Communication, its key to every relationship… be it friendships, parent/child, work, or romantic. You would think it would be second nature but in fact it’s not. Talking should be the easiest thing next to breathing, and yet its one of the hardest things to do. Sure when its an easy subject the words flow like a river but when the topic is difficult, well… it is much harder to actually open up. It takes courage to talk about the tough stuff.

I think that Ben and I communicate well… we have avoided many an argument by talking things out instead of blowing up.  But just like anyone else… we have our moments where we become complacent.. where taking the time to sit and just talk with one another takes a back seat to all the other things going on in our life. Fortunately we always find our way back without much trouble.

Ben and I had one of those nights last night. We spent the early part of the night laying in bed and enjoying some much needed alone time. It was nice to reconnect in such a physical way where it wasn’t rushed or some intense play session…. it was just us, taking pleasure in each other. After we headed to dinner and just relaxed for the night. When we headed to bed.. we laid there talking. Like really talked… about everything going on. The past few weeks have been such a big change for us. Its been fun but also challenging in some ways.  I have my good days and bad days processing it… wrapping my brain around it and the last two days had been bad ones.

I tried to explain to him the way my brain was working… and wished that I could give him access to my head so he could experience it the way I was living it. Words where escaping me… it was just a jumbled mass in there and so conveying to him accurately wasn’t very easy. I know going into this.. I didn’t expect our relationship with Ashley to be the way it is. It’s just different. When asked how I expected it to be… I couldn’t come up with an answer. I guess there are just hurdles that I hadn’t anticipated. I think when you add someone new to a relationship that is going be there for some time, it’s easy to become complacent with one another. It’s like the new toy a kid gets… and his old favorite one sits on the shelf, waiting for the boy to return and play with it when the newness wears off. Now that is an extreme example… I am not being pushed aside awaiting for attention from my husband, but there has been trouble balancing.  It’s human nature… and something he didn’t realize till I pointed out. Yet another reason why talking to each other is the most important thing.  He can’t read my mind.

I think what I’ve come to realize is that the idea of sharing Ben with someone else is something I’m okay with. I like sharing him sexually… mostly because I like him to be satisfied and happy and if I can help be a part of that, I’m a happy girl. Sexually it’s totally exciting and I don’t have any ill will about it. I also figured out that I’m okay with him caring about someone else… and someone else being important to him. However, I think the idea of him loving anyone else romantically is very difficult. I don’t think I could handle that. That is a real possibility when you invite another person into your relationship on a regular basis. He says he doesn’t think he could ever love another person… but I rebutted that you can’t say never. You just never know what the future holds. Had you asked us three years ago we’d be doing what we’re doing, I would have said never in a million years. It just proves that anything is possible. I told him that as much as I hated the idea… and how much it would break my heart that if he ever loved someone else I needed for him to tell me. Of course he assured me that what we have is so very special… our bond is something all on its own… and this… I agree with. I don’t feel threatened… I’m not afraid of anyone stealing him away. As long as we keep working at our relationship and choose to be each others most important person, then we will always be fine.

We talked more about that and some other stuff… joked a bit… laying close to each other… hands on each other.  We talked over a hour… well into the night.. yawning some… laughing… and connecting.  He always has a way of making me feel so special… so safe. I came out of our talking feeling good. It was a much needed talk to settle some ruffled feathers… that are most likely hormone induced. Hormones always seem to make me think more than I need to.. and read more into things than really exists. Being a woman sucks sometimes.

Most important… we have a strong relationship… built on love, trust, and communication. We plan on spending our lives together.. growing old next to one another… experiencing what life throws at us… together. With each other.. we can do anything. Just have to remember that we need to confide in each other… and be each others shoulders. Sometimes that’s easy to forget.

Advertisements