I feel this change… a change deep inside of me. Maybe it’s all my imagination.. maybe its not. Things that normally would upset me.. and ruin my whole day I’ve been able to just accept and move on. Like for example I found out that Ben has to work three Sundays in a row. Normally I get every two Sundays off and he gets all of them off…. those are the only days we get off alone together. Other days off, if we get them off together, are spent with the kids around. Don’t get me wrong… I do enjoy any days off with him, but they’re that much more special when it’s just the two of us. Those days are important to me.

So when I found out.. I was irritated… and bummed. It wasn’t his fault… I wasn’t mad at him.. more at the situation. This didn’t last long though. I ranted about it for a few minutes… then realized that it is what it is. There is nothing I can do to change it.. why let it upset me all day long? Why go home grumpy and be irritable with my Owner? All that leads to is me getting in trouble… and to that.. I say no thanks!

There were a few other things… that like I said, could be all in my head… but it seems different to me. I seem different. I very much want to be his obedient wife. To be at his knees figuratively and physically. I want to please him… to not question him… to be his… kept. I’ve never felt that way… never thought I was capable of being in this position- of not being in control. What’s weird about it… I feel so content. Could it be this is who I was intended to be? That my road lead to me to the right partner for me… to be who I am? Who knows… all I know is… I am a happy girl. AND I’m pretty sure.. he’s a happy man. This is what’s important.

Today, we stumbled across something we hadn’t addressed when we took on this change. Something we hadn’t considered…. though we should have known!  The specifics aren’t important… what happened is. I stated my feelings on it… and as I’m saying what I felt this overwhelming feeling came over me. I felt… wrong… like I shouldn’t be saying anything (even though I was right… he agreed on this too).  I felt like I shouldn’t be questioning his behavior.

This was really weird to feel this way. I’d never really felt bad about telling someone I didn’t agree with how they handled something. This change… whatever is happening inside of me… has taken hold. I think its a good thing… perhaps I’m wrong. In the end, he said it was okay to bring up my concerns and talk to him the way I did… only with that.  I just really want to be respectful and mindful of who he is to me…. more so.. what I am to him. The rational person inside of me says… you should feel like you’re crazy. I say the rational person inside of me is wrong. I happily take on the metamorphosis taking place inside of me. One day, I won’t even realize that I’m different… it’ll just be the norm. And that… I am completely okay with.

Who ever I’m evolving into… I am his.

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