>When did sex two times a week become part of my life? What happened and when did this change take place…. and when did I become okay with it? Okay, but truly missing it. This shift in our sex life… is it because of all the drama surrounding my birth control.. or is it something more? Between that… his back hurting… being tired… or not feeling good… it seems that sex is something that is few and far between now.

This scares me like I cannot describe… while this shift continue to where its once a week? Or heaven forbid… once a month!? I don’t think I could handle that. I want to say that when I do get my IUD back.. that things will go back to normal.. but I’m not sure about that.

As it is… we’re looking at another two weeks of waiting for that to happen. The doctor wanted to wait a little longer to reinsert… to have a blood test.. he doesn’t want to take any chances that I could possibly be pregnant. I say.. that sucks.. big time. I’m really sick of this limbo and how it fucks with my head… maybe it’s fucking with Ben’s head too.. who knows.

We talk about it… but still that does not give me full insight to what is going on in his head. All I know is what I’m going through and I feel like our world is upside down. Like we’re in the twilight zone… where things are not as they should be. I’m tired of thinking about this.. about writing about it… I want to write about exciting, sexual things that get my blood boiling just by retelling it.

Yes.. this is real life… yes.. we’re still happy…. yes… we still have sex.. just not as often… but damn it.. I’m sick of it. Sick of the uncertainty… the wondering… and being told that I should not have sex at all… or if I have no self control… condoms. Well, obviously this guy does not know me… because there is no way I can go without two weeks without sex laying next to Ben every night… feeling his warmth up against me. Yeah. No. Way.

I so badly want to feel him right now… his hands on my body… cause that want is still there.. that need… the primal one. The one that makes me want him.. that aches to feel him… and turns me to a puddle at the thought of him.

Geez.. I need to get laid.

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