I’ve noticed a slowing in my sexual desire. Parts of me are distressed by this.. after all… I consider myself a very sexual being. I think about sex all the time.. even if I don’s necessarily want it. Though, normally thinking about it makes me want it… this hasn’t really been the case lately.  I do miss the frequency of our sexual encounters but am not distressed by it. It’s one of the ways we connect. I mean.. how could I not miss feeling so good… and feeling completely in sync with Ben?

Since he has taken claim of my sex so to speak…  we don’t have sex as often… and some of our sexual encounters are all about him. Them being about him doesn’t bother me at all. I do like bringing him pleasure… I like him being able to focus on what he gets from me without feeling like he has to always reciprocate. Before this would have never been the case. I don’t think I could have been selfless like that. I always wanted to be taken care of as well…. and would grow cranky if I wasn’t.

I mean in all honesty… pleasuring him only turns me on beyond belief. I’m not saying that I don’t want to have my needs taken care of as well… because I do!  I guess what I am saying is that I’m okay if it’s not. It isn’t the end of the world for me anymore… and it doesn’t upset me.  I take it in stride and know that he will indulge me when he sees fit. He could very well tell me I will not be cumming for the next month and I’d have to deal with it… that is his right as my owner. I wouldn’t like this very much… but I would obey such command.  I know that he probably wouldn’t do this because it wouldn’t serve either of us. I would be sad and cranky as that’s what happens when I cannot cum. I don’t do well without for a long period of time… its a stress relief of sorts for me.

Geez… this hasn’t shaped up like I had planned but I’m going to go with it.

I have to say that one plus to my slowed horniness is that it makes it easier to go several days without sex and I’m not in a frenzy. I feel more patient.  I feel like my desire is directly linked to his desire… like they are directly related to one another. Is this control? Is this what happens when you feel completely contained? When you embrace such dominance?  I can only assume so.  Maybe its because I so badly want him to be pleased and happy. I know that my insistent need to be sated is tough on him. His sex drive has always been lower than mine.. and so keeping up with me can be a bit of a challenge sometimes.  Maybe in taking the pressure off him it is better for us both. I know that it’s not in my hands anymore so I am at peace with it… and he knows that its there when he wants it.

Still I wonder if part of who I am is changing… becoming more his… than me. I know that he loves me for who I am… and takes the good with the bad. He doesn’t, that I have noticed, tried to actively change anything about me. Though in owning me has is inadvertently changed me I think.  I don’t see this change as a bad thing. How can something that enhances our relationship be bad? I think we are more focused on our dynamic now than before. We always connected and communicated well… I just think its deeper now than it was.

I find all the little stuff that has changed since we started this journey together is truly interesting. Some of it I could foresee but things like this I didn’t even think would happen.  I like to look at it as positive stuff as I don’t feel like it has negatively affected me.   After all… isn’t this supposed to be about finding a better way to relate to each other? About finding out what works for us…. what fulfills both of us? And so if serving him has changed my libido so that I can more selflessly serve him… then that’s what needs to happen.  This is our life now… one I fully thought out before ever mentioning. I have no regrets.  I am his for better or worse.

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