>I went to a Munch today.. solo as Ben had to work late and would not be able to attend. Seems like…I always come home feeling the same way. I get home and feel a bit bummed and kind of on the outside. I must say.. that the people at the Munches are awesome and I really enjoy spending time getting to know them… BUT…

I feel… like I don’t belong.. that I’m not nearly as experienced as they are… and half the time have no idea what they are talking about. I have not actually tried most of what they do… and it makes me feel weird… that I have nothing to contribute. Like I’m a pretending to me something I’m not…

Like see… they are trying to organize a play party… which sounds like a ton of fun… but I don’t know if I’d feel comfortable going honestly. I would be surrounded by all these people that have tons of different, more lengthy experience… and it would be really… I dunno.. uncomfortable I guess.

I dunno… I’m feeling kinda… weird about it all… kinda down.. which I don’t understand. I guess when it comes down to it.. I would like to further our experience as a couple… I’m sure thats the root of this all.

I just have to remember to take baby steps as I have been doing this all longer than Ben… we go at the pace he is comfortable.. and I’m okay with that. I just want to be able to join in with all of them.. and have something to add to the conversation.. not be a bump on a log that is just there taking up space.

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