It took me a while to decide on what we would do. I am the planner and Ben likes to sit back and show up when it’s time.  So all the planning I did was a surprise to him.  I finally decided on going to Seattle.  I booked a great hotel.. called Hotel 1000.  We would spend the weekend after our anniversary there since we had to work on our actual anniversary.

The morning of leaving.. we had some breakfast and headed north.  We made it to Seattle and went straight to the EMP.  They had some great exhibits there (a horror movie tribute, Jimmie Hendrex, and Nirvana).  It was fun to walk around and check out stuff that we both really love… scary movies and music.

From there we headed to the hotel to check in.  This place was top rate all the way.  It was by far the best hotel I’ve ever stayed in…. which says a lot since I am a bit of a hotel snob.  The service was phenomenal.  The room was really comfortable as well…. with a great bed and this awesome tub that fills from the ceiling! 

After we  dropped our stuff off we headed to Pike Place Market.  It’s a must see every time we go.  I love the energy of it.  We wandered around and found a place to have lunch.  It had a great view of the Puget Sound.  We sat by the window and opened it a bit to get some fresh air.  We were so lucky to get such great weather.  The sunshine was sandwiched some rainy days.

We walked around some more before heading back to the hotel to relax.   When we walked in, they had delivered a bottle of sparkling wine and chocolates while were out.  It was a nice touch. We stayed there till dinner.  I drew us a bath with bubbles.  We must have stayed in the tub for a hour.. drinking, chatting, and playing with the rubber duck.  It was sweet… and fun.. and romantic.  I loved every minute of it.

After we got ready and headed to dinner.  The hotel provided us transport in their town car.. which was nice not to have to take a taxi.  I had picked this steak house that I had heard great things about.  We spent two hours there…. and it was a wonderful two hours.  The meal was amazing…. and they had a few nice touches in honor of our anniversary.  They had set out confetti on the table and gave us a delicious chocolate dessert as a congratulations.

The whole day was wonderful.  It was the perfect mix of doing things and relaxing.  It was so nice to escape our everyday life and be together.

I can’t say enough about the time we’ve been together.  I couldn’t think of a better man to be with for all those years.  He has been the best husband, friend, Owner, etc. I could ever have asked for.  I love him more today than I did the day I married him… which is a whole lot.  We’ve had our ups and downs… but we’ve done it together.  We’ve grown together… learned together… loved together.  I know that this will always be the way we take on the world.  It’s just who we are.  We are devoted to one another.. wonderfully devoted.

I have been working my butt off to be honest… and have more work than I can handle by myself.  I running from the moment I show up.  It’s really stressful.  Not to mention that I get split days off… so it seems like I never have any down time.  I am tired all the time.  This, of course, interferes with home.  I go and go…. and I feel like I’m about to drop around 8 at night.  I just have no time.

So this means not a lot of time for play…. and really our dynamic has kind of fallen to the side.  We keep trying to restart… it’s just not happening.  Something always comes up… work… or being sick… etc…. and honestly, it’s frustrating.  I think in the last three weeks we’ve had sex three times.  It’s just really crappy.  I miss it… but I’m not going nuts over it like I normally would. That is cause I am overworked… and my brain is always on the go.

Part of me feels like… I just don’t want to go back to our dynamic.  I don’t see how I have time to all the extra stuff that entails.  When will I have time for that? I just don’t know.  I want to go back to playtime as well… but I fell ho hum about that too.  Deep down I miss it… but I don’t have that driving desire to have play time.  I’m sure it will be one of those things that once I do it again, I’ll get that playtime buzz.  Right now… I just don’t feel that way.  I am so worn thin I don’t have much more to give.

I don’t like this feeling.  I don’t like being so tired… and I most certainly don’t like having sex once a week.  I just… ugh!

I have to say that the last month has been nothing but crazy.  From the day we found out that we were going to move… till today… we have been on the go.  It was simply exhausting.  Everyday held something to do.  I’d work.. then go home and work more.  There was tons to pack… stuff to get in order… a new place to find.. etc.  I was always tired and found very little time to relax.  Trying to uproot your life and move 70 miles away in three weeks is tiring.

Moving week came this week.  We packed all of our belongings into a uhaul truck on Tuesday night… and headed north first thing Wednesday morning.  The whole process was very hard on us…. moving is not an easy thing.  By the end of the day we were thoroughly drained.  We went out for dinner and I distinctly remember feeling so out of it… I had nothing left.  We came home to a sea of boxes that would need to be sorted through.  Somehow we got a second wind of sorts and started trying to make sense of the mess that was our new home.

We were up pretty late that night… and that was the start of what would take us till today to finish.  It all came together pretty nicely though.  As it took form… there was that sense of happiness… of being home.  I love our new place.  It feels like the place I’ve always meant to live in.  What is even better is that this is the first place that Ben and I had picked together.  The house we were living in was one I was in before meeting him.  So this place is very much us.. put together by our hands.  It’s a great feeling.

So all that is left to do now is hang a few more pictures and we will be completely settled in.  I start my new job on Tuesday… and haven’t really thought much about it.  I am pretty focused on getting things put together in the house.  Now that it’s all done, I imagine I’ll be thinking more about it.  I am supposed to go have lunch with Issac tomorrow.  It’s been over two weeks since I’ve seen him.  Finding time to see him hasn’t been really easy as I’ve been far too busy.

So that’s where I am right now.  I am very much alive…and quite happy.  It’ll be nice to have more time to relax again.  I can’t wait to get back to a normal schedule.  I should be able to get back to a normal posting schedule too.  So… keep your eyes out for me!

We knew we had to wait to save up some money and such before we could do so.  We’ve got to the point where we have the money to make the move and so now all that was holding us back was me having a job up there.  Ben’s job is closer to there than here.  I knew that it may take some time to find one for me… so I started throwing myself into the search on Monday.  Our plan was to wait till the end of the school year (June) to move.  Little did we know what was going to happen.

I made two phone calls on Monday… and found a job. They need to fill it ASAP.  I was floored.. and excited.  Who knew it was going to be THAT easy?! Not only would I get full time… but I would also make more than I do now.  It was like it was meant to be.. and I knew I couldn’t pass this up.  I didn’t know a chance like that would come by again.  And so.. we found ourselves… thrown into a move that was taking place in three weeks.

To say it’s a bit overwhelming, is an understatement.  We have so much to do.. in such a short period of time.  I’ve been coming home after work each day and packing part of the house up.  We are going up on our day off (Sunday) to look at apartments to move into.  It’s all a bit of a shock.  I’ve lived in this house since the summer of 2003… and so this is all strange for me.  I feel like I’m packing up my house just for fun and that I’m not really moving.  It’s a weird feeling.

So.. the point of this is that my posting will be sporadic.  I have more to do than I care to admit.  It’s hard to believe that this time next month I wont be here.  It’s a good thing though!  We are excited… and nervous.  I can’t wait to see what this chapter of our lives holds for us.

Wish us luck!

So to give you an idea of what has transpired in my world since we last met..

To say that the last two months have been difficult would be a large understatement.  It seems like one thing after another happened and we were rolled up in the snow ball rolling downhill… turning into a huge unstoppable sphere.  It all started with Thanksgiving and some family drama.  Then came the death of Ben’s Mother… then the stress of Christmas.  There was also the end of a prospective relationship for Ben… that all just really took a toll on me… and especially Ben.  You’d think that after the holidays, things would settle down.  This was the furthest thing from the truth.

Directly after Christmas some issues I’ve been having with my children’s Father and his girlfriend came to a head.  Without going into details… basically his girlfriend was causing all sorts of issues and treating my oldest daughter very poorly.  It came down to her not even wanting to go over to see her Dad.  I took her over to get her things from his place and his girlfriend had a major meltdown while I was there.  I tried to work something out with him that would allow the girls to feel safe and see him without her being there… however he didn’t hold up his end of the deal and so I was left with extreme options.

It turned into a big fiasco.. and was really ugly for a while.  Things have settled down.. simply because I refuse to let it take my life hostage anymore.  I have sorted the whole situation.. for now.  I know there will be other issues down the road because she has proven herself to be less than a good person.  That’s all I will say about her.

On top of that… Ben was dealing with his own inner demons.  He was and is still mourning the loss of his Mother… and the loss of something he hoped he would have.  Both threw him for a big loop.  I could see it in him… I could see it in his behavior.  I could see it in his lack of Domlyness.  It was taking a big toll on our dynamic.  Our plate was just so full… and so as it was distressing… at the time I just couldn’t focus on it.  Ben needed to deal with what was going on in his head.  We talked about it a few times… but never really had any definitive answers or direction.

For me.. it felt like I was witnessing the death of our dynamic.  It was hard to think about.  I was torn… because part of me felt like it was a good thing.  I felt like I was changing… though in retrospect I think it was because I was forced to take on a leading role out of necessity, not because it was what I really wanted.  There were things that stayed…. I still followed a lot of the protocol that he had set out.  But there were things I deliberately stopped doing because I didn’t want to… because he wasn’t making sure I was actually following through.  I stopped wearing my plug.. which in some ways I loved… except when it came time to have anal sex (heh).  I made the choice to stop blogging without seeking his permission…. though, I did inform him after I made the choice.  These are things that would have been very bad.. and I’d have found myself in a lot of trouble and yet, he didn’t seem to care at all.  I felt a sense of relief but at the same time… there was this distinct sadness… loss…. and aimlessness.  If he wasn’t my Owner anymore.. then who were we?  No one else would or could ever own me the way he did.

I was losing something special.  I could feel it.

We talked some more… and not having our dynamic was not what either of us wanted.  He admitted that he didn’t feel domly… or know how to be my Owner anymore.  He felt lost.  I told him… I was his wife.. and his slave.  I told him in that moment.. what he needed was his wife.  And so.. I was his wife.  I did what I needed to do for him… putting what I needed aside.  We were going to get through this.

Now we’ve got to a point where we can put our dynamic back on track.  There is still struggles for him.. but it is time to get our life back to where we want it to be.. where we need it to be.  So today is the kick start.  It is time to start again.. to pick up where we left off months ago.  Honestly, I enjoyed my break.. there was something nice about it.  In the same thought though… there was something distressing and not right about it.  It’s a mixture of thoughts and feelings.  I am eager to be back where we were though.  I want to feel his ownership wash over me again.. and be back in the place that felt so right.  I am sure it won’t happen over night, it’s a process for sure.  In any case.. I am committed to it.. to him.  Every couple faces hardships… and the test of any relationship is how you weather those hardships.

So… I am back.  *waves* Hope you all are well… and I’ll be back to my regular posting schedule. 

So much stuff has happened.  There are so many things going on in my world that I don’t write about.  Some of it I want to share but it’s moving at such a fast pace, I don’t know where to start to even begin to do it justice.  Other things are.. just too hard to talk about.  They’re always there in my head… this huge weight on my chest.  I feel like I can’t breathe.  I keep waiting for a break to come… a little bit of fresh air to fill my lungs… and it never comes.

I felt like for sure I’d catch a break after the holidays passed.  That was a big part of my stress on top of some stuff that was going on.  Yet.. they have come and gone.. and it seems I am more stressed now than before.  It just keeps coming. When does the relief come?  I want to run away.  I want some time that is stress free and fun.  I need that.  I don’t think it’s too much to ask.  I’m tired of being the strong one… I’m tired of trying to figure out what is the right thing to do.  Does it mean I’ll stop doing that?  No.  I’ll still keep being strong and making decisions and following through.  That doesn’t mean I have to like it.

There are changes happening in my world… a transition if you will.  I don’t know what my world will look like when all of this comes out of the wash.  I hope it has some resemblance of what it once looked like.  Perhaps I am being dramatic.  I don’t know.  What I do know is I need a break from my life right now.  I pick somewhere warm and sunny… where I can lay on the beach and have fruity cocktails served to me with little umbrellas.  I want the biggest decision I have to make to be if I want to sun bathe or snorkel.  I want to be able to focus on me.  Unfortunately that isn’t possible and so won’t happen.

Until I can get this all sorted out… I will be taking a break from my blog.  I could be back in a week (that’s pretty unlikely)… or it could be a month.  I just don’t know right now.  Right now I know that I am unable to share my story in this forum.  It’s all too raw.  I didn’t want to leave what few readers I have hanging, wondering where I am at.  So that’s my story right now.  It’s filled with stress… however… this too shall pass.  I know this in my heart of hearts.  Nothing lasts forever.. and so I know that brighter days will be in store for me.

I was making dinner and it was all ready six o’clock… and I was starting to feel the pressure to be able to get the tree up before the kids’ 8:30 pm bedtime.  I asked Ben to put up the tree so that we could jump right into decorating after dinner.  He didn’t feel like it… and so he didn’t.  Admittedly, it annoyed me.  Putting up the tree is always a source of stress for me.  I dunno why… I think it’s the perfectionist in me.    But every year it happens.. I get stressed and then cranky.  I was hoping that he would help ease some of that… this didn’t happen.  In his defense, I am not sure he realized (remembered?) that the tree decorating makes me feel that way.

In any case, after dinner… he and I set the tree up.  It was like night and day.  I went from relaxed… to super grumpy.  I knew I was being grumpy.. I just couldn’t stop myself.  I was utterly annoyed.  Once we got the tree standing I sat.. to wait for him to get the lights on… he didn’t.  I lost it.  It was ridiculous how I acted.. and I am not proud.. but yeah… there was my melt down.  I got really mad that he didn’t do the lights.  He said he didn’t know what I wanted him to do next… in which I replied in the tune of something snarky.  Sarcasm poured from my lips about how he’d never decorated a tree before.  This is where he stopped me.. and took me to our room before I really got of hand.

I argued with him.. lost in my anger… forgetting my place.  He finally had enough of my crap and left me in our room.  I didn’t bother to follow… I was pissed.  As soon as he left.. I felt terrible.  I knew what an ass I was being.  I felt terrible that I had treated him that way.. that I was ruining putting up the tree.  How could I not control myself?  It didn’t matter that I was under stress… I should still remember that he deserves my respect.  I laid down on the bed and cried.

He left me in our room for a bit before he came back in.  Ben came in and hugged me from behind.  I told him I was sorry… and I think he knew I really meant it.  I am sure he know why I was behaving that way too… which is probably why he was more understanding than he should have been.  I had hit my limit.  I knew I had.  Being the rock and working so much had finally taken it’s toll.  It was no surprise I cracked.

I pulled myself together and went to finish the tree with the kids.  I never found my good mood again… but I managed to get through the decorating.  I am sad that it went the way it did.  I wish so much that it hadn’t been how I melted down.  There is nothing I can do about it now but try to do things different next time.  I need to learn how to deal with my stress in other ways… and to go to Ben about it instead of taking it out on him.  In the end, I am only human and can only try to be the best version of myself.  He loves me no matter my flaws.  I am thankful to have such a loving and understanding Owner.  I don’t know how he puts up with me sometimes.

And so.. this is my Christmas story this year.  I think that so much of the world portrays the holidays as this happy time.. but the truth is.. sometimes there are bumps in the road.  Yes, there are good times.. but there are times that aren’t always pretty.  It’s taken some time for me to find my Christmas spirit this year but it has shown up.  I am excited for tomorrow and seeing the kids open their presents.  I love the holidays, but I am most certainly glad they are wrapping up.  I need some down time!

At any rate.. I am thankful to have my health… to have my family.. to have Issac.. to have a job- I am blessed.  Not everyone can say that this holiday season.  And so it’s with such happiness.. that I wish all of you a very happy holiday season, which ever one you celebrate.  I hope it’s the best one yet.. and filled with many good memories to cherish for the years to come.

Merry Christmas! XOXO

In this time.. some things have transpired for Ben.  He had been talking with this girl for some time.. and some strong feelings had grown between the two of them.  She had a few hang ups and it was causing the budding relationship not to move forward.  For me, I was anxious for him… wanting him so badly to have what I share with Issac.  I would occasionally ask if things were moving in the right direction but it always seemed it was stagnent.  She always wanted to get to know him better… there was always something going on with her.

To me… it seemed weird.  Why on Earth wouldn’t you want to make time for something good in your life… to have someone to lean on through the rough times.  Maybe I’m different, I don’t know.  What I do know is just tried to be supportive and understanding.  I was growing impatient for him though… and I think at times he was seriously growing tired of it as well.  He had invested a lot of time and effort into this girl.  They have known each other for over a year… and have been working towards a relationship since before I met Issac… so over three months.

So when we went to North Dakota and came home… things in our lives settled back into our normal routine.  We’d been home for a week when she told him that she had realized that she would never be his number one.  She didn’t know if that was what she wanted or needed out of her life.  She complained that she had never been anyone’s number one.  To me it seemed like an excuse…. but if it’s not.. that is fine.  I was very angry though… because to me… it felt like she had used him as an emotional crutch.  He was someone that filled her time… that would dote upon her.. give her attention and be there when she was down.  He filled the boyfriend role without actually getting the perks of being the boyfriend.  If it was true that she needed more than to be someone’s someone special… I am fairly certain she has always known that.  It makes me very upset that she led him on.  All this time, wasted.  He deserves better.

We didn’t talk about it much.. we were both at work when he showed me this.  I was pissed.  I fumed all day.. and into the evening as I was getting ready for playtime.  He wanted to go on like nothing had happened.. and in my eyes.. I didn’t see how that was possible.  How could he not be angry?  How could he go on… business as usual?  My mind was spinning… and I was trying to make sense of it… to reach out to him.. to protect him.  I kept thinking to myself she was lucky I am not a crazy person… because wanted to tell her just what I thought of her.  I didn’t- but I wanted to.

When he got home… the night spiraled out of control.  Somehow we started talking about what had happened.  He had decided he was going to still talk to her and be her friend, which I thought and still do think is a terrible idea.  How can wounds heal that way?  I don’t think they can.. but that is just my thoughts.  There were tears on both our parts.  I was still so angry for him.  I felt this intense wave over me that just screamed that I needed to protect him.  It was kind of surreal.  Who knew I’d have that sort of reaction? I certainly think its a good one.  He seemed to think so too… just by the look on his face as I poured my heart out about how I felt.

He told me he really liked her.. and I just wanted to make it all better for him.  He also said he missed his Mom.  Too much all at once… I could feel the weight on his shoulders… and I wanted to lighten the load.  I didn’t know how to.. but to hold him… be there for him.  I think it’s the only thing I can do.  Sometimes we just have to work these emotions out for ourselves.

The whole night there was a dark cloud over us.  It had ruined playtime for us.  It was another reason for me to be angry with her.  Yes, she has a right to bow out of this… she has a right for it not to be the thing for her, but she could have done it sooner… before he was so emotionally involved.   I know women… and I know how they think.. she knew.  She knew that this wasn’t going to work for her.  And it’s bullshit.   But you know, it is her loss.  She will not find a man very easily that will be as committed, patient, and caring as he was to her.  She never deserved him.

Last Sunday I didn’t wake up thinking I would be on my way to North Dakota by that night.  I woke up thinking it was going to be just like any other day… that the next day I’d be going to see Issac.  The reality of that day would be very different than I had anticipated.

It was around 10 am when my phone rang.  It was Ben.. I thought he had just taken an early lunch.  I answered cheerfully… and was met by very distressing news.  Ben was crying.. and told me that his Mom had passed away.  My stomach flopped… how was this even possible.  He had just talked to her a few days before… on Thanksgiving and she was fine.  I mean, she had some medical issues but she was fine.

The phone call was short… he said he was coming home.  My mind swam… she was 1,200 miles away… what were we going to do?  I finished up what I needed to do and left work as well.  As it turns out we both pulled into the driveway at the same time.  I got out of the car immediately and went to him.  As soon as he got out of the car.. I hugged him.  I cannot describe how hard it is to see the person you love so completely devastated.  It tore me up to see him like that.

We got home at around 11 am.. and by 3 pm we were on our way to North Dakota.  The plan was to drive there.. clean up her place and settle any bills and such while were there… then head home.  We had a very short period of time to get it all done so we could get back and go back to work.  We left the kids with their grandparents to make this trip easier.   His Dad came along with us… we took his truck because it is a 4×4 which came in handy when it came to going over the passes and moving some of the stuff out of her place.

The trip over was terrible.  In fact, the whole trip was terrible.  His Dad drove us both nuts.  He’s a nice guy but has a lot of annoying character traits.  I was so ready to boot him out of the truck it was ridiculous.  I had earbuds in almost the whole time just so I wouldn’t have to listen to his voice or his poor choice of music.  When it came time to let him drive.. well lets say, I was scared for my life.  Imagine a little kid sitting in a car pretending to drive.  Well that’s his Dad.  He jerks the steering wheel back and forth which causes him to weave all over the place.  It is amazing to me that he hasn’t killed anyone.. or himself.. or had a wreck of any kind.  It was terribly scary… and we had him drive as little as possible.

We got to North Dakota around 10 pm on Monday.  It was a very long drive and we were really tired.  We met up with the neighbor who had found Ben’s Mom.  She let us into the apartment…. and when inside I realized what kind of task we had in front of us.  She was very much a pack rat… that collected all sorts of things.  Don’t get me wrong, she was a very clean person.. but the amount of stuff was overwhelming.

We hadn’t been there fifteen minutes when the first family member showed up.  Ben’s uncle and his crazy girlfriend.  They would end up following us to have dinner and invite themselves to sit with us.  It was all a bit much to take in for the driving ordeal we had just had.  The other brother and girlfriend would show up the next day.  Both thoroughly pissed Ben off very early on.

Over the next couple days there was all sorts of stuff going on… lots of emotions… lots of stress.  There is something interesting about becoming the rock for your Owner.  That is what he needed… and it was very taxing on me.  I had a few moments where I felt totally overwhelmed.  There was some tears on my part from all of this… that came and passed quickly.  I didn’t have time to wallow in my own shit.  I had to be the strong one.. and I had to be the driving force behind getting stuff done.  I’ve been through some really hard stuff… but this certainly topped the charts.  It was a hard situation all around.

All of this was done and over with by Thursday morning.. we pulled out of town by noon.  I cannot tell you how relieved I was to be back on the road… back on my way to home.  I missed my home.. missed my children.. missed my cats… missed Issac… I missed my phone having proper service.  I so wanted our lives to go back to normal.  I knew how tiring and terrible the trip home would be… but it was worth it to go home.  I was tired of all the crappy food… the hard beds… just yeah.. everything sucked.

The strain of the trip and how busy we were took it’s toll on all of us.  I could feel the space between Ben and I.. even though he was close enough to touch.  It was distressing to say the least.. but I knew as soon as we were home… we would reconnect and all would be well again.  And so, I didn’t dwell on this… just held onto the prize at the end of the journey.

We finally pulled into town last night at around 7 pm.  I was excited to see our cats… the kids were at their Dad’s.  We walked in… and we only saw two.  We searched the house over… only not to find the third one.  We searched outside for a hour… after tears had fallen and the worst was feared.  We didn’t find her.. and we were heartbroken.  After the week we’d had… hadn’t we endured enough? This was so not fair.  I’d take another week away if it meant she was home.

Then Ben went into our room and saw a flash of gray.  We had no idea where she was hiding… but there she was.  We were so relieved.  But we were spent.  It was all too much.  We had worked too hard… dealt with too much… and now it was time to finally just be.  It is amazing the amount of stuff a person can handle.  We are such resilient creatures.  I just hope we never have another experience like this.  Ever.

So today… I am still exhausted.  I could sleep another ten hours easily.  I am just simply worn out… but Ben and I have found one another again just as I thought.  I love him so… and I would do it all over again.. because that’s what you do for the people you love.  Sometimes you have to be someone’s rock and let the storm rage against you in order to protect them.  It just goes to show you how versatile our roles have to be.  He can’t always be the one that takes the lead… sometimes he needs me to.  It doesn’t make him any less in charge…. it just makes us a couple that loves one another… that doesn’t fit anyone’s mold but ours.

There is so much that happened… it would take me forever to share.  These were the major bits.  The rest will fade into the past… and stay there.  All we can do now is move forward.  Me? I am just happy to be home.

I got one “other” vote, which I have no idea what that means.  My only thought is that other could mean… the person doesn’t masturbate at all?  That’s the only thing that makes sense to me.  If you’re the one that voted that way… please, I’d love to hear what it meant.

The bulk of the votes fell into the sometimes category (62.6%).  I would fall into that category.  I figured that most people would also vote this way.  It was cool to see my suspicions confirmed.  I would think generally that a great deal of people fantasize about their partner at least some of the time which is why it always seemed so odd to me about Ben.  I guess we are who we are, right?

The other two categories left are never and always… both extremes.  I got two votes for never.. and asked Ben if he had voted… he said no.  I knew there would be some votes for that since I myself, know two people in my little world that feel that way.  I don’t think I’ll ever understand it.  I guess we can’t control what turns us on when we get off… we are wired the way we are… and there isn’t much to be done about that.

The other extreme, always.. used to be me.  Up until about eight months ago I always had been in my fantasies.  It all came down to how much I loved (and still do) having sex with him.  He is the best sexual partner I’ve ever had.. and that still stand to this day.  I’m sure a lot of it has to do with the emotion and connection we share.

So to all of you who voted, thanks a lot.  It was fun to see what responses came in and have my own theories backed up.  So with that.. I wish you happy masturbating!