Where to start.

Today is day one… of a new way of life.. a new way of thinking.. a new way of being.

It evolved so organically… yet still takes me by surprise. Ben and I have  been on a road to this day for a while now. Our taste for perversion was the window to a life we’ve decided to take on… once… it was just that.. perversion… that started in our bedroom.  The how it all became official is really unimportant. What is important is the fact of the matter…. I am owned. I am collared to my husband… and he owns every part of who I am. I have given this freely to him… with no reservation but a with hope and excitement… peppered with love.

We do not know what exactly lies ahead of us… what we do know is that we will navigate our lives together… him in the lead. We will find the way that works for us… that enriches us.

This is our journey.

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It’s not always easy to say what goes on in one’s mind. To be transparent… holding nothing back is difficult at the best of times. There’s always something you hold back for yourself.  Sometimes its hard to communicate the most intimate things of your mind. Those dark corners that are hidden because of fear or shame. I so badly want to open myself up to Ben… to hold nothing back. For me it important to throw myself into this new life I’ve asked for… and been to graciously granted. I want to be the good little submissive he deserves… one that he rarely has to correct. It’s a high standard to set. I just so badly want to please him… for him to be proud he has such a good wife.

I know that I’ll not always live up to what he expects… no one can do that. No one is perfect. I want to have such a tight leash on what he expects so that when I do mess up.. he knows. I don’t want to have to confess wrong doing… that act seems so difficult. In doing so… I know I’m basically asking to be punished. Who in their right mind would want that? (haha). The way I see it, though, if I do not confess something he doesn’t know about… then I’m not honoring what I asked for. I went out of my way to get this… to ask him for this… and it would be a huge disservice to that. I think something like this is all or nothing… you can’t do it halfway or it won’t work.  And so, I’ll embrace my submission.

Embrace my submission… such a funny thought… one that I never thought I’d say. Here I sit… living something that I sort of envied others for… and denied that I could ever do. I always felt I was too strong willed… that somehow it would take away part of who I am. The thing is…. all along.. it already was part of who I am. It took time and life experience to learn that I wanted it… that everything up until this point was just a road to where we are now. I can’t think of anything I want more in this very moment…. it just feels… right.  I don’t feel any lesser than I was… in fact I feel… more.  And even though I know it won’t always be easy… this is the life I choose… the one I want to share with my husband.

I feel… so alive.

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