2000:

This year was a jumble of all sorts of events. The end of a long term relationship that was very bad for me. Dating the one and only girlfriend I ever had.  Buying my first car. Becoming estranged from my mother.

Life was still new then to me… young enough to believe I was invincible. I wanted to do my own thing… without my family or friends meddling. I needed to figure out who and what I was. I wanted to experience everything life had to offer me.

I was oversexed (not like that has changed, but in a different way)… in a way that I wanted it anyway I could get it.  I thought I was submissive… though I didn’t really know what that meant.. not to the depths that I’ve come to love and embrace it.  I briefly dated a guy that I would years later find out was a Master (ironic now). He always chuckled when I’d mention anything about being submissive. I wonder now if he had the strong urge to really educate me.

I had my first FMF threesome that year. I’ve always been the kind that was open to new things…. I love being able to say I’ve done that. I thought I figured out all the sexual arena offered me. There was still fantasies I wanted to explore… but I knew I could obtain them.

I hated being single when I was… which was few and far between. I didn’t know exactly what I was looking for.. but I followed my heart.. sometimes to things that were less than good for me…. it built character. I had a couple great friends that were always around. We did everything together (at some point I dated both of them).

At the end of the day I thought I knew so much… as all younger people do. I thought I was so mature and had things figured out… and maybe to a point I did…but it took a lot of years of living and learning to realize how naive I was.  However, there’s something to be said about living and learning…. that time where everything is a new experience… that time that makes you who you are later in life.

2005:

I’m freshly single out of an almost five year relationship. I spent all of those five years practically being a mother to him. I wore the pants of that relationship…. and all I really wanted was a partner. I had that… “I just got out a relationship” mentality. I went crazy sexually and socially. I started drinking quite a bit… and by that I mean…. 3-4 times a week. It was a time of rediscovery for me.

I met a guy who changed my life… the only other man I loved besides Ben. He made me realize I deserved everything I ever wanted.. that I didn’t need to settle.  This was one of the most important lessons I learned… ever. I could find everything I wanted… I could live the life I wanted.

I became a cake decorator this year. I had coveted it so long… and it was finally mine. I found something that fullfilled me… that I actually loved. It was nice going to work and actually liking being there. I came home feeling accomplished.. like I was doing something good with my time… being a part of other peoples lives.

This was the first year I felt truly happy… truly free.

2010:

And here we are… I’ve never been happier. My home and work life are good. I am in the best relationship I’ve ever been in.

It’s been a journey for me… getting to the this place. It amazes me the changes that have come to pass in just the last five years.  I find it kind of funny that I didn’t even know about the lifestyle until threeish years ago. I remember having a brief intro to it in 2003 but I didn’t get it at all.. and brushed it off. When I stumbled across it again… it took a good year for me to truly understand it… to wrap my brain around it. I couldn’t comprehend why someone would give up that power over their own life.

When I finally had an understanding…. true understanding… I realized it wasn’t about giving up… it was about embracing something bigger.  I was so smitten by the idea… and to this day I can’t explain why. There is something so wonderful about it… so freeing in a way. It’s work.. but it’s not in the same fashion. Ten years ago I wouldn’t have dreamed I’d be in this place… living my life… I would have laughed if someone had told me this.

The funny thing is… I’ve never been happier… never so satisified. I feel so lucky… to have a life so full of love. I feel lucky to have a man that loves me… and looks after me. I know he’d so anything to make me happy… try anything… be anything. I know that doesn’t fit into what some people say is D/s… but that’s how we do it. He gives me what he thinks I need… I may suggest stuff but in the end it’s his decision now.

I think I may have moved off track… but I’m going to go with it.

My point is… my life is so completely different now than it was… and I’m thrilled with that difference. I can only imagine what the next ten years has in store for us. I look forward to experiencing every moment… taking on each change… becoming who ever I will be. If I’ve learned anything from the last ten years… is that you never know what turns the road will have for you. You can try to foresee what the future holds… but most likely… it will not be what you envisioned… sometimes.. not at all.

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