Trying to find time for everything… yeah.. been fun. With my niece being home and my daughter’s party in the works… I have been really distracted. I feel pretty pulled thin.. and the thing that seems to have been put on the back burner is my submission.

Ive still been doing the things that are required of me… but some days Ive asked to get out of them for one reason or another. Of course our relationship is a priority… but my devotion to his ownership of me… I don’t feel it as strongly. I’m sure that he’s slacked a bit knowing how trying all of this is on me. How much of me it takes up between that and still working and the kids. I mean after all.. it’s the real world. We still have do all that is required of us… I can’t spend all my time on my knees serving his every whim- no matter how lovely that thought is.

I know that this will happen from time to time. That life will take more of us than we have to give and so that give has to be taken from something else.  I appreciate that he is considerate enough to look out for my sanity. After all… if I’m stressed so many things can happen from being sick to having a melt down… which wouldn’t be good for either of us. I know he cares so much about my well being. Not only because I’m his… but mostly because he loves me so very much.  There will always be fluctuations in anything… especially a relationship. Add all the D/s stuff in it.. and it’s a lot to continue.. to stay focused. It’s a balancing act.

Now that the party is done and over with things will get back to normal around here.  I really want to refocus on my submission to Ben.  I want to fully throw myself back into it and move forward. I hope that he will start taking more of me… getting what he needs from me.. and then some. I do very much love giving myself over to him.  It makes me feel balanced.. needed… owned.  I miss that feeling.. even if I didn’t realize at the time I needed it so much. It’s ever so apparent to me now. I need his control.  It’s funny how things change… how things about you change…. how you need stuff you never really realized before.

So here’s to getting back on track… I can’t wait.

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